Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Lost in transcription

Filed under : Reader of the Month,The Internets
On July 27, 2009
At 9:00 pm
Comments : 5

Google, what can’t it do? I have Google Voice, which used to be called Grand Central, and rings all my phones at once. That way, people don’t call me on my cellphone, which has about 60 minutes a month, when I’m sitting right next to a landline. Also, I can tailor my voicemail message to different numbers so if you know me as Becca, you get “you’ve reached Becca” and if you know me as something else, you get “you’ve reached something else.”

It also has a fantastic service which transcribes voicemails so you don’t have to dial in and listen to several minutes of, “just calling to say hi, but also, did you get Barb a present for her birthday? I was thinking of something I saw on Amazon. You know what? I’ll just e-mail you a link. So, um, yeah… yeah, I’ll just e-mail you. Later! Oh, right, this is Sam. Did I say my phone number? You probably have it… well, I’ll just e-mail.”

Hell, Barb’s already had two more birthdays since I started listening to that. But Google transcribes them so you don’t have to go through all that plus the whole, “press 7 to delete, press 2 to explode your brain” rigmarole. It’s just like an e-mail! Except when they’re not so good at it. While I was in Baltimore, I finally met up with our second Reader of the Month, Steph! She was delayed a bit and called me to let me know that she and Mr. Steph were on their way. Why, it was clear from the transcription!

So, to sum up, Steph and her husband couldn’t make it to the restaurant at Harborplace on time because they were doing it in the parking garage. Also, someone was watching, so that made it extra special! I made sure to let Warren, whoever the hell he is, know.

LL Cool J – Doin’ It


Yet another ROTM claims meal

Filed under : Reader of the Month
On November 19, 2006
At 11:42 pm
Comments : 7

In return for putting up with the same page for days (bad blogger, bad!) you get two ROTM posts in a row! Wow, I’ve impressed even myself, not that it’s all that hard. But you see, rolling into town this week was our previous Reader of the Month (that was October for the calendarically challenged) and you know what that means – meal time!

Yes, that’s because RNerd and her husband, Mr. Nerdy (actually their names differ by only one letter, how sweet is that?) visited from Tulsa, OK, as usual, not to see me but because they got a free vacation. Which is coincidental, because if I got a free vacation, I’d spend it in Tulsa. No, I kid, I don’t think they actually got to choose.

Anyway, if you’ve been reading J-Ball faithfully, you’ll know that I took them to the glorious Time Warner Center, although, to be fair, their plush free hotel was on Central Park South, just near said TW Center. Once there I regaled them with stories about hideous, miniscule supermarkets and they told me they have two Super Wal-Marts and a Super Target in their immediate vicinity. I’m not sure anything in NYC is called “Super” unless you’re talking about real estate prices.

But the Nerds were extraordinarily nice and interesting and despite the teeny-tiny portions that were served at the Bouchon Bakery, they insisted on paying the entire Super bill. Wow! Thanks Sooner Family!

Start saving now, Baby Owen, I’m going to take you to Masa.


Rodgers & Hammerstein – Oklahoma!


Reader of the Month – November!

Filed under : Reader of the Month
On November 14, 2006
At 6:17 pm
Comments : 29

All of my ROTM’s have been unique and distinct from each other but yet, maybe it’s time for something a little different. Something to break the monotony of all those…adults. I’ve always said this was a family blog and as though to back up my words, our ROTM for November doesn’t stop his new Mom from reading and commenting on J-Ball (although, she now does so at obscenely early hours), and as you know, these two activities are the very definition of ROTMititude. So it’s time to give him the credit he so richly deserves.

Yes, it’s adorable Baby Owen, son of Jan. Now, Jan never wanted to be ROTM but since we’re highlighting her progeny, I should say that Jan titled the plethora of photos she sent me with way more brilliant names than I could ever come up with, so I’m going to keep all of them. This one is called Binkie Face. Indeed.

This one, for instance, is called Smushyface1. That’s because it’s from the Smushyface series. It was a tough job choosing, but I think this one is stellar.

Anyway, more about Baby Owen. I haven’t met Owen yet, but I understand his favorite activities include eating all the time (just like Mom!), burping & throwing up (especially at Mommy & Me class), and peeing all over Mom & Dad during diaper changes. Mom & Dad are working on this issue and hope to have it resolved before Owen turns ten.

This picture speaks for itself, doesn’t it? I really thought of calling Children’s Services on the Jan Family after I saw this. The torture of putting a poor innocent child in this get-up!

To be fair, there was another picture where Baby Owen looks perfectly content in the same outfit, but you know, that’s for some other blog.

Lastly but not leastly, I think this is the kind of thing that made me phobic of dogs, personally. Oh, I kid, Bailey loves his new brother! Jan called this photo, “What is this thing?” I think that’s what the dog was thinking just before he inhaled Baby Owen.

Anyway, congrats Baby Owen, your cuteness was just too good not to share. And thanks for letting Jan keep on reading the J-Ball. You rule! Check back with me when you’re eating solid foods about that whole meal with Becca thing.

I kid you not, Jan says Baby Owen’s favorite song is:

Justin Timberlake – SexyBack


Reader of the Month – October!

Filed under : Reader of the Month
On October 16, 2006
At 11:42 pm
Comments : 79

Since this is my birthday month, I had to make my ROTM extra-spectacular. Who could I pick that would rock the J-Ball world enough to receive this incredible honor? Let’s see, it has to be someone who reads and comments a lot (naturally) but also someone who breaks the ROTM mold in some way. Even better is someone who tells me all the time that I’m prejudiced against an entire geographic region because I haven’t yet chosen her. And that could only be RN! Yes, it’s our resident Okie, RN, the Sooner fan. I don’t really know what a Sooner is but I understand the universal phenomenon of sports fanaticism.

Here’s RN with a permanent tattoo she got of her favorite team. Observant Jews think OU stands for Orthodox Union, but apparently things are different out there.

I’m also informed that RN’s daughter’s name has a Sooners connection but to protect the innocent (daughter, not Sooner) we’ll just leave that oblique.

When not attending all Sooners games (no really, there is an off-season, isn’t there?), RN is a …..wait for it….nurse. She doesn’t actually nurse anymore, but instead sells drugs. So if you see a nurse on your block pushing pills, make sure to congratulate her on this whole ROTM thing, OK?

Back home in Tulsa (the city, not the movie), RN has two and a half kids. The half is an exchange student but RN was coy on the subject of what exactly was exchanged for her. RN’s son plays in a rock band and her daughter doesn’t. Three cats who are part of no bands also help make up the RN household.

But it’s OK…is this not the glammest rock action shot ever? Yeah, I’d sign that guy. Sadly, I have no signing privileges. But I’d make him an awesome spreadsheet of his sales!

Speaking of bands, RN seems to really like them and their members, especially Gene Simmons of Kiss, pictured here getting up close with RN and some friend who doesn’t read J-Ball and therefore merits no mention. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, Gene Simmons doesn’t read me either, sue me

Hey, this is kind of a kinky picture, isn’t it? Gene would be so proud.

RN sent me like 20 photos, so I apologize for not including the kids and cats but this one had to make the cut. See, during football season, RN’s crew tailgates in the Hillel parking lot at U of OK. Hillel is the Jewish students organization, and, um, we’re not exactly known for our tailgating habits. The juxtaposition of two cultures in this photo made me laugh and laugh. Thanks, RN! (click to enlarge)

One of these people is RN’s husband but she’ll have to identify which one. That’s my way of ensuring she’ll comment. Pretty sneaky, huh?

Anyhoo, I did just want to say that the most important thing to know about RN, besides the fact that her comments are always smart and funny, is that she was extraordinarily nice about my delays in posting this. See, I told her two weeks ago that she was getting the crown and then I was all, “well, I’m going on vacation” and “maybe tomorrow” and “could be Sunday” and yet she was totally cool about it. That kind of understanding and patience and nicerosity totally rocks my world and made me want to make her Reader of Two Months. Then I could use some of her other wacky pictures (her daughter is adorable, so her pic would probably go first). But since she’s actually coming to New York next month and can claim her meal, I think that’s reward enough. Especially for me since I won’t be paying for said meal.

I had hoped to link to “Oh What A Beautiful Morning,” Oklahoma being one of my favorite musicals (shut up, I like Rodgers & Hammerstein), but, would you believe it? RN’s son’s band doesn’t just look good, they actually sound good. Who knew?

River City Ransom on MySpace


Reader of the Month – September!

Filed under : Reader of the Month
On September 11, 2006
At 1:06 am
Comments : 20

I can’t believe that this month’s ROTM is a surprise to anyone, except maybe Kay, but it’s OK, she finagled her way into someone else’s blog. But it was such an obvious choice this time that I actually alerted our honoree 5 weeks in advance. Normally, as my previous ROTM’s will tell you, my request shows up in your inbox 2-3 days before I write the post, beseeching you for pictures.

Yes, the ROTM for September is Sarpon! Sarpon, you may have noticed, is the commenter who always disagrees with me. But that’s OK! Because the ROTM title knows no opinions, it knows no team, it just knows “read JBall” and “comment on JBall.” I admit, I didn’t know much about Sarpon before, just the essentials, really, that she’s a chick and Jewish and a Mets fan and originally from NY where she currently does not reside. Is there more than that to anyone? But luckily for all of you, I interviewed Sarpon by e-mail and found out a few more key facts.

First off, I found that Sarpon (she’s the attractive female in the photo) is a lawyer. Then all that disagreeing with me made more sense. This is about as wacky as lawyers get. Party on, wacky lawyers!

Secondly, I found out that Sarpon is a Mom to three lovely kids, one of whom she gave birth to. I include this photo, not out of any favoritism for kids that have Sarpon’s genes, but because this kid is named Shea. You heard me. Or read me. Sarpon named her daughter after Shea Stadium. Maybe it was the orange hair and blue eyes. Let’s hope this Shea doesn’t get knocked down in favor of a newer, shinier kid with more luxury boxes. But, as Sarpon told me, “under other circumstances, she could have been named Yankee.” Ha! I cut Sarpon’s sister-in-law’s head out of the photo since she doesn’t read JBall as far as I know. I’m ruthless!

I couldn’t squeeze any more photos out of Sarpon, whose wackiness is more confined to writing long, erudite, gem-filled comments on my blog. But she did send me a few shots of her kids, so here’s one. Nothing against Kid #3, but I love this one’s lollipop plus, I have no doubt that any of my sibs would have proudly worn this t-shirt when we were kids. Or maybe even now. (Click to enlarge)

So what else did I learn that I can tell you? Sarpon makes her home in lovely Gainesville, Florida (no, I’ve never been there, shut up), has a husband named Kevin, and two cats besides the aforementioned youngsters. In her spare time…oh, who am I kidding? Between lawyering, mothering, and commenting, what possible free time could she have? I think the most important thing I could say about Sarpon is that she’s smart and funny and she was so anxious to post on my old Blogger blog that she accidentally started her own blog in the sign-up process. That, my friends, is the kind of dedication that I reward. So congrats to you, Sarpon, and feel free to claim your meal (you’ll pay of course) which will assuredly not be eaten in Flushing, unless it’s at the Kosher hot dog stand at the National Tennis Center.

Song choice is by the ROTM, which you’ll know because I’ve never seen Pippin. According to Sarpon it “contains the phrase I used in my personal ad to try to get the attention of a straight man who liked musicals (my ad read ‘Average, ordinary wonderful woman with a passion for passion seeks man…’) but alas I got 76 replies and not one picked up on it. But it is how I met Kevin.” Well, when you’re casting a wide net like that, come on. But anyhoo, here it is.

Jill Clayburgh – Kind Of Woman