Magic Jewball

Do you live in New York? Do you love me? Do you love money? Most importantly, do you have one extra Deftones ticket?

For personal reasons which cannot be explained, I am in desperate need of going to the show next week, 12/5 at the Nokia Theatre. No, none of my connections have come through. I will pay, well, not anything, but something. Something decent.

Yes, I’ve tried Craigslist and eBay. Yes, I will stand outside forlornly on the day of the show (it worked last time!). But in the meantime…..help!

Hi, everyone, I’m home! What, I didn’t tell you I was going away? My bad. Anyway, remind me never to travel on the Tuesday evening before Thanksgiving again. I know, shouldn’t I have known that? But you see, I have the good fortune to have grown up in the NY area and so going home means never having to travel too far. Sure, there was college, but that was Amtrak time. I mean, taking an Amtrak train right before Thanksgiving is no picnic either, but at least you don’t have to enter or exit an actual airport.

The second I got to JFK I knew I had made a big mistake. The line was practically out the door. Somewhere along that line I realized I was in the wrong line. Fabulous! I mean, it wasn’t like it was labeled in any way and they all ran into each other towards the back. Whatever. There was this one guy who actually went from person to person with the same speech, “My plane is at 5pm [it was like 4:40], can I go ahead of you?” It was kind of fascinating to watch him snake his way around the miles of queue. But every person said yes. I mean, what’re you going to say? “Yeah, yeah, I saw the other hundred people said yes, but not me, buddy!”

And I think they’re redoing the Delta terminal at JFK because everything was shoved into a corner and it looked like the whole thing was a stage set for a TV show. The little belt behind the check-in people didn’t even function, you had to bring your bags over to this area where TSA guys took it from you and dropped in a heap. That inspired a lot of confidence in me that a. my plane wouldn’t blow up and b. that if it did in fact make it to my destination that my suitcase would not actually be on it. I’m not sure which of those things would have devastated me more but luckily, neither happened.

I know a lot has been written about the whole “no liquids on board” thing but the worst part (to me anyway) is that the pharmaceutical industry hasn’t had time to adapt. So saline solution for contact lenses comes in 4 oz. bottles (the limit is 3) and is sterile so it can’t be moved to another bottle. If you wear contacts and have ever had all the moisture sucked out of you by a jet airplane, you will understand why this is necessary. I always make sure my bottle is half full so I can have the following argument with the Homeland Security people. “I know the bottle says 4 ounces but it’s clear and you can see that it’s only half full so that makes it 2 ounces.” “But our regulations say 3 ounces.” “I realize that, but it’s visibly less than 3 ounces.” Sometimes I get away with it, sometimes I don’t. They’re never consistent.

But back to the Delta terminal. There were like no shops and no restaurants and I hadn’t eaten. Well, there was a Chinese place but nothing I could eat there and if you want to eat greasy airport Chinese food before a seven hour flight where you have a window seat, have at it. And I ended up early, miracle of miracles, but there was nowhere to shop! What’s up with that? Stupid Delta. Stupid JFK. Well, not the president, I understand he was pretty smart. Just the airport.

I wish all airports were like the one in this video, Wyclef Jean’s Gone Till November, which I think is one of the most beautiful videos ever made. And what the hey, it is November, isn’t it?

[youtube width=”425″ height=”344″]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI6MWZrl8v8[/youtube]

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and believe me, I know from holidays. It’s just that Thanksgiving was the one celebration where I was like everyone else and commercials and advertisements and sale flyers were actually addressing me and my day. And the fact that I and the goyim were all eating turkey and pie at the same time pleased me immensely.

I did grow up with the traditional Thanksgiving (ours started with Psalm 100, though*) and we even occasionally went around the table to say what we were thankful for. I always hated that and yet, I’m going to do it here. Right now. Could anything be more cheesy? Don’t answer that, please.

So, here’s what I’m thankful for, in no particular order:

1. Five years in the same apartment – man, I hate moving.

2. Statcounter – how else would I know who you people are?

3. No transit strike this year – way to go, overpaid public servants!

4. New Deftones album – it’s about time. Pay attention Neil Finn and Interpol.

5. Continued existence of the music business – needed to pay for #1.

6. Loved ones, especially new additions to the list. I’d name them but that’s so McCarthyesque.

7. Trader Joe’s – just need you to come north a bit, thanks.

8. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I love you, Blackberry!

9. The readers of this blog – you’re all readers of the month! Well, no, not really, but I do appreciate you more than you know.

10. After reading how much I love you in #9 (number nine, number nine…OK, the Beatles fans get it), I’m thankful that you’ll understand that I’m taking the holiday off from blogging and will return next week.

Happy Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown!

 

*I’m sure my family will correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it was 100.

 

Well, the song here was supposed to be Alice’s Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie from which the title derives, but Napster either doesn’t have it or doesn’t want to show it to me. I’m so not thankful for that.

In return for putting up with the same page for days (bad blogger, bad!) you get two ROTM posts in a row! Wow, I’ve impressed even myself, not that it’s all that hard. But you see, rolling into town this week was our previous Reader of the Month (that was October for the calendarically challenged) and you know what that means – meal time!

Yes, that’s because RNerd and her husband, Mr. Nerdy (actually their names differ by only one letter, how sweet is that?) visited from Tulsa, OK, as usual, not to see me but because they got a free vacation. Which is coincidental, because if I got a free vacation, I’d spend it in Tulsa. No, I kid, I don’t think they actually got to choose.

Anyway, if you’ve been reading J-Ball faithfully, you’ll know that I took them to the glorious Time Warner Center, although, to be fair, their plush free hotel was on Central Park South, just near said TW Center. Once there I regaled them with stories about hideous, miniscule supermarkets and they told me they have two Super Wal-Marts and a Super Target in their immediate vicinity. I’m not sure anything in NYC is called “Super” unless you’re talking about real estate prices.

But the Nerds were extraordinarily nice and interesting and despite the teeny-tiny portions that were served at the Bouchon Bakery, they insisted on paying the entire Super bill. Wow! Thanks Sooner Family!

Start saving now, Baby Owen, I’m going to take you to Masa.

 

Rodgers & Hammerstein – Oklahoma!

All of my ROTM’s have been unique and distinct from each other but yet, maybe it’s time for something a little different. Something to break the monotony of all those…adults. I’ve always said this was a family blog and as though to back up my words, our ROTM for November doesn’t stop his new Mom from reading and commenting on J-Ball (although, she now does so at obscenely early hours), and as you know, these two activities are the very definition of ROTMititude. So it’s time to give him the credit he so richly deserves.

Yes, it’s adorable Baby Owen, son of Jan. Now, Jan never wanted to be ROTM but since we’re highlighting her progeny, I should say that Jan titled the plethora of photos she sent me with way more brilliant names than I could ever come up with, so I’m going to keep all of them. This one is called Binkie Face. Indeed.

This one, for instance, is called Smushyface1. That’s because it’s from the Smushyface series. It was a tough job choosing, but I think this one is stellar.

Anyway, more about Baby Owen. I haven’t met Owen yet, but I understand his favorite activities include eating all the time (just like Mom!), burping & throwing up (especially at Mommy & Me class), and peeing all over Mom & Dad during diaper changes. Mom & Dad are working on this issue and hope to have it resolved before Owen turns ten.

This picture speaks for itself, doesn’t it? I really thought of calling Children’s Services on the Jan Family after I saw this. The torture of putting a poor innocent child in this get-up!

To be fair, there was another picture where Baby Owen looks perfectly content in the same outfit, but you know, that’s for some other blog.

Lastly but not leastly, I think this is the kind of thing that made me phobic of dogs, personally. Oh, I kid, Bailey loves his new brother! Jan called this photo, “What is this thing?” I think that’s what the dog was thinking just before he inhaled Baby Owen.

Anyway, congrats Baby Owen, your cuteness was just too good not to share. And thanks for letting Jan keep on reading the J-Ball. You rule! Check back with me when you’re eating solid foods about that whole meal with Becca thing.

I kid you not, Jan says Baby Owen’s favorite song is:

Justin Timberlake – SexyBack