Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Letters we’d like to send

Filed under : Student Life
On February 9, 2011
At 1:30 am
Comments : 5

Dear Professor,

cc: Barnes & Noble, UPS

The dog ate my reading. And by “the dog” I mean “UPS.” Yes, for the second week in a row, I won’t be able to participate in class discussion because my textbook is trapped somewhere in the middle of this fine country of ours. Also, I’d like you to turn your attention to that area which says “2 business days” because it has never changed since the day I received my “we have shipped your order” e-mail from Barnes & Noble & Satan. Only the date I’m supposed to receive it has. See how it says “Thursday, 2/10/11, By End of Day?” That was originally several other dates.

Not that you asked, but yes, I did laugh when I got the LivingSocial offer for a half price credit at B&N. Because, B&N and UPS, with regards to the phrase “two business days,” I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

By the way, at The Record Label, we had a warehouse in Sparks, NV. We used it to service our west coast accounts. Because by the time a store in New York receives an order from Nevada, the record is already over. KWIM? That’s what we call “customer service.” But here is a phrase I won’t bother to explain to you as you’ll have no need to understand it: “repeat business.”

Your pal,

Richard Ashcroft – The Journey (video)


5 Comments for this post

  1. sarpon says:

    Maybe someone at the Sparks processing center decided to take the book to Hodgkins personally. By foot.

  2. Alex says:

    Does it say “2 CONSECUTIVE business days”?

    No, it does not.

    I am sure that the day they sent it from Hodgkins, Illinois, was a business day, and the day it arrives in New York will probably be a business day, too.

  3. Beth says:

    Hodgkins is not far from my favorite fried chicken place. I smell road trip! And chicken.

  4. Becca says:

    Sarp, and then he had to rest for a few days, that does make sense.

    Alex, I can’t argue with your logic. But I’m still going to try.

    Beth, just don’t get any greaseprints on Understanding By Design: the Workbook. Because you KNOW you won’t be able to resist those finger-licking-good lesson plan templates.

  5. Becca says:

    Update! The book arrived! As Alex predicted, it was on a business day.

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