Magic Jewball

Sorry, but I need you to say it in that announcer-y voice. Anyway, it’s Friday, it’s November-almost-December, it’s gray, and all my sports are out of season. So it’s time for another edition of this, this time with no video, just this handy still from a story on new Parisian spas (I don’t know about the pink tint, I think it’s the lighting in the spa). I tried to caption it, I really did, but it only makes my head explode. It’s not just the statement but the glow in the spa-lady’s eyes. So, I will just share it with you as is. Have a good weekend, everyone!

Today, in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, I overheard the following side of a conversation between a frum guy and a girl he was clearly connecting with for the first time, probably a possible shidduch date. We’ll leave aside that he was calling from a doctor’s office waiting room- the most private place ever!

“I’ve heard that about Beis Yaakov girls. [laughing] I think I’ve seen that video! ‘Beis Yaakov Girls Gone Wild!'”
(pause)
“No, it’s not a real video.”
(pause)
“No, I was joking, it’s not a real video.”
(longer pause)
“Well, no, they probably don’t really have that.”
(clears throat)
“So you said you’re from Florida?”

I somehow don’t have high hopes for this relationship.

Post Glossary
frum – religious, usually Orthodox
shidduch – set-up
Beis Yaakov – common name for an Orthodox girls’ school

Title comes from:
Love Boat Theme

You may not have noticed this but there are some sports that I cannot fathom and am not a fan of and are thus never mentioned here. I know, it’s hard to tell since you get way too much tennis, baseball, and sometimes even hockey. By the way, I have nothing against basketball but have you seen the Knicks lately? Ye gods and little fishes.

So I was just sitting here waiting for some football game to end so I could watch 60 Minutes, when I finally gave up and switched to one of my favorite movies of all time, Coming to America. (Brother2 and I can quote this movie to each other all day – it’s kind of stunning for two white Jews, really). And then came this conversation between Akeem, fresh from Africa, and his boss Mr. McDowell, whom he is trying to impress in American style.

Akeem: Sir, I was wondering, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?

McDowell: No, I didn’t.

Akeem: Oh, it was most exhilarating. The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay, and in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big H. It was a most gripping victory.

McDowell: Son, I’m just gonna tell you this one time.

Akeem (eagerly): Yes, sir?

McDowell: You want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.

That pretty much sums it up for me, yes. Is the game over yet?

Shiny Toy Guns – Waiting

Some people rescue kittens or stray dogs or forlorn pieces of furniture lying on the sidewalk. I am not amongst those people. What I am here to do is rescue songs from the clutches of the advertising industry, intent on ruining the meanings and associations of brilliant songs and instead making you think of cars and candy when you hear them. But no! I can’t have that happen. Not on my watch. And so, here’s our latest entry (I may have to have a category for these, I’m thinking – how depressing is that?).

This song is both sad and hopeful. It looks back and forward and even though the tone and melody are mournful and the lyrics have more than a touch of cynical, I’ve always chosen to see sincere hope in it. Especially during some of the worst times in my life. These times did not involve cartoon M&M’s riding on a tour bus, I assure you. Nor will they ever.

I’m actually kind of shocked that I’ve never chosen a track by this artist to be an iSotW, simply because I am so in love with so many songs by him (it was them, but it was really him, Matt Johnson), but, you know, fate has intervened to make this the first of probably many. And in the meantime, Matt has the money from M&M/Mars, Inc to keep him warm. Not that I blame him, he deserves it.

I haven’t done this for a while, but here are the lyrics. I ask you, does this make you want to eat M&M’s?

Well… you didn’t wake up this morning
’cause you didn’t go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
The calendar on your wall is ticking the days off

You’ve been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you’ve changed
All the money in the world couldn’t buy back those days

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place

You could’ve done anything, if you’d wanted
And all your friends and family think that you’re lucky
But the side of you they’ll never see
Is when you’re left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like
Glue

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place

This is the day your life will surely change…

Napster:
The The – This Is The Day

Streaming audio available on the iPod Song of the Week page.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving everyone. Me, I’m thankful for the eleven Facebook fans of J-Ball! Should you still want to join up, the link will everlastingly be in the Meta section of my Blogroll in the sidebar.

The rest of you will be punished with David Nalbandian’s horrendous singing in this comedy sketch from Argentinean TV. He starts about the -2:08 mark, if you can stand it, and his voice bears a striking resemblance to that of Slowpoke Rodriguez. Apparently, it’s a lot of in-jokes about Argentina. Hilarious!

[youtube width=”425″ height=”335″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r4_D0jtqms[/youtube]

OK now! Don’t quit your day job.

Title comes from:
Nine Inch Nails – My Violent Heart