Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Last tennis post, I SWEAR

Filed under : Tennis
On September 4, 2006
At 11:45 pm
Comments : 20

But I’m way too tired to do Jew&A justice and I can’t just not post. That’s for other, more slackery bloggers. It’s been a tremendous few days of tennis and it’ll go on via TV, which is of course not the same, but hey, watching 14 days of tennis live would probably kill me even if I had the money and vacation days. You should see my sunburn! No, actually, you shouldn’t. Medic!

So, to wrap up, Nalbandian lost in a fifth-set tiebreak heartbreaker in which a shot your dog could make did not clear the net. Clearly MY MIND was elsewhere, it’s really my fault. If you saw me crying in Louis Armstrong Stadium, I simply had sunscreen in my eye. Speaking of crying, during that match, some guy named Agassi was busy losing/retiring on the next court. Something happened which I’ve never seen before which was, when the score that showed Agassi losing the match showed on the screen everyone in my stadium (remember, we’re a whole other match) gasped and then stood up and started clapping, giving Agassi a standing O he wasn’t even there to see. Even the CBS announcers up in the booth were clapping. It was an amazing moment about which I actually have no jokes. Sue me.

Then our match went on. Badly. Now let’s never speak of it again.

While I’ve been out I’ve had a sea change in my Google searches. Now I have a lot of “Is Roger Federer Jewish?” and “Is David Nalbandian Jewish?” and the most bizarre one, “Did Andy Roddick have a Bar Mitzvah?” Oh puh-leeze.

If you’re Jewish and you’d like to get behind a tennis player you can take haimishe pride in, why not go with Shahar Peer? Shahar Peer is Jewish and Israeli and before getting eaten alive by Justine Henin-Hardenne on the main court today, she did a fabulous job making it to the Round of Sixteen. Nothing will make you feel that Jews are maybe a little athletic than waving an Israeli flag at her match and yelling “kadimah, Shahar!” Of course, I let the rest of my family handle the flag; I’m not really a flag-waver.

Anyway, it’s been a fun week, at least for me. And if I ever get the chant, “Chi, chi, chi, le, le, le, viva Chile!” out of my head, I’m sure I’ll even be sane again.

Oh, special props to the folks behind me at the Shahar Peer match who had this comment about Francesca Schiavone: “I’m just disappointed she’s so ugly.” Indeed. And now I’ll go back to watching Richard Gasquet try to take a stand against Whitey McRacist. Allez!


Jack Johnson – Crying Shame


20 Comments for this post

  1. kay says:

    How come no mention of James Blake? He’s HOT.

  2. Alex says:

    I actually like the tennis posts, Becca, but I will admit that I’m getting antsy for the promised Jew & A.

    Tell you what. If you’re too tired, forward the questions to me, and I’ll write a first draft. I’ll send that back to you, and then all you’ll have to do is correct the misinformation and make it amusing. Won’t that be easier?

  3. Becca says:

    Kay, I mentioned him in shorthand. You see, Lleyton Hewitt is referred to (by me) as Whitey McRacist because of comments he made at a match with James Blake in 2002 which I was lucky enough to witness, otherwise I might not have believed that it actually happened. James Blake was extremely classy. And hot.

    Alex, that’s an extremely generous offer. I’m going to have to decline, however, since you’re probably still high from your weekend festivities.

  4. kay says:

    Oooh, I like Alex’s idea!

    Thank you for clearing up the James Blake thing. He is FAR too hot not to mention.

    I need contact info for whoever is in charge around here. I’d like to lodge a complaint re: Reader of the Month bias. Thank you. :b

  5. Becca says:

    My rules are completely fair. Completely!

    But you can always write to It’s fake, but it’ll make you feel better.

  6. Alfa says:

    In Schiavone’s defense, she’s slightly more feminine looking than Amelie “The Man” Mauresmo.

  7. Vicki, Florida says:

    Bec, love your tennis posts. I get to live vicariously through you, with them. Did you get hives being that close to Shea Stadium? No? I guess I will have to turn up the mojo for next time. Oh I kid, I kid.

    Glad that you had a great time. I am going to try and come up next year. I conveniently have and Aunt in Flushing.

  8. Becca says:

    Alfa, this is true, but I believe I went over my allotted amount of Mauresmo jokes in the “blah blah tennis” post. Otherwise I’d add a few more here. But at one point, I swear I saw Schiavone say over the net, “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too.”

    Thanks, Vicki! Actually the worse problem was the noise from the contruction of the new stadium. Couldn’t they stop that for a couple of weeks? Yeah, you’re in first place in the league and you think you can do anything. Jeez.

    And good for you! Look for my “I’m selling my extra tickets on Craigslist” post in about 11 months.

  9. kay says:

    Great, now I need another address so I can send a complaint about the fake complaint address.

  10. Jane says:

    So the tennis player character on The L Word – is she even remotely close to accurate? Or is she way hotter than real tennis players?

  11. Vicki, Florida says:

    I know, Bec, how thoughtless of us, especially when you had the planes diverted and everything.

    Hopefully we will still be in touch next year, and I can be first on the list to buy!

  12. KP says:

    Just stopping by to give Roger Federererer his props and to agree with Kay on the whole James Blake = HOT dealio. I will admit that I am not watching any of these guys unless they are hot. My time is too valuable these days between filling out papers for school, laundry and my own children’s sports, at which there is not a hot coach or other adult to be found ( unless you count Mr. KP on the sidelines).

  13. brother2 says:

    Thanks for the promos, J-Ball. You did forget to mention my quest to go a whole day at the US Open watching only matches that had a player named “Anna.” This ended at 3:30 PM when it was ruled that I couldn’t count “Mart-ana Hingis.” Looking ahead to next year, I’m planning to go the whole day seeing only matches that have a player named “Elena.” Alternatively, I’m going to try limit myself to matches that have at least one Russian teen with a blond ponytail (most of whom are named Anna or Elena).

    Note to other readers: It’s not easy going to US Open with J-Ball. The Paparazzi hound her all day.

  14. kay says:

    Yay! Brother2 is here! I feel like I’m meeting someone famous.

  15. Becca says:

    Jane, I don’t actually watch the L Word so I don’t know. Isn’t The View the same thing? Except I don’t watch that either.

    Vicki, I know that Brother2 will be excited to hear we already have a sale lined up for next year. And yes! Now that Giuliani’s out, the planes are diverted again.

    KP, except for Radek Stepanek, they all seem to fall into that category. It’s another thing they teach at the tennis academy, how to be hot.

    Look, it’s Brother2! Apologies all around, I forgot the “All Anna” segment I meant to add to the post. It’s hard when you’re working on material all day in the stands on Court 10. And yes, that blond ponytail thing is going to be awfully limiting.

    Hey, at least I didn’t wear my, “Kiss Me, I’m Magic Jewball” t-shirt.

    Kay, he is, really, especially if your dog has ever bitten anyone.

  16. Jane says:

    The L Word is about lesbians. I don’t know what The View is about because I don’t watch it because the lesbians take up all of my free TV time.

    ~ Complete and total subject change, I swear ~

    So when will we be able to buy the “I Kissed the Magic Jewball” shirts?

  17. kay says:

    I thought you said yer dewg did not bite!

    Jane, happy Project Runway Wednesday!

  18. Becca says:

    Oh, that was just a subtle Rosie O’Donnell joke, Jane.

    Subject change, ha! Hm, that’s a swell fund-raising idea. And I could use the funds.

    Kay, I’m sure that’s referencing something and yet I have no idea what it is.

  19. Celia says:

    Pink Panther.
    The correct response is, “Zat eez not my dewg.”

  20. Becca says:

    Sank yoo!

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