PSA to party planners
If you are handling a reunion of some sort and you are working with a directory that is eons and eons old, it is best not to leave a message on an answering machine that goes approximately like this:
“Hi Bill? This is Janet from _____. You probably don’t remember me but we were _____ at ______ together and a bunch of us wanted to get together, and oh, Bill everyone wants to see you especially. I hope this is you, Bill. My phone list is really, really old but…. is that your wife, Bill? We’d love to meet her too and know what you’re up to. Remember when we _______ and then when Alice and Jennifer joined us for _______. Those were great times and…. I really hope this is you, Bill. If it isn’t, I’m so sorry to intrude on your time but… anyway, so there will be six of us, hopefully and, oh gosh, remember ________? That was just so, so great. We can’t wait to see you and remember _____ together. You can reach me at ______. Can’t wait to hear from you! [pause] Oh, and remember that time when we all went to _____ and _____? Man, that was just wonderful. So, call me soon, Bill! If this is Bill.”
I not only left out all the details but about five more paragraphs of her life story with Bill. Listen, Janet, were you afraid that unless you described every little thing he might not remember you and the gang and all your good times? I suppose you were swept away by the memories but obviously not enough to keep from interjecting every few minutes, “gosh, I hope this is you, Bill.” Indeed.
I swear, I meant to call her back after dinner and try not to completely embarrass her by letting her know that she had just told many detailed and some intimate things to a complete stranger who knows her name, phone number, and employer (yay for Caller ID). Because if I was Bill and experienced all those fun times then I’ve clearly been drinking quite a lot and have total amnesia as to some surgery and whatnot. But you know how it goes. Dinner leads to the premiere of Big Love leads to fixing the TiVo because it crapped out, and yadda yadda yadda. She ended up calling back hours later and even though I knew it was her, I played innocent so it went like this:
Me: Hello?
She: Uh, hi, is Bill there?
Me: Oh, you left the message earlier! I’m sorry, you have the wrong number, there’s no Bill here.
She: No?
Me: Nope
She: {slightly miffed} Oh.
< click >
I can’t decide. Was she just utterly humiliated (good call, no pun intended) or was she pissed at me for not calling her back? I can’t help it that I’m a. not Bill and b. am hungry at 8pm and c. have got a TV thing going on. Perhaps I’ll call her back at ______ & Company and find out.
