Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Less filling! Tastes great!

Filed under : Baseball
On June 18, 2007
At 11:15 pm
Comments : 13

Everyone knows my “let’s all be pals no matter what our team” philosophy, but what happens when a Yankees fan (we’ll make that me) and a Mets fan (played in our example by Sarpon) GTalk their way through an overhyped Subway Series game? Let’s find out!

MF: when did 9 become the Yankees channel? WOR was the Mets station when I was a kid, 11 was the Yankees
YF: a few things in NY have changed since you left
MF: how dare they?
YF: you guys have got to stop catching these
you’re robbing us!
MF: that catch by Gomez was amazing
and the throw for the double play – fabu!
YF: shut up, I can’t hear you
MF: hey, come on, the Mets haven’t won a game in months
YF: but you’re in first place and we’re 456 games back
and a half
hey, do the Mets do God Bless America too?
because it annoys the frick out of me
MF: at the game I went to, they did both and I was mollified
YF: bleah, it’s overkill
MF: but the fact that they do GBA pisses me off
YF: well, who’s God going to bless, Lesotho?
MF: doing the anthem at the beginning is pandering enough
MF: I prefer America the Beautiful, if you have to sing something
YF: I prefer Baby Got Back if you have to sing something
MF: Oh, if we’re opening up the subject matter…
YF: yes?
lay it on me
don’t say Centerfield
MF: or Louis Louis
YF: Well, maybe I’ll open this one up to the blog… that ought to elicit some fun comments
MF: I have a house full of teenagers. They’re “singing” along to their favorite music. I believe they are saying “get out mah face, ho.”
YF: I always liked “Move, bitch, get out da way”
MF: now it sounds like “get outta my way, ho.” Not sure if it’s another line, or if I simply misunderstood before.
YF: it sounds like it’s full of varied thoughts and feelings
MF: You sell this shit, huh?
YF: um…. noooo….. of course not…..uh, we sell that “respect your parents” rap music
MF: oh, my, I haven’t laughed that hard in days. I think I just peed my pants a little.
MF: oh, you have six whole outs. We don’t know how to win games any more. you have nothing to worry about.
YF: really? I feel so much better
MF: besides, I hear you’ve got Roger Clemens now, and no one can hit him
YF: uh, right, yes, so we’ve seen
btw, he just earned $40 million
MF: see? Anyone who earns that much money to pitch can’t possibly lose any games… just stands to reason
YF: he’s like the Titanic!
Even God could not get a hit off Roger Clemens, sir!
MF: Was that how much he got for tonight?
YF: there might be some change too
MF: so, I heard he has a special clause in his contract that fairies whisk him away from the ballpark as soon as he leaves the mound. Is that true?
YF: you’re crazy! Four hot ladies carry him off on a litter
MF: how could I be so stupid. Sorry, we don’t get the same in depth coverage here in the sticks
I wonder if Green would have caught that ball if he hadn’t broken his foot?
YF: he broke his foot?
MF: yes, he just came off the DL a few days ago
YF: oh, I must have missed the Daily Mets Report
MF: I can see how it would be hard for you to have access to information about the Mets, where you live and all
YF: they come in the daily baseball RSS feed from the NYT, but I can never figure out why they’re there
MF: almost as if they’re a real team or something
YF: I can’t keep track of two rivalries! it’s not fair
MF: But your team came up from the cellar to 2nd in ten days — that’s incroyable!
YF: I know, it really is… well there’s still plenty of season to go… I have lots of Mylanta stocked up
MF: great camera work
YF: oh, I’m just listening to the radio…. I look up at the TV if anything sounds exciting
MF: it was a close up shot of the butt of Franco’s bat
YF: I read that wrong
maybe I was thinking of my colonoscopy
MF: I think my feed is slow
YF: oh?
it’s a 1-2 count
MF: I have 1-1
YF: 2-2
yeah, slow
YF: ah well… this has been fun, I hope they play again tomorrow
MF: Maybe they will, you know how boys are, always looking for a re-match
YF: they may even take it to Sunday, although I don’t want to predict
MF: Atlanta won
YF: Boston is up 10-2 in the 9th
MF: yeah
YF: well, Scarlett says tomorrow is another day so I’m going to go with that
of course, she never had Rhett leaving comments on her blog
MF: Hey, Father’s Day is Sunday — I wonder if they’ll be playing with special blue bats — you know, to get men out to the park
YF: right, that’s a demo they should look into
maybe blue armbands for prostate cancer
MF: maybe they could re-work their menus, serve things men like, such as beer and hot dogs
YF: do they have a suggestion box?
MF: we should work up a whole presentation

No need, they actually did. Sarpon and I will be starting our MLB front office jobs any day now.

*nodding in complete agreement… we’re hoping it catches on. Be the first on your block to use it!

Kate Smith – God Bless America


13 Comments for this post

  1. Julia says:

    Nothing to say about baseball…but “Move Bitch” is one of my favorite personal empowerment songs.

  2. kay says:

    My brother has long been campaigning that “Keep on Rockin’ in the Free World” should be our national anthem.

    Let’s see what happens this week with two farm clubs–the Rockies and the Yankees–meet up.

  3. Becca says:

    Julia, do you sing it in your head when you’re behind slow-assed pedestrians, or is that just me?

    Kay, we sent all our minor leaguers back, even Tyler Clip Art. We’re 100% professional and overpaid now!

  4. KP says:

    I vote for Closer by Nine Inch Nails to replace God Bless America.

  5. Julia says:

    Absolutely – it’s a great remedy for sidewalk rage. Or at least something to do while you’re waiting for someone to get out da way bitch, get out da way. Also useful for highway driving.

  6. Becca says:

    That ought to be fun for the kids, KP.

    Highway driving! I’ve heard people do that. I can see how this song might come in handy, yes.

  7. KP says:

    Hey, my kids ask for either the NIN or the Deftones CD when we are in the car. I stand by my choice.

  8. Alex says:

    “Closer”??? My mother says I’m not old enough to listen to that song.

    I’m 43.

    And my mother’s right.

  9. Becca says:

    I don’t play that song near pictures of my mother.

  10. KP says:

    Actually we don’t listen to that particular song, but I believe they have heard worse than that at an actual Yankees game.

  11. Soxy says:

    NICA with Kay’s brother.

  12. sarpon says:

    YaY Soxy! “NICA” will be bigger than “LOL”, MMW*.

    * mark my words

  13. Becca says:


    *I knew it would catch on.

Comments are closed.