Magic Jewball

Typing this post is going a bit slow because I’m simultaneously watching the Elena Dementieva-Shahar Peer match. Not on TeeVee, naturally. You think they show this kind of match on TV? Of course not! ESPN has just finished American vs. Other Person and is now moving into Hot Blonde vs. Hot Blonde. (In case you didn’t recognize those matches, they were Serena vs. Azarenka and Sharapova vs. Vesnina). No, I’m watching this match on ESPN’s web service, ESPN360.com. This is what I’ve always dreamed of: the outer courts and lesser matches of the distant slams, all laid out for me to choose. And just like my dreams, it’s kind of fuzzy. But that’s OK! Because everything else is just perfect.

It’s very much like being at the US Open, only less sweltering and more “lying on the couch with a laptop on my belly.” Also, it begins in prime time and goes all night when I should, theoretically, be sleeping. But otherwise, it’s just the same. No stupid commentary about the players’ outfits (or asses), no commercials (during changeovers you watch the players in their chairs, just as you do in Queens), crowd chants again become part of the match (you can’t hear those on TV and when the whole crowd laughs, the announcers never tell you what’s so funny, the bastids), and you can even hear the scores being called from nearby courts, just as though you were there.

Here’s what it looks like on my screen. Click to enlarge to actual size. As you can see, it’s The Democratic Party vs. Urine. Or, they shortened the players names to three letters. Also, our girl Shahar is being manhandled by Dementieva. And not in that sexy way.

By the way, I know how few of you are actually tennis fans because my status message on gTalk is “mentally in Australia” and pretty much every one of my regular contacts IM’d me to ask, “what’s going on in Australia?” Oh, the humanity.

Apropos of nothing, this is post #411.
Mary J. Blige – What’s The 411?