Magic Jewball

It’s a brand spanking new month and you know what that means, a look back at the best searches of the last month complete with responses from yours truly, who pretty much always has a response for everything. Ask my exes!*

*note, please don’t ask my exes.

As a fun new feature, I’ll list the top 5 searches, excepting the usual “jewball” ones, at the end.

breakfast in america rap

This can’t be real. Please say it’s not real. I want to wake up in a world where this can’t possibly exist.

viva vaidisova

Hey, she won today, but I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned her. Google doesn’t lie, however, so I must have.

mammographer comments

It’s pretty much “stick your boob in there, thanks” as far as I recall.

are there any famous people from jerusalem?

Jesus? No, that was Nazareth. My cousin? He was on TV once. I’ll have to ponder this one.

david nalbandian people most beautiful people

Perhaps there are two David Nalbandians.

songs with the name becca

Becca, Becca, fo fekka… yeah, I don’t know.

famous people on the titanic

Kate Winslet?

wolfmother are you kidding me

Preach it.

what do you say to a jewish person that sneezes?

Ew, don’t get any of that on me, here’s a tissue. Or bless you works too. Like Yiddish? Gesundheit. Hebrew? Labriut. I’d still go with “bless you.”

gos save the queen

That gos sure is powerful.

horribly famous people from british history

David Beckham? Oliver Cromwell?

david gahan is jewish

No, he’s not.

how to get your classic car in the puerto rico parade

I feel nearly 100% certain that the answer to this question is not found anywhere on this blog.

ipod bat mitzvah theme

Will there be free iPods? Because I could put aside my moral qualms and attend, if you really, really insisted.

jury duty in new york city what to expect

Expect the unexpected! Unless you expect boredom and tedium, in which case you’re pretty much right.

david nalbandian is fat

But… but… he’s one of the beautiful people!

chris noth tearoom

I can’t even begin to imagine what this person was looking for but I included it so I could tell you that I ran into him last week crossing the street. Now I can join the majority of New Yorkers in saying that I’ve spotted him, phew.

gone till november meaning

Well, it’s very complicated. The guy is going to be gone for a long time and his lady will miss him. No wait, that wasn’t complicated. Never mind.

fruity pebbles named after

It’s either Pebbles Flintstone or Jessica Rabbit, I can never remember.

delta jfk terminal rebuild

I understand it’s done now. Gosh, I’ll miss dropping my luggage into a big pile and hoping someday I’ll see it again before sitting on a dirty floor to await my flight.

martin gore birthday

July 23rd! Did you see my post? Did you like it? Oh, who am I kidding, I’ll never see you again.

And the “why not just Google every word of the lyrics to the fucking song” award goes to the Googler of:

yes i am alone. but then again i always was. as far back as i can tell i think maybe it’s because because you were never really real to begin with i just made you up to hurt myself. and it worked

Top 5 Searches for May:
1. roger federer jewish (and variations of same)
2. david nalbandian
3. paul banks
4. mardy fish jewish (and variations of same)
5. janko tipsarevic

I’d also like to state that a photo I took of David Nalbandian comes up as the #2 on Google images for the search term “nalbandian.” That probably means nothing except that a lot of people are “borrowing” it right now.

I’d post Nine Inch Nails’ Only (the award song) but if I hadn’t done so already that search would never have led to me in the first place. Same with Gone Till November. I’ll have go with something less obvious.

Marilyn Manson – The Beautiful People