Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Dear Van Leeuwen Brothers truck,

Filed under : Life in general,New York City
On August 6, 2008
At 10:45 pm
Comments : 4

Please don’t park your ice creamy goodness along my favorite route to walk home. See, as I say all the time, math is not my strong point. But if I burn 200 calories walking home from work and then purchase an “artisan organic” cup of mint chip, I am still net about a brazillion calories. Of this I am pretty certain.

I know, the ice cream is technically optional. But we both know that’s not really true. Because you have this trick. Often you’re there. Sometimes you’re not. This is tortuous. Because then I have to act and act now. With Grom, I know it will always be there, waiting to dole out heavenly gelato. But not you, Van L. truck. It may be now or never. When I see you, it’s like serendipity.


And the way the mint tastes like real peppermint and the chocolate isn’t hard chips but rather crushed and blended throughout the scoop… why, I’ll never eat that violent green stuff again.

Maybe you’d better park right in front of my building.

PS, having that skinny hipster chick scooping the ice cream is just cruel.

Van Halen – Ice Cream Man


4 Comments for this post

  1. Deas says:

    Those Dutch, no humoUr, certainly no good humoUr.

    And, she’s probably skinny because of the hepatitis.

  2. Becca says:

    Wow, that is reassuring! I wonder if you can get hepatitis from ice cream. It’s a giant freezer up there in Canada so I bet you know the answer to that.

  3. Deas says:

    It pretty much depends what body part you are licking the ice cream from, of course, your aforementioned observation about our climate precludes most interesting body parts from being exposed. Although I suppose enough exposure could be an interesting experiment in the albeit temporary treatment of ED.

  4. Becca says:

    If I look at my two favorite Canadians other than you, Geddy Lee and Wayne Gretzky, I would vote for nose.

Comments are closed.