Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Run like hell

Filed under : Sports
On November 5, 2006
At 3:30 pm
Comments : 13

Bear with me because this is the first post I’ve ever lost through computer crash/blue screen of death. I know, I should have been saving it all along the way but I tend not to do that. And annoying things suck way worse when there’s no one to blame but yourself. And your crap laptop. It didn’t used to be crap. Four years ago it was way cool but somewhere along the way it because old and crap and a new one just isn’t fitting into the budget this year.

But I digress. Onto the reconstruction.

Today is the New York City marathon. I know this because the tourists this week have looked exceptionally fit and wiry. I never actually go to the marathon, although I have twice in the past, once because someone I knew was running, and once because I had something that took me close to it. Each time, though, my reaction was the same. “Wow! That is really hard! Who the fuck would do this voluntarily?”

Now I don’t just say this because exercising makes me want to rip my head off and I define exercise in a way that’s far less taxing than a marathon. The two times I went to the marathon I was in the Columbus Circle area, which is the closest it gets to me and is the end of the race. By the time the runners get here, they look like they have been dead for the last ten miles or perhaps like it would be an incredibly merciful thing if you killed them. “Do it!” their bodies shout, “kill me now, for the love of Crikey.”

Yes, yes, it’s so rewarding, they’re so glad they did it, it was the finest moment of their lives. I know, because people who have done it have told me. But I still don’t really get how training forever to push yourself to the point of near death is something to aspire to. If you are a runner, sure, it’s the pinnacle of what you can reach. But I mean the others, the average Joes and Janes and Diddies, who feel like just moving their legs until those legs feel like they want to be amputated is the high point of their year. The best ones are the ones who say, “you should do it too!” Oh ahahahahahaha. I think not. It’s not that I believe I can’t do it, because I know I can’t do it. It’s just that I don’t get it, I really don’t.

My idea of a fantastic Sunday involves moving as little as possible with stops at the front door to get the Sunday Times (where I skip the part about the marathon – boring!) and at the coffeemaker. And usually, by the time I get to those places with the final terminus at the sofa, all the Kenyans would have already hit the tape on Marathon Sunday. Did I mention? I’m writing this at 3pm. In my pajamas.

And if I really want to have that feeling of “Wow! I can’t believe a human can do that!” well, people, that’s what the circus is for! Sure, you can’t hand cups of water to the tightrope-walkers and say, “Way to go…..Sally!” But, on the other hand, you also can’t yell, “Are you INSANE? This is what you wasted your year on?” OK, I only shouted that in my mind, but it was loud, I promise you.

Now if they gave out free laptops at the finish line, maybe I’d change my mind.


Pink Floyd – Run Like Hell


13 Comments for this post

  1. theslave says:

    I also find it baffling that anyone would want to do this.

    It is 5:30 pm and I’m still in my jammies too.

  2. Soxy says:

    This post is so motivational to my marthon training. I’m going to print it out and put it on my fridge.

    The timing of the NYC marathon makes so much more sense than Boston. Marathon in October means all summer and fall to train. Marathon in April means training in the dead of winter, and having the possibility of snow when you’re trying to trek through 26.2 miles. Ducky.

  3. kay says:

    My brother ran the NYC marathon about five years ago and we all went out for it. It was just too much fun (for us.) We hung out in Brooklyn, on a part of the route that was less jam-packed with people and watched everyone. We even saw my brother, somehow, and then we made our way back to Manhattanh to meet him at the finish line. It was completely cool, but you’d have to be crazy to ever actually want to *run* the thing.

  4. KP says:

    I am on Week 3 of the Couch to 5K. I’ll have a much more coherent response after I finish the damn thing (notice I said after, not if).

    P.S. Great song

  5. Becca says:

    I’m here for ya, Soxy.

    And I’m on the Couch to Fridge plan. It’s working great!

  6. KP says:

    I like the new iPod song! I used to love the Jam, another one of those bands I only knew thanks to my incessant MTV watching. I don’t think I ever heard them on the radio. Too bad.

  7. Alex says:

    Becca, I graduated from the Couch-to-Fridge plan. Now I’m doing the Couch-to-Bigger-Pants plan.

  8. Sarpon says:

    Remember what happened to the guy who ran the original marathon.

    No, he did not get a laptop at the finish line. For that matter, they didn’t even name the frigging race after him.

  9. Alex says:

    …and to this day, most people don’t even remember his name. They just call him “The Guy Who….”

  10. Becca says:

    He wasn’t even from Kenya!

  11. Emeraldmph says:

    I have little interest in training for running, but I could definitely get behind training for a long swimming race. I’m weird that way.

    I decided I would never run a marathon when my friend noted that “for the last half, it hurts more to walk than to run.” Any situation in which walking is more painful than other alternatives is questionable.

    “I had to do chin-ups, because lying down was less comfortable.” Riiiight.

  12. Shark says:

    I had a friend who ran a marathon our first year in law school. She made me promise to kill her if she mentioned running another marathon.

    Of course, she ran the marathon again the next year. I just couldn’t bring myself to actually kill her.

  13. Becca says:

    Did you try chasing her at least? They move pretty slowly for the most part.

Comments are closed.