Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Letters we’d like to send

Filed under : Student Life
On February 9, 2011
At 1:30 am
Comments : 5

Dear Professor,

cc: Barnes & Noble, UPS

The dog ate my reading. And by “the dog” I mean “UPS.” Yes, for the second week in a row, I won’t be able to participate in class discussion because my textbook is trapped somewhere in the middle of this fine country of ours. Also, I’d like you to turn your attention to that area which says “2 business days” because it has never changed since the day I received my “we have shipped your order” e-mail from Barnes & Noble & Satan. Only the date I’m supposed to receive it has. See how it says “Thursday, 2/10/11, By End of Day?” That was originally several other dates.

Not that you asked, but yes, I did laugh when I got the LivingSocial offer for a half price credit at B&N. Because, B&N and UPS, with regards to the phrase “two business days,” I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

By the way, at The Record Label, we had a warehouse in Sparks, NV. We used it to service our west coast accounts. Because by the time a store in New York receives an order from Nevada, the record is already over. KWIM? That’s what we call “customer service.” But here is a phrase I won’t bother to explain to you as you’ll have no need to understand it: “repeat business.”

Your pal,

Richard Ashcroft – The Journey (video)