Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Chi-town confidential

Filed under : Travel
On January 8, 2007
At 2:40 pm
Comments : 17

OK, so now for the real post, which is hard because all the caffeine seems to have worn off. I guess I should just be glad to still be alive, however. Rockin’. So how tired am I? So tired that I paid the Korean bodega lady this morning for my banana with what I thought was a quarter but instead turned out to be a Euro. Then I stared at her blankly as she tried to give it back to me. Oops. Especially because I’m supposed to be holding onto that Euro for a friend with whom I lost a bet. I guess I shouldn’t be carrying it around with the rest of my change.

But I digress. Anyway, have you ever boarded a plane with absolutely no luggage? And by the time you check in for your outbound flight the inbound flight is ready for check-in as well because it’s later the same day? Oh fine, you’re all hotshots. But I have never done that and did so yesterday. That’s right, I flew to Chicago for the day to see DuJane! I know, I know, it’s shocking we’ve never met, especially because this is the third attempt and both previous trips were thwarted by my own fickleness. But finally it happened!

How did I accomplish this? I started by getting up at the crack of dawn…no, I meant to do that but instead I just didn’t bother going to sleep. I mean it’s Saturday night, you get home late, and then you’re supposed to get up at 3:30am? Who needs that? Not me. Not many people need to get anywhere at 4am on a Sunday morning. Witness my subway station in all its desolation.

Luckily, the Airtrain was a bit more populated than this and by the time I got to JFK it was actually pretty bustling. Shockingly, the second the plane took off, I was completely asleep and five seconds later we landed. Those JetBlue people really know how to fly!

Outside, I immediately noticed that the New York heatwave seems not to have hit Chicago, but before I could freeze, there they were, Jane & Hot Guy, looking just like their pictures. We went to a pancake house where my blueberry compote was actually defrosted frozen blueberries, Jane’s apple pancakes were roughly equivalent to an Entenmann’s cake in size, and Hot Guy ordered everything on the menu that we didn’t. Then it was off to the mall, because, well, to me that’s exotic. In highly inefficient style we wandered aimlessly from area to area and probably covered the entire place 35 times. “Wait, I know we were in this area because I remember that shoe store across from that jewelry store.” It was like that. Luckily, Jane was on a mission to find boots and so I was allowed to sit down in all the shoe stores and contemplate what kind of bright idea it was to not sleep at all the night before. (Before you ask, she found some! Granny-bondage boots, that’s right.)

Here’s Jane, pre-boots, in Janeville. Yes, this is an actual store in the mall.









Later, we rejoined our chauffeur and had dinner at a microbrewery/dinner place where the waitress blamed her poor service on the fact that she had spent the night watching the entire season of 24 on DVD. I deducted 24% from her tip (no, not really, please no angry letters).

Then it was back to O’Hare (why, it seemed like I had just been there that morning!) for hugs and goodbyes. I can now reveal that Jane’s real talent is walking around in inhumanly high heels and Hot Guy’s is Simpsons quoting, something you know I value in a person. Once in the airport I walked three miles to find JetBlue’s one lonely gate. I guess it’s not really a known quantity there, as a woman in our waiting area said, “What is this? Is this a new airline or something?” Hey lady, they have a whole terminal in New York, so there. As if it weren’t late enough already, some people didn’t want to get on the plane because the Giants game being shown on the TV was tied. It seems not to have worked out too well for them. I, however, was asleep in my bed 20 hours after I had left. How I wish I were there right now.


Jane’s Addiction – Jane Says


Now you’re cooking with gas

Filed under : New York City
At 10:25 am
Comments : 4

I actually have something else to post about today but at the moment I have some breaking news. I’m living in a gas station. At first, I thought it was just me. My apartment smelled like gas but it occasionally does when the building next door is getting a delivery. Then the subway smelled like gas but I was half-asleep so didn’t think anything of it. Then my office smelled like gas and I figured I was just insane. But a co-worker tells me it’s the whole city! I don’t know whether to be freaked the fuck out or super-excited that I’m not as insane as I thought I was.

Jane just sent me this link:
Gas-like odor permeates Manhattan



Edited to add: Bloomy’s giving a press conference. I don’t mean to panic anyone but I’m pretty sure we’re all going to die.


Edited again to add: Welcome people visiting from blog-search-engines. I sure linked to the right article. Doesn’t J-Ball look pretty on one of these sites?