Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Snappy answers to stupid questions

Filed under : Meta/Blognews
On January 16, 2007
At 4:45 pm
Comments : 15

Yes, it’s that time again. The time when I have nothing special to post about, my stats drop off, and I cry and cry. So let’s take yet another look at what people are searching for when they find me, at least through December 2006 (remember 2006? no, me either).

After various incarnations of magic jewball (who the hell searches for that? try typing in next time), the #1 most searched for term was “is David Nalbandian Jewish?” Technically it broke down into:

nalbandian jewish (23 hits)
david nalbandian jewish (20 hits)
david nalbandian jew (5 hits)
david nalbandian is jewish (3 hits)
is david nalbandian jewish? (3 hits)
is david nalbandian jewish (3 hits)
david nalbandian jewish tennis player (3 hits)

Second was the same question regarding Roger Federer. We had:

roger federer jewish (15 hits)
federer jewish (12 hits)
federer jew (7 hits)
roger federer jew (6 hits)

People also wondered if Dave Gahan, Paul Banks, Mardy Fish, and Boy George were Jewish. As you are all aware, I don’t know the answers to these questions, nor do I care. I’m more interested in why these other people care, although as far as I can tell, they never come back and so I am doomed to a life of ignorance on this matter.

I also appreciate people searching for their own corporate interests like the people from CNN who search for Jeannie Moos and Pat Kiernan and the people from JetBlue who search for JetBlue.

But sometimes there are questions I can answer and so I’ll do my best despite the fact that I know these folks are long gone and probably have moved on to the next desperate query in their lives. This time I’ll actually choose from just the last couple of months’ keyword searches.

what happened on december 20th
To me? Not much. Oh did you mean some other year? Probably not much then either.

ignorant famous people
Was this a question? All of them!

do americans like posh and becks
It remains to be seen. They hope so. I hope not.


orthodox judaism wear deodorant
Some don’t wear the dry or roll-on kinds on the sabbath. They do spray. I could explain further but you probably already asked the Jewish guy down the street.

dr sanjay gupta jewish
You’re kidding, right?

norcross prostitution
Not you again!

how am i supposed to do a line lyrics
There you go.

i need photographs of a sukkah booth!
Well, I supplied you with some! See how it pays to be vehement!

maynard james keenan anti-semitism
Say it ain’t so!

why don’t jews write the name of god?
Oh my God I actually answered this! Oh wait, see I do.

jofo published
Why, Jofo, is this true?

crowded house ain’t cooking in my kitchen
Mine either and it’s a real pity. One of them’s dead so not him but the others. Unless you meant they’d be the actual ones cooked in which case that’s just cruel.

my friend works with katie couric
How proud you must be.

believe me natalie interpretation
See, there’s this girl Natalie and it’s her last chance to find a go-go and dance to disco now. It’s a bit like Nietzsche.

does the magic jewball love sooner nerd
Oh, RN, of course I do.

top ipod songs this week
You might try, I dunno, iTunes?

which famous people were jews?
David Nalbandian? Roger Federer? Moses?

orthodox conversion ceremonial prick

generic yom kippur forgiveness email
Oh come on, don’t you think whoever it is deserves more than a generic e-mail after what you did?

jewball makes me crazy
Me too, really.

how to pronounce ghyslain
Strangely, I learned how since that post. That doesn’t really help you, does it?

kosher chocolate candy in the shape of maccabees
I love those!

babylonians famous people
Nebuchadnezzer is pretty much the only one I can think of.

do you have to be fit to go into the ambulance
And if you’re not, what happens? “Tone up, we’ll be back in six weeks.”

can the magic jewball pull my lever
OK, really, who was that?

There were a lot more but this is getting long. It just goes to show you, if you stick around I’ll answer your question. And as a reminder, should you have Jew&A questions, do e-mail them and maybe I’ll have something fun to write about. Not sure what I’m talking about? New to JBall? You can either look at the Judaism category, search for Jew&A, or just be bold and send me your pressing need-to-know question about Judaism. Everyone wins!


Depeche Mode – A Question Of Time


15 Comments for this post

  1. Jane says:

    I can’t believe you forgot December 20th already. That was the day I almost moved to Yuma, Arizona and you and I agreed that there would be something inside the purse I was getting for Christmas.

  2. Becca says:

    I said I didn’t remember 2006. Who are you again?

  3. RN says:

    What make you think I’m the only Sooner Nerd?

    ~looking around~

  4. Alex says:

    Dr. Sanjay Gupta COULD be Jewish, Becca. All kinds of unlikely people turn out to be Jewish. Or so I’m told.

  5. Becca says:

    RN and Alex are both correct. Man, I am just so quick with those assumptions. In fact, Dr. Sanjay Gupta is probably a Sooners Nerd as well as being Jewish.

  6. Soxy says:

    Of course, I had to google “does the magic jewball love Soxy” The answer is yes, of course.

    This google thing is like a magic eightball…

  7. Julia says:

    Is the deodorant thing true?

  8. Becca says:

    Like you didn’t know, Soxy! You can keep your team, though.

    I never lie, Julia!*

    *Expedient exaggerations do not count as lies.

  9. Alex says:

    You can convert to being a Sooner nerd? I though you had to be born to that!

  10. Sarpon says:

    They do turn you away the first three times, but after that you’re golden.

    I tried yoda-googling “use deodorant magic jewball” but all I got was cullote. What’s up with that?

  11. Becca says:

    Alex, you can but I’m afraid to hear what they snip.

    Sarpon, I tried calling Sergey & Larry but I’ve been on hold for four hours now. And the hold music is “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.”

    OK, I interrupt my own blog to report that Paul Banks is posting on DuJane. Go there now!

  12. kb says:

    I loved this! Google searches and answers should be a regular monthly feature.

  13. Crankshaft says:

    Bless Dr Sanjay Gupta and the speculations surrounding his … proclivities.

    The Jews, especially Orthodox ones, certainly take their Sabbath seriously, don’t they?

    Sometimes, the extent to which they do alarms others. 🙂

  14. Becca says:

    KB, as long as I run out of things to write, it may very well be! I have discovered that I am actually #2 for the Nalbandian-Jewish search. Why not #1? I am so hurt.

    Crankshaft (my first commenter from Malaysia, woo!), most Orthodox Jews do in fact take the Sabbath and all other Jewish laws pretty seriously. I know I should comment on the blog on which you contribute, but eh, I’ll do it here.

    1. I didn’t read the article but Avi Shafran is pretty famous and exasperates many people here in NY, Orthodox Jews included.

    2. Most frum people I know plan their lives accordingly so they don’t run into that kind of situation. It’s only happened to me a couple of times and both times I kept driving. Most folks I know do. Ten miles? Come on. If he was bending the rules enough to get into someone’s car, he should have just stayed in his own. Judaism is all about interpretation and many people would have indeed kept driving in order not to risk their own safety.

    3. Believe me, the world in which the Torah originated had far more dangerous neighborhoods than we have today. Do people really think the world was safer in ancient times than it is now?

    4. Yes, it’s hard to practice halachic Judaism and I don’t even do it as strictly as many others. If the benefits didn’t outweigh the hardships no one would do it, though, kinda like having kids or living in New York.

    5. No one should spend too much time bemoaning what other people choose to do. It smacks of a certain insecurity.

    6. Thanks for visiting, come again!

Comments are closed.