Magic Jewball

Which is why there’s no real post today. Also, I’m preparing for our dairyriffic holiday, Shavuot. Shavuot means weeks. Weeks of despair. For me, that is. That’s because the A/C unit I blogged about spending a thousand dollars on just two years ago is already broken and out for repair. Shockingly, the one part that was under warranty is not the actual part that broke. YaY! I don’t really care, actually, as long as they fix it and fill the hole in my wall and life. Right now, I just refuse to go into the part of my apartment that this unit cools.

But it’s closing in on 100 degrees here and will be at around that for several more days. Which made this letter to the “FYI” column of today’s New York Times all the more timely.

Q. I live in Texas, and my wife and I visit your city every year in the late summer for my birthday. I always bring shorts. We have noticed when we visit that few people wear shorts in New York, even when it’s hot. Why not?

A. There are plenty of shorts to be seen on jogging paths, and in parks and other open spaces. But when in public, New Yorkers have to spend a lot of time sharing close quarters: crowded sidewalks and packed buses and subways. It’s one thing to rub elbows with strangers, another to rub knees and legs with them. And passing vehicles can kick up a lot of grit.

Other aspects of life here are also factors. Some groups of New Yorkers are forbidden by religious custom to wear shorts. Many nice restaurants bar shorts because people expect that kind of dress code for their money. Your expense-account client might enjoy ogling someone’s Daisy Dukes, but the ladies who lunch would object.

Finally, Manhattan is the capital of the financial services industry, which practically compels conservative dress. You might talk to Chuck, but you probably don’t want him managing your money in shorts.

Designers agree that shorts are just too casual for the city, especially on a work day, said Jennifer Fisherman Ruff, a fashion publicist in Manhattan.

“With the trend of dresses being so strong these past few years,” she said in an e-mail message, “you have the look of an exposed leg while still looking more polished.”

Does this strike you as meandering around throwing out half-baked theories that seem to have no real basis in reality? Me too! In fact, that whole answer could have been these two lines.

Shorts are not in fashion. People in NY try to stay in fashion.

Wait, that was politically incorrect. Let’s try again.

We have different fashions here in New York! This is to help us figure out which people are tourists and which merely are confused. The tourists are people for whom we answer questions. The confused get shunned. You’re welcome!

See what I mean?

This is our mayor. He’s not from around here and someone forgot to send him the memo.

Anyway, happy Shavuot! Blogging will resume when the holiday and/or heatwave end mid-week.

The Cure – Hot! Hot! Hot!