Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


I’m sorry, I left my brain in my other purse

Filed under : Life in general
On July 9, 2010
At 12:30 am
Comments : 6

When you have a bad day or a crazy day or an interesting day and you want to tell people about it, they all say, get a blog! Yesterday I had one of those days (crazy and bad, we’ll see about interesting) and I considered tweeting about it or making it my Facebook status or starting a thread on my forum and then I realized: this is why I have a blog!

Behold, the day where everything went wrong! It began in the morning when I made myself an egg & cheese on an English muffin. This might remind you of a sandwich sold by a purveyor of less Kosher sandwiches, but rest assured, this one is made by me. Then I ate it and went back to my bedroom where I am holed up during this heat wave and can get away with using the smaller air conditioner which only costs a leg to run, as opposed to two extremities. Of course, I closed the door to keep the cold, cold air in. This also kept me from noticing that I had left the fire on under the eggless frying pan, the oil had all burned up, and the fumes of nonstick pan and burned oil and egg remnants filled the air. Some people might say, holy Jesus fuck. I am one of those people. That’s what I say when I realize I almost burned my apartment down while enjoying frigid air in ignorance. Good thing I got thirsty at some point and wandered out for water.

Later, I began my first day of classes. As I was packing up my bag at the end of the last one, I realized I was missing my phone. You know the one: my shiny new, same as the Queen’s, BlackBerry. Holy Jesus fuck! Where was my phone? I even had the professor brainstorming. I told her I had turned it off before my first class (I never use my phone as a phone but my one call a week always seems to arrive during a class) but she insisted on calling it to see if it would ring. It did not. I felt sick. I retraced my steps between the classroom and the last place I had seen it, the library. All along the way I asked every security guard if he had found it. One even called all the others. Nope. I asked someone at the library, where I had sat between classes, if anyone had turned it in. Nope. Wait, was it a Nokia? Nope. I went back up to my seat and there it was sitting in plain sight on the table where I had been. Does no one turn things in to the lost and found anymore? On the other hand, no one had taken it home in three hours, either, so that was pleasant. But more importantly, how does a person just walk away and leave their phone on a table that contains nothing but that phone and not notice? And how could that person be me?

That was bad. But I was on my way home and only a half hour later than planned. I waited for the bus even though it takes a bit longer, because it’s 500 degrees in the subway. Then I waited some more. And then more. Finally, just as I was about to think flameproof thoughts and head for the IRT, the bus arrived. I reached into my pocket for my Metrocard and… nothing. My pocket was empty. Holy Jesus fuck! Everyone who had been waiting with me looked at me curiously as I didn’t manage to actually get on the bus. No thanks! I just enjoy the wait. I wish I had an explanatory story for this but I don’t. I still have no idea what happened and where that card is. My pockets are pretty deep. So all that waiting for nothing and the loss of about $20 on the card itself, plus the case I use to carry it, which I like very much. Er, liked very much.

I decided that all of this occurred because I have been unable to sleep lately and my mind was utterly gone. But with actual Things To Tire Me Out happening, I felt very tired last night. Yes, thank goodness I was finally exhausted enough to fall asleep at 11pm so none of this would recur the following day. Naturally, I woke up two and a half hours later. That gave me plenty of quality time to scrub all the burned bits out of my blackened frying pan. Don’t you love a happy ending?

Garbage – Stupid Girl