Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Game, set, collapse

Filed under : Tennis
On August 29, 2008
At 1:00 am
Comments : 9

You may think I’ve been slacking by not posting daily updates on my fun days at the US Open (we’re on Day 3!) but in reality, I tried but they came out as mmmphuhkhfahjahja because my head would just kind of fall on the keyboard. But this evening I am going to put aside my raging headache and delay the sleep I so desperately need so as to share a bit of the Open with you.

My memory’s a little dim but I believe on Tuesday I saw Mardy Fish (and he didn’t choke!) as well as Nathalie Dechy (less smiley than usual, probably because she lost) and Roger Federer (his new outfits are beige… he looks a bit like he’s going to hook you up with the Zoofari ride at your favorite amusement park). This will stun you: he won. I may have disappointed Pious B and Brother B by the fact that my simple “you’re sitting in our seats” dislodged our squatters but sometimes that’s just all you need.

The next day, Alfa and I braved vomitty ladies (don’t make me tell you more), outrageous food prices, and hit-or-miss sunscreen application to take in Nikolay Davydenko, Dudi Sela (lived up to his name), Robby Ginepri (vs. Amer Delic, prettiest match so far), Thomas Johansson, Dmitri Tursunov, Eduardo Schwank (delightfully, the umpire sounded like Tattoo from Fantasy Island crossed with Barry White – try to say the name “Schwank” in your head in that voice, I dare you), Sybille “Zen” Bammer, and “crazy hot-blooded” Aravane Rezai.

No pictures of this day exist except this tranny sitting in front of us. Please thank me in advance for the fact that his teeny-tiny skirt with the package falling out the bottom is not visible in this shot.

I can no longer form sentences, so today will be told in photos.

Israeli sensation Shahar Peer lost twice in one day! What an overachiever!

Hey, I wonder where David Nalbandian is! Could he be… 30 feet in front of me? Yes indeedy. Here, he says, “good job on letting me trounce you, Borat,” to the pride of Kazakhstan, Andrey Golubev.

I helped him win with my MIND. Alex added some from long distance. Being right in front of Nalby is a moment I wait for all year. Sometimes, I get to see him twice but this is all I got this year and it was mind-blowingly amazing. I would have pinched myself had I not been so sunburned. Afterwards, though, I left the Argentineans to their Del Potro slugfest to high-tail it to…

Gael Monfils vs. hard-working, still-losing Evgeny Korolev. This was the awesomest match so far (aside from the just-mentioned trouncing). Both guys hustled all over the court and Monfils is a total character. Occasionally, he forgets he’s not on clay, slip-slides around, and ends up like this. Then he lays there a moment. Why not? Everyone needs a rest.

Later, he did a Manny and high-fived with a guy in the stands after returning a winner across the court. This guy must succeed.

Lastly, was my favorite thing in all the Open, a night match in the Grandstand with a partisan crowd. It’s small, the spectators are on top of the players, the lights are bright, and oh yeah, everyone’s really loud and says everything on their mind. American Sam Querrey soaked it all up and lasted till 9:30 pm when he finally prevailed against someone unfortunately not American tonight, Nicolas Devilder.

Then I bought a $40 shirt and went home. $44.25 if you count that I sprung for the LIRR so I could have an extra 20 minutes to sleep. I got home merely 14 hours after I left. Tremendous. How am I still awake? I met up with Mr. Deas and his Fabulous Bag of Canadian Sweets and am on a total sugar high. If I tell you how much maple and chocolate goodness Deas packed in this bag, you’ll just be beyond belief. The best part is, I asked for one Coffee Crisp! Lemme tell you, it’s not the maple cream cookies talking when I say, the Deases are the best people in the universe. I hope to spend more time with Mr. Deas tomorrow. Meanwhile, I’m finishing this Aero bar and getting some shuteye. Pretty good day, eh?