Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


It wasn’t me, it was the one-armed cousin

Filed under : Baseball
On February 18, 2009
At 1:15 am
Comments : 13

I’m a little high on Vicodin at the moment so bear with me.

You’ll laugh at that intro if you saw the A-Rod press conference today. I only saw the first bit and could barely hear even that as I was in the waiting room of my endodontist and the sound was turned way down on the fancee HDTV. But I did hear the first sentence and I was relieved that I did. See, when I was a kid, I never did homework. Never. God knows how I made it out of any grade. So when there was the sort of assignment that involved the teacher calling on you (“Becca, could you come up front and do your oral report?”) I’d get horrifically nervous, knowing that I’d have to say in front of my teacher and the entire class, “uh, sorry, I didn’t do my homework.” That never made me do the prep work the next time, though. I was young and stupid! My cousin in the Dominican told me it was harmless!


Today, (well, yesterday, but the Vikes made me fall asleep at 7 so now I’m awake watching Ace of Cakes on the Food Network) I had a root canal, my first ever, and I was super-nervous. It was at 1:30, coincidentally the same time as A-Rod’s press conference. And then I realized that at this very moment in time, I would rather be me than a multi-million dollar earning, fun baseball playing superstar. Because I’d prefer getting six painful shots and a vibrating drill stuck in my mouth over standing up in front of authority figures, my peers, and the whole world seemingly and having to say, “uh, I did the wrong thing and I have no real explanation – oops!” And if I was afraid that someone as public and savvy as A-Rod might not be as nervous as I would be, he started off by saying, “first, bear with me. I’m a little nervous or a lot nervous, so bear with me a little bit.” Awesome! The root canal was nowhere near as bad and that made me feel better.

PS, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: A-Rod is not a real Yankee and it has nothing to do with steroids. Thanks for understanding.

Howard Jones – No One Is To Blame