Magic Jewball

I’m sorry I’ve been a little out of touch but it’s been necessary to eat my way through New York to make up for eight days of matzah. Actually, I didn’t really eat very much matzah. If you’re a regular matzah-eater you’ll get my meaning. If not, let me tell you the true meaning of Passover. The Jews were slaves in Egypt but God rescued them by sending ten plagues (this was actually my Google widget French word of the day the other day but I’ve already forgotten it – that’s OK, I don’t think it’ll come up in too many everyday conversations). But the Jews were in a rush and God knew there’d be no bathrooms on the way to the Promised Land so in His infinite wisdom, He provided them with matzah to stop them up completely. This is why I don’t really eat matzah.

The first thing I ate was sushi but it disappointed; the local Japanese place clearly did not understand my need for “I just escaped from the island on Lost” type quality. You may wonder why I didn’t go with a known quantity with my take-out but I’ve taken to ordering on SeamlessWeb so that I don’t need to speak to any humans who will mangle my order, and they don’t have every restaurant out there just yet. And this morning I had my own version of the ubiquitous McDonald’s breakfast sandwich but without bacon. I call this an Egg BecMuffin. This didn’t really hit me in the right spot either. But finally, this evening, I found the food that reminded me that grain can be transmuted and combined with copious amounts of sugar and nuclear food coloring to obtain The Perfect Food.

Yes, after that many searches showing up in my stats, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and went for the Fruity Pebbles. I was too lazy to take a photo and post it when there are so many good ones already out there, but my box actually used the word “wholesome” on it as well as touting how many vitamins and how much fiber it has. See, if you were reading last year you’ll remember that my first chametz food was Cocoa Puffs but this year I decided to go with a health food.

LL Cool J – Milky Cereal

Oh, and postscript: I’ve had reports that the movie I posted a few days ago is wreaking havoc with some people’s systems, I’m guessing those who don’t have Quicktime or are still using PS/2’s from the Reagan era. Sorry about that, folks, I’ll try to fix it when it’s not 4 in the morning.

Edit, 4/14… I gave in and loaded the video up to YouTube and did a link. I hate giving up. Anyhoo, you can now enjoy my 1:23 of Simpsons snippet without crashing Internet Explorer. It’s back down there in the Crepes of Wrath. Keep scrolling. Yes, that’s it.