Magic Jewball

It’s fashionable to get up in arms about your favorite songs of the past appearing in the commercials of today, and usually I’m down with that. There are some songs that have meaning to me that I’d rather not see totally whored out for an insurance company or a car or whatever. But in the present climate of bringing back cool songs you haven’t heard in ages from bands like the Buzzcocks (for AARP!!!!) or The The, I’m just too jazzed to hear the song to get all upset about it. (Except that Pepsi commercial remake of Ca Plane Pour Moi; that’s a travesty!)

So this week I’ve decided to highlight one of these songs. This is the first time I’ve used a song that isn’t on my own iPod (except the week I had a guest pick) but it is now. See, they use the opening 30 seconds of this song and it’s pretty ripping and all, but it’s the rest of the song that I really love and so I’m always left frustrated after all the Cadillacs leave the screen. Finally, out of total desperation, I had to dig out my old copy of the CD and rip the song for my iPod and, of course, for the iPod Song of the Week.

Now, from the excerpt in the commercial, you tend to think of this number as a power-guitar anthem, but that’s because you’re unaware that it’s actually by The Stone Roses, the former trippy-psychedelic kings of Manchester. Well, you could argue that the Happy Mondays filled that role, but The Stone Roses had a quieter, deeper, more introspective kind of vibe. Witness the fact that amongst all the power chords in this track, the vocals, low in the mix, remain calm and steady. And of course there are all the “the messiah is my sister” kind of lyrics that add to it. Dig it, man.

The Stone Roses – Love Spreads

Today’s a special day over here at JBall. Yes, it’s the last day where there will only be 12 months in the archive box of my sidebar. Tomorrow we begin Year 2.0! The official anniversary is later in the month so I’ll write more about that then. As a matter of fact, I have an exciting month ahead which will hopefully translate into interesting posts. Otherwise, more boredom and tedium for us all. But here are some of the March highlights:

• Exciting holiday of Purim in just a few days. Watch Becca go insane as she bakes four kinds of cookies in 24 hours!
• German houseguests stay in Becca’s teeny NY closet apartment for five days!
• That bastion of responsible citizenship, Jury Duty!
• The aforementioned anniversary special post in which Becca explains why she started blogging in the first place! And when she’ll stop! (hint: when she’s dead)

I know, why leave your computer at all with a schedule like this one? In the meantime, let’s look back, shall we, and follow up some of the posts from the past which you’ve no doubt forgotten and/or no longer care about. I did indeed see Music & Lyrics with Pious B. It was craptacular! Badly acted! Predictably plotted! Lacking in chemistry between the stars! Sprinkled with implausible details! And the very worst part: they cut out the scene on my street which was the very reason I went to see this slice of cheese in the first place! Sheezus. The only thing that saved it was Adam (Fountains of Wayne/Ivy) Schlesinger’s music. Can this guy get the music of the past few decades right or what? Oh and this mock 80’s video. Yes, that’s Hugh Grant as the second singer.

I especially liked the use of the phrase “you’re gold and silver” which I now realize was weirdly prevalent in 80’s music.

And I managed to finagle an invitation from Pious B to her family’s Purim meal (it’s called a se’udah, more on that later in the Purim post). Pi’s family are like the Kennedys: young, glamorous, numerous, and successful. And I get to eat at the compound, go me!

Anyway, to get the “new year of JBall” started, I’ve revamped the About page since people seem to actually be looking at it these days and it’s a bit outmoded. There’s now a handy FAQ which is a thing that people on the Internets seem to like. The questions were gleaned from things people actually ask me and things I’ve observed from people’s confused behavior on the site. Be confused no longer!

And now, onward to March.

I seem to have a lot of new readers who don’t perhaps know one of the recurring characters of this blog, my fabulous cousin, Pious B. Pi lives just a few blocks from me and also works in the music biz. It’s a family affair! Anyhoo, the other day, Pi came over to hoot and holler with me (I was drinking, what?) over the Flavor of Love spin-off, I Love New York, in which New York (or Tiffany, as her mother calls her) chooses amongst a group of the lamest group of “men” you could find. It’s impossible to really root for any of them, except that she’s no prize specimen herself. It’s natural selection at it’s finest.

But without the commercials the show is only about 40 minutes and so, as we began to wonder if it was really that awful out there, we naturally headed right for a major dating site to have a look-see. Our conclusion: it is! Now, I’m sure the ladies on “Unnamed Dating Site” are just as bad but we didn’t really go there. Along the way, however, we realized that it wasn’t only the field, but terrible, terrible marketing. So, for everyone out there attempting online dating, here’s some advice and observations. It works for women too!

1. Don’t begin your profile with “LOL.”
2. Don’t begin your profile with “Hallo, Lady Stranger.”
3. I know it’s hard to talk about yourself but must every other profile start with “My friends say I’m….?” Bonus goes to the guy who said, “My colleagues say I’m…..” What, no friends?
4. Don’t put a picture of yourself with your hot ex. Yes, it’s really delightful to see you could attain such a high standard. Bravo!
5. If you’re going to cut your ex out of the picture, try not to leave her arm in there. Or her wedding bouquet.
6. If the main thrust of your profile is how intelligent you are, spelling “intelligent” correctly would be a good start.
7. It’s hard to believe you are serious about meeting someone when your shot is a webcam view of the side of your head. Or up your nose. Or a candid of you on a polo pony, taken from above (I’m not kidding here).
8. If you are a man seeking a woman, try not to use a woman’s name as your screen name. Especially one that means “pretty” in another language.
9. Looking for someone “beautiful inside and out” means no fatties. On the inside.
10. Isn’t it amazing how many people both work AND play hard?

I know, ten is a lot. Let’s sum up in three.
1. Good photo
2. Spellcheck
3. Eh, fuck the profile, just do #1.

Later this week in “The Adventures of Me & Pious B,” Pi and I go see Music & Lyrics which, not having been nominated for any Oscars, ought to be blissfully empty.

Just because.

KLF – 3 A.M. Eternal

I have finally solved one of the mysteries on Lost. No, I have no idea what the whole meaning of the tattoo was or whose side Juliet is really on (I’m sure I’m not ruining anything for anyone who hasn’t seen it; how could I? I never have any idea about what’s going on). No, this is something much bigger and better! I discovered whatever happened to Diana Scarwid after Mommie Dearest! Because, uh, I seem to have missed these cinematic treasures:

• The Neon Bible
• Before He Wakes
• The Angel of Pennsylvania Avenue
• Psycho III
• After the Promise
• Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain

And so forth. Yes, I see she was also on Prison Break recently, as well as Law & Order, but who wasn’t on L&O? I think I’ve been on that show. But it’s good to see in any case that she’s kept her twitchy acting style and her “I am not one of your FANS” dramatic flair.

You have got to be one of The Others.

Delerium – Lost and Found

It seems that a major company which I have previously raved about is having some, let us say, issues this week. As a matter of fact, Brother2 is “trapped” in Florida due to these issues. Yes, it’s JetBlue, my favorite airline. It’s so rare to rave about a consumer product or service these days, especially a service (hello, AT&T? Time Warner? Fucking Verizon????), that it always felt like it couldn’t last. And now, the ride is over.

I mean, I guess I could continue to love JetBlue based on the fact that nothing has affected me so far, which is my usual standard of judging things (nuclear bomb? hasn’t hurt me so far, ok then). Oh, the comfy seats, oh the friendly staff, oh the satellite TV right in your seat… oooooh, aaaaah…. and the prices, it’s almost cheaper than NJ Transit! But, you know, as I said, all good things must come to an end and things seemed to implode this week, as five days after two inches of snow fell, they still can’t seem to get it together. Sure, they seem very, very sorry and that does take them one step beyond every other airline, who never seem to be sorry in the least for anything (can you hear me, Air France? bon) but I’m guessing that doesn’t sway your opinion much after you’ve been waiting on the tarmac for seven hours or your flight’s been canceled for the third time.

I suppose I could have foreseen this problem based on the cavalier way the JetBlue staff always seemed to treat the phrase “on time.”

Me: Do you think we’ll really be leaving on time? Boarding time is in 3 minutes and I don’t even see a plane out there.
JetBlue lady: Yes, we’ll be pushing back exactly on time. Headphones?

And so it went. But who could mind? They have XM Satellite Radio! And fun snacks! And live TV! Remember that time the JetBlue flight had landing gear trouble and all the people on the flight got to watch their own plane on TV? What other airline would allow that? But for the first time ever, I see people on TV saying “I’ll never fly JetBlue again.” Oh, the humanity. But that’s OK, if you read Consumerist, you know that once a week someone says that about every airline. I myself have vowed never to fly either Delta or United again and now I have frequent flyer accounts at both. I also have a $400 credit at Delta so if I die before it expires in November, I’m having my coffin flown to Amsterdam.

Queen – Another One Bites The Dust