Magic Jewball

Everyone knows my “let’s all be pals no matter what our team” philosophy, but what happens when a Yankees fan (we’ll make that me) and a Mets fan (played in our example by Sarpon) GTalk their way through an overhyped Subway Series game? Let’s find out!

MF: when did 9 become the Yankees channel? WOR was the Mets station when I was a kid, 11 was the Yankees
YF: a few things in NY have changed since you left
MF: how dare they?
YF: you guys have got to stop catching these
you’re robbing us!
MF: that catch by Gomez was amazing
and the throw for the double play – fabu!
YF: shut up, I can’t hear you
lalalalalalalala
MF: hey, come on, the Mets haven’t won a game in months
YF: but you’re in first place and we’re 456 games back
and a half
hey, do the Mets do God Bless America too?
because it annoys the frick out of me
MF: at the game I went to, they did both and I was mollified
YF: bleah, it’s overkill
MF: but the fact that they do GBA pisses me off
YF: well, who’s God going to bless, Lesotho?
MF: doing the anthem at the beginning is pandering enough
YF: NICA*
MF: I prefer America the Beautiful, if you have to sing something
YF: I prefer Baby Got Back if you have to sing something
MF: Oh, if we’re opening up the subject matter…
YF: yes?
lay it on me
don’t say Centerfield
MF: or Louis Louis
YF: Well, maybe I’ll open this one up to the blog… that ought to elicit some fun comments
MF: I have a house full of teenagers. They’re “singing” along to their favorite music. I believe they are saying “get out mah face, ho.”
YF: I always liked “Move, bitch, get out da way”
MF: now it sounds like “get outta my way, ho.” Not sure if it’s another line, or if I simply misunderstood before.
YF: it sounds like it’s full of varied thoughts and feelings
MF: You sell this shit, huh?
YF: um…. noooo….. of course not…..uh, we sell that “respect your parents” rap music
MF: oh, my, I haven’t laughed that hard in days. I think I just peed my pants a little.
YF: did I mention? YOU’RE KILLING OUR STREAK
MF: oh, you have six whole outs. We don’t know how to win games any more. you have nothing to worry about.
YF: really? I feel so much better
MF: besides, I hear you’ve got Roger Clemens now, and no one can hit him
YF: uh, right, yes, so we’ve seen
btw, he just earned $40 million
MF: see? Anyone who earns that much money to pitch can’t possibly lose any games… just stands to reason
YF: he’s like the Titanic!
Even God could not get a hit off Roger Clemens, sir!
MF: Was that how much he got for tonight?
YF: there might be some change too
MF: so, I heard he has a special clause in his contract that fairies whisk him away from the ballpark as soon as he leaves the mound. Is that true?
YF: you’re crazy! Four hot ladies carry him off on a litter
MF: how could I be so stupid. Sorry, we don’t get the same in depth coverage here in the sticks
I wonder if Green would have caught that ball if he hadn’t broken his foot?
YF: he broke his foot?
MF: yes, he just came off the DL a few days ago
YF: oh, I must have missed the Daily Mets Report
MF: I can see how it would be hard for you to have access to information about the Mets, where you live and all
YF: they come in the daily baseball RSS feed from the NYT, but I can never figure out why they’re there
MF: almost as if they’re a real team or something
YF: I can’t keep track of two rivalries! it’s not fair
MF: But your team came up from the cellar to 2nd in ten days — that’s incroyable!
YF: I know, it really is… well there’s still plenty of season to go… I have lots of Mylanta stocked up
MF: great camera work
YF: oh, I’m just listening to the radio…. I look up at the TV if anything sounds exciting
MF: it was a close up shot of the butt of Franco’s bat
YF: I read that wrong
maybe I was thinking of my colonoscopy
MF: I think my feed is slow
YF: oh?
it’s a 1-2 count
MF: I have 1-1
YF: 2-2
yeah, slow
YF: ah well… this has been fun, I hope they play again tomorrow
MF: Maybe they will, you know how boys are, always looking for a re-match
YF: they may even take it to Sunday, although I don’t want to predict
MF: Atlanta won
YF: Boston is up 10-2 in the 9th
MF: yeah
YF: well, Scarlett says tomorrow is another day so I’m going to go with that
of course, she never had Rhett leaving comments on her blog
MF: Hey, Father’s Day is Sunday — I wonder if they’ll be playing with special blue bats — you know, to get men out to the park
YF: right, that’s a demo they should look into
maybe blue armbands for prostate cancer
MF: maybe they could re-work their menus, serve things men like, such as beer and hot dogs
YF: do they have a suggestion box?
MF: we should work up a whole presentation

No need, they actually did. Sarpon and I will be starting our MLB front office jobs any day now.

*nodding in complete agreement… we’re hoping it catches on. Be the first on your block to use it!

Kate Smith – God Bless America