Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Could someone unpack my suitcase? Thanks

Filed under : Travel
On November 28, 2006
At 5:20 pm
Comments : 19

Hi, everyone, I’m home! What, I didn’t tell you I was going away? My bad. Anyway, remind me never to travel on the Tuesday evening before Thanksgiving again. I know, shouldn’t I have known that? But you see, I have the good fortune to have grown up in the NY area and so going home means never having to travel too far. Sure, there was college, but that was Amtrak time. I mean, taking an Amtrak train right before Thanksgiving is no picnic either, but at least you don’t have to enter or exit an actual airport.

The second I got to JFK I knew I had made a big mistake. The line was practically out the door. Somewhere along that line I realized I was in the wrong line. Fabulous! I mean, it wasn’t like it was labeled in any way and they all ran into each other towards the back. Whatever. There was this one guy who actually went from person to person with the same speech, “My plane is at 5pm [it was like 4:40], can I go ahead of you?” It was kind of fascinating to watch him snake his way around the miles of queue. But every person said yes. I mean, what’re you going to say? “Yeah, yeah, I saw the other hundred people said yes, but not me, buddy!”

And I think they’re redoing the Delta terminal at JFK because everything was shoved into a corner and it looked like the whole thing was a stage set for a TV show. The little belt behind the check-in people didn’t even function, you had to bring your bags over to this area where TSA guys took it from you and dropped in a heap. That inspired a lot of confidence in me that a. my plane wouldn’t blow up and b. that if it did in fact make it to my destination that my suitcase would not actually be on it. I’m not sure which of those things would have devastated me more but luckily, neither happened.

I know a lot has been written about the whole “no liquids on board” thing but the worst part (to me anyway) is that the pharmaceutical industry hasn’t had time to adapt. So saline solution for contact lenses comes in 4 oz. bottles (the limit is 3) and is sterile so it can’t be moved to another bottle. If you wear contacts and have ever had all the moisture sucked out of you by a jet airplane, you will understand why this is necessary. I always make sure my bottle is half full so I can have the following argument with the Homeland Security people. “I know the bottle says 4 ounces but it’s clear and you can see that it’s only half full so that makes it 2 ounces.” “But our regulations say 3 ounces.” “I realize that, but it’s visibly less than 3 ounces.” Sometimes I get away with it, sometimes I don’t. They’re never consistent.

But back to the Delta terminal. There were like no shops and no restaurants and I hadn’t eaten. Well, there was a Chinese place but nothing I could eat there and if you want to eat greasy airport Chinese food before a seven hour flight where you have a window seat, have at it. And I ended up early, miracle of miracles, but there was nowhere to shop! What’s up with that? Stupid Delta. Stupid JFK. Well, not the president, I understand he was pretty smart. Just the airport.

I wish all airports were like the one in this video, Wyclef Jean’s Gone Till November, which I think is one of the most beautiful videos ever made. And what the hey, it is November, isn’t it?

[youtube width=”425″ height=”344″][/youtube]


19 Comments for this post

  1. RN says:

    YaY! Becca’s back!

  2. Soxy says:

    I’m so happy you came back before I have to leave.

    And, I found saline in a 3oz bottle. Then I learned (from the tsa site) that you can bring as much saline & KY Jelly on board as you would like, as long as it gets cleared by security. Random, huh? Plus, you can only take 3 oz of deoderant, but, hey, go ahead, bring a corkscrew on board!

  3. donniesgirlme says:

    Ooooh, I love that song!

    Welcome back Becca!

  4. Becca says:

    Soxy, really? I couldn’t. But I just hate the way every security person has a different answer.

    And thanks! It’s good to be back.

  5. CSIGirl says:

    Yay, Becca’s back!!

  6. Alex says:

    “…you can bring as much saline & KY Jelly on board as you would like.” Oh, good. Now, there’s a combination, huh? The saline really perks the KY Jelly right up; otherwise, it’s so bland.

    But seriously, the little sample bottles they give away in the optical shop are less than 3 oz., aren’t they? That’s what I packed the last time I flew.

  7. Nikki809 says:

    Hurray you’re back! Hope you had a blast.

    I’m going through the same nonsense with lens solution (leaving tomorrow for business in TX). After much searching, I found an overpriced “travel pack” from Bauch & Lomb that includes both 2 oz and regular sized saline bottles. The 2 oz is refillable, so I plan to save it and use it on subsequent trips.

    Damn contact lens companies really dropped the ball.

  8. celia says:

    You can also get an eensy bottle of Clerz eyedrops. They are great.

  9. Jan says:

    We stood in the wrong line for over an hour when we were flying from Barcelona to Venice last year.

    I felt like an assass. And, of course, took it out on my husband.

    Welcome home!!

  10. Dah says:

    She’s home, and she wasnt the victim of a KY Jelly bomb! YaY! However, you never stated whether you got away with your saline argument this time around. I must say, I rather like it; it’s a lot like my WW Theory on Wine Points.

    Welcome back, baby.

  11. Cathy (suby) says:

    Can’t you just bring some kosher salt and mix it with tap water on the plane.

  12. sbmusky says:

    If I could figure out how to do it, I’d send pictures of my new GRANDSON. Guess I’ll have to bring him to NY when he’s ready for the Brooklyn and Long Island relatives.
    Welcome back from where you were.

  13. sbmusky says:

    Oh-and about that destination wedding thing….
    Got a *save the date* that read (paraphrasing)”Come to our wedding in Cabo San Lucas, where the room will cost only $395 for the cheap one and $615 a night for the next best”. Uh-huh.

  14. Becca says:

    I did get away with the saline argument….both ways! Although they were tougher overseas than here. I mean, aren’t we Americans the ones everyone wants to kill? What’s up with that?

    Alas, my delicate eyes will only accept Unisol which comes in 4oz. bottles. I should have mentioned that, I know.

    And look at all these fun people who haven’t commented in a while coming back! Thanks, everyone, I missed you too. No, really, believe me.

    Oh, and destination weddings blow, sorry Musky.

  15. Sarpon says:

    I weep with joy at your return! I weep with confusion at how I could have been unaware of your return for a day and a half as I’m almost certain that I’ve been popping in to magicjewball three or four times a day to gaze wistfully at baby becca in her solemn glory.

    Damn TSA secutiry. My Oxo foot scrub made it to Phoenix but not back to Florida. Again, I weep.

  16. KP says:

    I love that song but I don’t think I have ever seen the video. it is lovely.
    Funny, lately I feel like Dylan is sitting next to me too.
    Welcome back my friend.

  17. Becca says:

    Thanks, everyone. But, uh, my suitcase isn’t going to unpack itself. Let’s get cracking, people.

  18. MonkeyGirl says:

    JFK is like a third world country. Crap. I’m going there soon.

  19. Becca says:

    Oh, really. You know I live in New York, right?

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