Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Eight Days A Week

Filed under : Judaism
On March 30, 2007
At 12:05 pm
Comments : 11

Well, I’m almost ready for Passover. Which is good because it’s almost here. My hair is cut, my refrigerator is nearly empty (anyone want ten half-full condiment bottles?), Ermin is on her way deep-clean, and I purchased the one thing I was assigned on our Big Family Get-together shopping list: wine. Actually, I only had to buy half the wine as I refuse to buy the sweet crap and just got the good stuff. As everyone remembers, I’m keen on any holiday that demands I drink a lot. Beer is, sadly, forbidden on Passover, however (and so is marijuana).

Although most people think that the primary thing one eats on Passover is matzah, I actually mostly avoid eating it at all. My strategy is only to eat things I could normally eat. This means avoiding the chicken I saw at my local shop which seemed to be covered in crushed matzah. No, I eat lots of meat, potatoes, chocolate, cheese, and fruit. Matzah-ball soup is, of course, allowed. Aside from avoiding Fruity Pebbles I can then forget that I’m restricted at all. I know, this probably violates the spirit of the holiday but doing without Fruity Pebbles is hard. Not to mention all my condiments.

Lots of people (of all religions) get excited because Passover is the only time that they sell Coke made with sugar rather than high-fructose corn syrup in the US (the rest of the world gets sugar year-round). Since I only drink Coke on Passover (it makes up for the loss of sugary cereal) I never really noticed that it changed. But for the rest of you, stock up!

You may think that replacing my entire food supply is expensive, and it is, but it’s entirely made up for by not stopping into Starbucks for eight days. I tend to come out way ahead.

Anyhoo, thus ends our Friday filler post. I’ll try to get another one in early next week before I get swallowed into matzahland. For the first two days it’ll be a land without blogs and blog statistics. This, frankly, is harder to take than doing without bread. But it’s OK, I’ll have someone looking after JBall to make sure it doesn’t explode in my absence.

I’d post The Beatles/Eight Days A Week but it’s not available on any legal download service. Feel free to hum it in your head.


Too much information

Filed under : New York City,News
On March 28, 2007
At 11:50 am
Comments : 17

Normally, when I don’t write for a bit it’s because I am brain-dead and there’s nothing to write about. Occasionally, though, I am actually too busy to fit blogging into my hectic schedule. This is just one of those weeks. You have the confluence of

a. busy record release schedule
b. week before Passover whirlwind
c. shockingly crazy social life

It’s led to the sort of clusterfuck which means more living, less blogging. People think that bloggers have no lives and thus can sit and write essays all the livelong day. But in reality, it’s a delicate balance of life to no life and once it gets upset, well, the blog’s going to suffer.

Anyhoo, I don’t have any sort of special topic so instead I’m going to comment on several items from the local news here in our fair city. This is good if you are like me and have a really short attention span. Look, something shiny!

1. Building collapse
This is something I never used to hear about, living in the suburbs as a child. Maybe that’s because suburbs were all built after 1950 and my current building, for example, dates from 1899. But still, should buildings just spontaneously collapse like this? Should I wonder if there’s going to be a pile of rubble when I go home? In my old building I used to hide my dope in case something happened while I was at work and someone had to go into my apartment. I’ve since solved that problem by buying an apartment and thus having no money for dope.

2. Wal-Mart to Manhattan: Drop dead

No seriously, I love new stores, everyone knows that, but couldn’t we get a Target? Oh, who am I kidding, there will be 49 new Commerce Bank branches before that happens.

3. Matthew Fox from Lost to speak at Columbia University
And I’m sure he’ll have oh-so-many words of wisdom to impart.

Can anyone get me tickets?

4. Is the restaurant Le Marais really Kosher?
And if it’s not, why is it so freaking expensive? Not to mention, forget all that, I was always told it was named after a Jewish neighborhood in Paris. Then I went there and found it was a gay neighborhood (not that the two are mutually exclusive or anything). What’s up with that?

5. Opening Day just five days away!
Oh, even I can’t snark on that.

6. Local eatery found to be rat-free.
Oh bwahahahaha, I made that up.

Of course, in the most exciting news of the week, I finally got Police tickets. Now I just need to find a collapse-proof building in which to store them until August.

The Police – Too Much Information


Snappy answers to stupid questions – March

Filed under : Meta/Blognews
On March 25, 2007
At 9:50 pm
Comments : 9

In my continuing efforts to satisfy the needs of people who will never come back to my site, entertain my faithful readers, and come up with a monthly concept, I present “Snappy answers to stupid questions: The Series.” I’ve tried to leave out the things I’ve previously covered including but not limited to the usual “is Andy Roddick circumcised?” queries.

And away we go!

This was my idea! Mine! Mine!

breaking up two people with magic
Why, what have you heard?

bar mitzvah pant give aways
Actually, my niece did this (technically a bat mitzvah pant giveaway) and it was da bomb. Unless you’re talking about some sort of newfangled party game.

laptops acceptable in jury duty new york
Wow, someone might actually already have their answer. You’re welcome!

im kosher so i can’t have cookies
I assume you learned otherwise here. As a matter of fact, I made something called Chocolate Chip Crack this weekend and I’ve decided to just stop eating any other food.

who invented school because i hate it
I think my 10 year old self Googled this.

lush overpriced
Totally agree. Luckily, in a free society we can shop elsewhere.

entertain becca
A fine ambition for any person.

is paul banks single?
I believe so, but if not, try answer #2.

breakfast in america jewish sounding
Hm, that first slowish intro, maybe. Or is it the kippers for breakfast part?

take off bob and doug torrent
Or, you know, you could buy it from iTunes the way I did.

why cant jewish people use the computer on fridays
You must have those last two days of the week confused. It could happen to anyone.

magic day in ny
It’s always a magic day in NY! If you’re on drugs.

boy george do you really want to hear me
After the 80’s not many people did, that was the trouble.

my hair absorbs the smell of food
I’ll pray for you.

i’ve had my macbook for five months
It’s like we’re twins! Except I’ve only had mine for three.

the police presale awful
Tell me about it, brother. But I finally got tickets so I’ve stopped caring.

shahar bier australian tennis player
Ummmm….perhaps you mean Shahar Peer the Israeli tennis player? Otherwise, what a striking coincidence.

2 oz k y jelly
Are you sure that’s all you’ll need?

who liked the killers concert
I love polls! In fact, it seemed like a lot of people there did.

why do the deftones have the worst videos ever made
Gosh, I never really thought about this till you said it, mystery searcher, but I believe you are correct. I really don’t know. Allow me to theorize that their fans are all out in the skatepark and don’t really care what the visuals are. I know I don’t. I mean, how could you put better images to the last part of Pink Cellphone than already exist in your own head?

magic eat ball
In English we spell that “eight.”

chag sameach hebrew spelling
חג שמח
You should have tried Jewgle.

barmitzvah candy bars
OK, this is getting out of hand. What do you think this is,

famous people and food
It’s my understanding that they also have a need for it.

famous people that have ipods
Are there any famous people who don’t have iPods?

are there issues being expressed in the song you can get it if you really want by jimmy cliff and what are these issues.
I’m thinking that perhaps Google needs some more instruction on their homepage on the best way to do a search.

mauresmo jokes
Oh, I am so above that. Some of the time.

i dont read blogs
Because this is of course CNN.

i hate duane reade
Preach it!

bondage in chicago
I’m guessing you didn’t stay here long, huh?

And, needless to say, still no clues on the Andy Roddick thing.

Deftones – Pink Cellphone
(not safe for work, children, or Grandma)


iPod song of the week – Muse

Filed under : iPod Song of the Week
At 7:05 pm
Comments :1

I actually have nothing to say about this song in itself except that it’s catchy and sticks to my brain like bubblegum to my shoe. I’m putting it up here to represent the larger point of this post category, however. See, a friend sent me this song because we both liked it, he found it, and thought maybe I’d like to have it too. And I do like to have it and I listen to it all the time. That’s why I’m now going to buy the whole CD. Everybody wins! Me, you, Muse, ethics, etc.

In all the RIAA=Satan conversation that I see everywhere what often gets lost is that stealing is wrong. I’m not a big preacher or anything but I say again, if you like any of the songs you hear on JBall, be sure to find a fun & legal way to acquire them. Start with this one! In about four minutes it will be affixed to your very soul.

Muse – Starlight


Raise the Titanic

Filed under : Life in general,Music
On March 23, 2007
At 2:00 pm
Comments : 9

I received an e-mail recently inviting me to a reunion of a label where I used to work and it began, “Remember when we used to love our jobs?” Indeed. It’s this evening and I’m totally psyched to go. Well, I’ll just be popping in for an hour but still. If you have ever worked for a record label you have probably worked for twelve record labels. This is because:

a. They tend to go bust or get bought and then folded.
b. If things don’t go well, the solution is usually to randomly fire a bunch of people.
c. The new people who are brought in to replace the fired people usually start their regimes by firing a lot of other people.

See, record companies are a lot like the NHL. The same coaches keep getting canned and then turning up on other teams, usually announced with a gushing press release. Then, if they can, they bring over their top-scoring line from their last team. So chunks of one team will suddenly be on another team. Chunks of three other labels are at my current label, including the one whose reunion I’m attending tonight.

This former label has a glorious history typical of the industry. First, as an independent, they broke numerous bands important to the history of R&B and Rock. Then they got bought by a giant behemoth and became the kind of place where you could only get your office painted non-white if you were a VP or above. When that giant behemoth got bought by another multi-national a few years back, several labels were folded, including this one.

We knew for about six months and it was kind of like being on the Titanic only with Brit-pop instead of “Nearer My God To Thee.” You knew that some people would survive but that the majority of people would lose their jobs. At first there was a kind of blitheness, like, “yes, yes, it’ll be OK.” Next came the beginnings of concern. People stopped caring about radio adds and tour marketing and focused on resume-writing and networking. Then came the mass panic where everyone just came to work and hung around the hallways drinking and raiding storage closets for future eBay sales. One of the finance people had an open bar in her office and you just helped yourself before discussing the latest rumor with the other doomed passengers.

I was lucky and found a new gig about two weeks before the layoff announcements were made but it still totally blew. Honestly, it was so corporate there that I don’t miss it terribly but I do miss some of those people and I totally miss having bands I was proud to sell. I used to answer the phone, “Blankety-Blank Records” instead of the way I do now with my name. Those were the days when I could still be thrilled at the history in our catalog and excited about the artists we represented. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to have a good phone because I wasn’t at a high enough level but that won’t stop me from having some drinks with my old shipmates tonight. Ahoy!

Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On