Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Bad news, always better in your stats

Filed under : Meta/Blognews,Sports,Tennis
On November 1, 2007
At 6:30 pm
Comments : 15

Gosh, it’s been a long time since I talked about my stats. It’s really time for “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” but I’ll probably get to that over the weekend because I’m actually planning/cooking a real dinner for Pious B tomorrow night. I have a new cookbook and a will to learn to cook versus what I usually do which is:

a. read directions
b. follow directions exactly
c. mix things together
d. stick in oven or on range

But luckily, Alice Waters has this new “simple foods” cookbook which I am hoping is for simple people, i.e. me, and thus will get me into a new mode where I:

a. read directions but
b. instinctively throw things together
c. taste until it’s what I like
d. heat with an actual technique

This year I have taken on French and running and I say, why can’t I be mediocre yet enthusiastic about this too? I can! Look out, Pi.

Anyway, I did have a topic here, yes. The stats. As I’ve noted before, I often find out something is going on in the world of tennis by how the searches are going in my stats. In case you couldn’t remember how obsessed I am with my stats, I received the following e-card today from my friend, Becky, who knows me all too well.


Today, as you can see at left, my stats were full of searches for pictures of Martina Hingis who isn’t usually even in my top 10, probably because no one is wondering if she’s Jewish. So I did my own search and it turns out she tested positive for cocaine and has decided to retire. Again. Well, I don’t know if the coke is a repeat but the retirement is. You can insert your own “she blew it” joke here. WTG, Martina! I knew I could count on you.

This could be the most disappointing sports month ever. David Nalbandian is playing Roger Federer in Paris today but I couldn’t even bring myself to update his page because I feel like I am cursed by the sports gods. I’m sure there’s a card for that somewhere.

ETA: Hey! Nalby won. Oh me of little faith. I suppose I should update the page.

Eric Clapton – Cocaine


15 Comments for this post

  1. Alex says:

    I thought “stick in oven or on range” was an “actual technique” for heating. Merde. It’s the only thing in my repertoire. I don’t even distinguish between “in oven” and “on range.” I just go with whatever’s less cluttered.

    But congratulations on Nalby’s victory. I know you worked hard for it. Or, rather, I know you’ve worked hard for it on prior occasions when he won the first two sets only to lose in five, so he owed you this. Glad he paid up when you needed him most, sports-wise.

    And a good Shabbos to you and Ms. B.

  2. sarpon says:

    I saw the amazing news about your boy Nalby on the CNN crawl at the gym this morning (note the convergence of improbable events, there) and I heard the news about Martina H. on NPR last night as I was driving. I even learned she made herself great by being “crafty,” which sounds very edgy in that context; strange because otherwise it would make me think of construction paper placecards or scrapbooking.

    But the reason I’m saying all this in the comment box here is that tennis news engages my interest now as it never did before, and all because of the j-ball.

  3. Becca says:

    Alex, well, it is. But I mean like “poaching” or “braising.” I think I only know “cook” and “bake.” And most Shabbos recipes in my world tend to be of the “two condiment chicken” variety. You know, “apricot-onion soup,” “honey-mustard,” “soy sauce-Italian dressing,” etc. Just mix them, pour on chicken, bake. This is a great method for busy pre-Shabbos situations but I am seeking something greater. There must be something greater than condiments.

    And thanks! I actually stayed up till the middle of the night to watch the repeat but that was more insomnia. And they didn’t show it anyway but Fabrice Santoro’s fun to watch in any case.

    Sarpon, I’m so glad! I do worry all the tennis bores people and I’m sure I’m right but every so often it’s a delight to get everyone’s minds together. I’m sure that helps The Nalby One.

    Martina is crafty. That’s why she was always my favorite over the power babes. She just used finesse and smarts. And she was always smiling. Her nickname is Chucky, if that tells you anything.

    But I believe her smarts have eluded her here. This was my favorite comment from Deadspin:

    It doesn’t help your case much when you announce your immediate retirement from the sport that just accused you of drug use.

    “I’ve never done cocaine! And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m leaving tennis forever.”

  4. Becca says:

    Apologies, Liid, that ended up in my spam comments bin but it has now been liberated.

  5. דוד says:

    מה שאותי יותר מדהים הוא, התשובה לשאלה “האם נלבנדיאן יהודי ?!” והתשובה שאנשים נותנים היא: “הוא ארמני..!”, אכן, ארמניה מנקודה מסוימת בהיסטוריה והלאה, הפסיקה להיות מדינה ולאום והפכה להיות באופן רשמי הדת המונותיאסטית הרביעית… ובכל מקרה, אני מעריך שאת מחזיקה אצבעות לפרישתו של היהודי היקר, אנדי רודיקסון, לטובתו של יהודי יקר אחר, נלבי.
    המשך יום נעים.

  6. Becca says:

    דוד,תודה לתגובה שלך. זאת נתנה לי חיוך בבקר! 🙂 . התשובה שאני נותנת גם כן שהוא ארמני. אבל אני מסכימה שהארמנים הם דומים ליהודים לפי שיש אנשים שרצו להרג אותם והעולם רוצה לשכח.

    ובכן, נלבי ורודיק הם לֹא יהודים, אז צריך גם להיות פן של שחר פאר או דודי סלע.

    כל טוב

    (sorry for the misplaced periods, the theme or WordPress or whatever, doesn’t want to work with Hebrew written on an English keyboard)

  7. Alex says:

    Obviously, Becca, you simply need to end every Hebrew sentence with an exclamation point or a smiley. They came out in the right place. Of course, then people will think you have entirely too much רוח.

  8. דוד says:

    1. No need for apologies.
    2. The pleasure is all mine. From the few posts I’ve managed to read by now, I can’t escape the impression of how pitty it is that most people who do get to know your blog, get to know it beacause they wonder whether Nalbandian is Jewish or not On the other hand, you can always look at the bright side, those people have never been your cup of tea, so it’s kind of a deuce, you get to improve in a bit the blog’s exposure stats and they shall wonder no more about Nalby, quite a fair deal, won’t you agree ?! 🙂

  9. Becca says:

    Alex, it actually showed up OK in my feed! Must work out this problem.

    David, thank you so much and thanks for stopping by. The truth is, and I have posted about this, I do not really understand why so many people wonder. What if he is? Does that make them feel better? Is he not worth supporting because he is an Argentinian of Armenian descent? But yes, I get so many searches for it and I believe they never come back once they have either found or not found what they are looking for. Because I don’t really give a definite answer. One day, perhaps I’ll meet him at the US Open and ask, “for the good of my blog, could you just answer this question….”

  10. דוד says:

    And for the sake of the good of your blog Becca, I hope he does it without taking off his pants…. 😉

    My 2 cents for the Nalbandian’s jewishness isuue: this question usually comes from Israelies who are used to search the israeli/jewish angle in every single event that takes place out there in general and in sports in particular. I think it’s our way to compensate about our relative inferiority in sports by jewishing every sportsman with a big nose (god save Ivan lendl). by the way, Here in Israel, I can quote main news websites that refer to nalby as a proud jewish.
    Another speculation might be that, people here in Israel try to compensate on the period, they were denied the pleasure in the knowledge of Boris Becker being a jewish, by simply converting top ten tennis players.

  11. Becca says:

    Ha! Well, you know, if I want real proof….

    Actually, at least for this blog, the question comes from around the world. But of course, there are Jews all around the world and probably those who don’t live in Israel are even more desperate for Jewish sports heroes.

    But as I said in the first comment, Israeli tennis players are so good these days that it shouldn’t be a problem. When Shahar did so well at the US Open and Sela at the Davis Cup, my phone rang off the hook; everyone was thrilled.

  12. דוד says:

    God forbid! to mess with a goi ?! Not on our conscience 😉

    Well, as much as we’re proud in Shahar and Dudi, we haven’t really had the chance to brag about a hardcore top ten tennis player of our own, that is why we’re adopting every shred of wispy indicator of Jewishness about those sportsmen. I now recall that while I was sitting at Ramat-Hasharon Arena, watching the game between Gozalez and Dudi, someone actually asked whether Fernando is Jewish. I guess nobody has mentioned those people that Judaism doesn’t spread in the air and if Masu is Jewish, it doesn’t necessarily makes his teammates Jewish as well…

  13. Becca says:

    Well, but you see, I root for Nathalie Dechy, even in singles, because she plays with Andy Ram. Associations are good!

    By the way, is Judaism really not spreadable by air? How about by blog?

  14. Alex says:

    I’ve just reread this post and its comments from beginning to end. It made me wonder what would happen if I Googled “two-condiment David Nalbandian,” or perhaps “honey-mustard Nalby.”

    Of course, now that I’ve posted this, we know what would happen. But I wonder what else would turn up….

Comments are closed.