Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Capital City!

Filed under : America,Travel
On March 12, 2007
At 4:40 pm
Comments : 16

Yesterday, for the first time in many years, I found myself in lovely Washington, DC. Not that I saw any of it as I went straight from Union Station to the Metro so I could get out to Rockville. As I sat for my as-advertised, 31 minute ride on the Red line, I couldn’t help thinking about my daily commute vs. this radically different one. And so I present, in tabular form, a side-by-side comparison.

Well, not that I’m trying to choose a winner but I must give DC props on clean & comfortable plus that whole lack of rats thing. However, they are doomed to lose many points since no one tells me to “step back,” sister.

R.E.M. – (Don’t Go Back To) Rockville


16 Comments for this post

  1. Average Jane says:

    Aww… You were in my town! Literally! Rockville has its perks. We like to live large here. (note: that is a lie. we don’t live large. we live suburban. and there aren’t enough young single jews. but loads of their parents.)

    Metro is fabulous. I’m so glad you and your tuchus agree!

  2. Sarpon says:

    Your table looks like something that could be done on any PC. You’re lucky I adore you and would never think of turning you in to the Mac police.

  3. Soxy says:

    I don’t know much about them there NYC Subway fare machines (mainly because you did it for me), but I do know for a fact that if you need $1.50 fare in DC, and you put in a $20, you will get a $15 card and $5 worth of quarters. And a station attendant trying not to laugh at you when you’re almost in tears because 15 of your last $20 is on a stupid Metro card you’ll never use again.

  4. Alex says:

    But, Soxy, people who commute into DC asked me to say, “Thank you for your generous, if non-tax-deductible, contribution to the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority.”

    OK, really, they didn’t…but they should have. And maybe they should put a little plaque with your name on something, like one of those tuchus-friendly seats that Becca took such a shine to.

    Oh, and I totally agree with Avg. Jane about the suburbanity of Rockville. Why, right up there on Rockville Pike, there’s a Ruby Tuesday in the same shopping center as a Bennigan’s, across the street from a Friday’s; there’s a Bed, Bath & Beyond just up the street from Linens ‘n’ Things. Of course, there’s also so much traffic that “just up the street” could be a 30-minute drive.

  5. Becca says:

    Jane, but where exactly are there enough young single Jews? Wait, Over the Rainbow just popped into my head. Someday I’ll wish upon a star and…well, you get me.

    Sarpon, I use Excel for Mac and it works just swell! Listen, as long as I don’t put a Donate button on this site there will be no fancy Photoshop graphics, hear?

    Soxy, actually, although I tend not to like zone-based fares, I was really excited that I could choose whichever amount I wanted and put it on my credit card. I chose $2.35, you’ll never guess why. By the way, they added two more languages to my local station’s machines. Magnifique! I know because I dropped mine down a sewer grate today and had to buy a new one. Merde.

    Alex, the place I was happened to be near a big shopping center with a Whole Foods and several other attractive stores. I almost detoured but I was late already, having walked out the wrong side of the Metro station and wandering around in utter bafflement wondering why none of the streets on my Google map were appearing.

  6. Lisatagio says:

    I love your table.
    Here’s another suggested entry:

    Brakes: Reminiscent of the keening at a wake, the wailing of a banshee, the cry of the Nazgul, or the sound a dementor makes when it sucks your soul out; induce permanent hearing loss, while jolting one off one’s feet like the Big Kahuna when they finally and suddenly take hold.

    Brakes: What brakes? The Metro glides silently to a smooth stop.

  7. I was in DC in December and I could not get over how clean the stations were. Though they charge you by how far you go and you need a ticket to exit the station which I did not like so chalk one up for NYC.

  8. Becca says:

    Tag, ha! But come on now, that would have broken my table.

    Oh, Mid, that was the other difference. I remembered I needed my card but I had trouble because the turnstile wouldn’t take it on the way out. And no one behind me cursed me.

  9. I love the Metro. DC is one place I hate to drive so I never rent a car there anymore. One time, I did. I quickly got to where I was going without scratching, denting, folding, mutilating, or spindling the rental vehicle. Then, I parked it and breathed a sigh of relief. When I came back to it 30 minutes later, someone had hit it. In a parking garage. Doofus.

    I rode the subway once in NYC and got off at the wrong stop. At night. In a bad neighborhood. One of my cab rides that trip involved a driver who didn’t believe in bathing more than once a month, windows that didn’t work (nor did the A/C), and a broken seatbelt that trapped me in the backseat. This resulted in the driver climbing in the backseat with me with his tools on the corner of 54th and Broadway during rush hour yelling at people who kept trying to get in the cab while he struggled to set me free. Believe it or not, those aren’t the worst parts of my trip to NY but it still remains my second favorite city. Next time, however, I will hire a car.

  10. Soxy says:

    Well, at least quarters can be used for laundry. In Boston you get Lady Liberty dollars. Because everyone needs those.

  11. Celia says:

    Becca, I know exactly where you were. Did you actually traverse the entire enormous parking lot on the wrong side of the station? If so, you were within a stone’s throw of my old office building.

  12. Alex says:

    Becca, I totally know where you were. (Just north of the Ruby Tuesday/Bennigan’s/Friday’s shopping centers.) Not only that, but I also totally know, based on where you were, exactly where you were going, and you were within a half-mile of our old house. Oh, for a time machine…!

    Soxy, Lady Liberty dollars? Wow. That’s just user-hostile. Does the machine that dispenses them have a computer-generated voice that says, “No Backsies”? I was somewhere once where machines dispensed Sacagawea dollars as change, but wouldn’t accept them as payment.

  13. Pious B says:

    Ahem –
    Well hellooo, Becca/It’s so nice to have you back where you belong/You’re lookin’ swell, Becca/We can tell, Becca/You’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’/You’re still goin’ strong

  14. Becca says:

    Ima, or me, hire me. I will guide you plus maybe earn enough for a better graphics program. Everybody wins!

    Wow, Celia & Alex, it’s like you guys lived right near each other!

    Celia, I might have. I was so confused I really couldn’t tell you where the hell I was.

    Aw, Pi, having just survived a day in our fabulous court system, it’s even more delightful to hear that.

    More on that later but now I must collapse.

  15. KP says:

    I was also away ( from the internets, not from home unfortunately) so I must say immediately that I have missed the JBall so.
    I love that song BTW.

  16. EmeraldMPH says:

    Next time you’re looking for ads on the Metro, take a detour to the Pentagon stop, where the ads are for… no kidding… defense and weapons contractors. As in, buy your helicopters and spy satellites from us. I find it extremely disconcerting.

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