Magic Jewball

I have noticed as I blog around (that is, randomly go from blog to blog on Blogspot) that lots of people are now using AdSense which places ads on your site and pays you according to how many people view them. Rest assured, I will never do this. First off, it’s ugly, and these generic templates Blogspot gives you have zero aesthetics as it is. But second, it basically tells you that I don’t care about you, you’re just a fraction of a cent to me. And I care, I care deeply. At least a nickel per hit. Oh, just kidding.

This is not to say I’d never sell out. On the contrary. I have sold out in the past. See, I was pranked by the Jerky Boys. You remember them, right? They were these two guys who had a novelty act making prank phone calls and had several successful albums and a movie. But it wasn’t one of those ordinary prank calls, it was done on behalf of an artist who recorded for our label at the time who were their friends. So they called us and I picked up the phone. I knew it was them, I recognized their voices. But on the off-chance it wasn’t, I had to pretend it was a serious call. Gah.

Fast forward a few months and I’m told that this other artist (the friends of the Jerky Boys) would like to use my sound bite on their song and they wanted me to sign a release to allow it. Well, I’m not going to mention who this “artist” is, but believe me, you wouldn’t want to be associated with them in any way. So I said no, no way, absolutely not. Then they offered me money. Then they told me the Jerky Boys also wanted to use it on their album and they’d double the money. It wasn’t a lot except if you’re poor, which I was. So I said, pride, what’s that? Yes, yes, of course, where do I sign, where’s my money, give me a check, where’s my money? I bought a computer with it and never regretted a thing.

I just checked and my song is on iTunes. You could hear my voice, if I told you which track it was. It’s not that I’m so private, it’s just that I sound weird and nasal. I hate my voice and I’m sure you’d snicker. And I care about you way too deeply to hear you snicker.