Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Blah blah blah tennis blah blah

Filed under : Sports,Tennis
On September 1, 2006
At 12:50 am
Comments : 19

People think I don’t understand how Red Sox fans feel. That feeling of just expecting your team to lose, the numbing inevatibility, the knowledge that they will choke somehow, some way, that in the end your heart will be broken. But, you see, I do. For I am a Mardy Fish fan. Mardy Fish is a tennis player. A tennis player I chose to like. A tennis player WHO HAS NO IDEA HOW TO WIN. Even if he’s ahead, he’ll choke somewhere. And if he’s behind, forget it, it’s over. He was sick that day at the tennis academy when they taught the word “comeback.” He tries fancy shots and they fall flat. He rallies and then falls apart. He gives “sleeps with the fishes” a new meaning.

Why on earth am I a Mardy Fish fan? Oh yeah, he’s hot. I’m just shallow like that. Come on, you guys have Maria Sharapova and I just know you all support her for her sweet, sweet tennis skills.

OK, moving right along, some pictorial follow-up to my US Open guide. Remember I said the food was a little dear? Here you go, witness your $16.50 hamburger and the $18.50 deli sandwich. Yay!

Can’t see it? Click to enlarge.

And then remember my tip about using the back staircase to enter Armstrong and climb down from the top? No? For shame! Because I did that today, so I could get in to see Amelie “She’s A Man, Baybee!” Mauresmo and Meghann Shaughnessy without waiting. Here’s the view from the top. Hey, is that my nose bleeding?

But as I mentioned, the highest seat in Armstrong is way closer to the action than any seats you and I can afford over there in Arthur Ashe Behemoth Stadium. In this view you can see Ashe hulking over Armstrong.

Anyway, this was all after I split off from my father and Brothers 1 and 2. They wanted to see women’s tennis whereas I wanted to see Amelie Mauresmo. Rimshot! But, while I was with them, Brother2 kept me pretty entertained.

Russian guy calls out a long statement in Russian during Demetieva match.
Brother2:You just don’t hear good tennis commentary like that these days.

Me: Maybe (Israeli) Shahar Pe’er won because of her tough army training
Brother2: Are you kidding? She probably manned the telephone desk. “Shalom, Israel Defense Force, how may I help you?”

Scores flash by for the Peschke/Schiavone-Arvidsson/Muller doubles match.
Brother2: Slow down, I have money on that match!

Maybe you had to be there. Anyway, unless something spectacular happens, this’ll be my last tennis post because I know I’m boring the hell out of 95% of you. I’m full up on Jew&A questions now so maybe that will be next. Advantage, JBall readers! In the meantime, don’t forget to watch David Nalbandian Friday night in the Big TV Night Match on the USA Network. He needs you to help him win WITH YOUR MINDS.

Neil Finn – Rest Of the Day Off


19 Comments for this post

  1. Alfa says:

    No way. Someone other than Andre Agassi is playing at the Open?

    (and yeah, Mardy’s a loser)

  2. Sarpon says:

    I’m afraid that if I try to help your guy win WITH MY MIND, when he starts to fade in the middle of his match someone will come out from the sideline, speak to him earnestly, motion to a corner and another player will be driven in in a golf cart shaped like a tennis ball to take his place.

    I haven’t watched a whole lotta tennis but as I recall, that sort of thing is frowned upon.

  3. Becca says:

    Alfa, hopefully by the end Agassi will be the only player in the Open. I’m even willing to let Nalbandian lose to him. Am I generous or what!

    Sarpon, you just have to use YOUR MIND more powerfully.

  4. Alfa says:

    Could we use OUR MINDS to convince Rafael Nadal to strip nekkid on court, preferably during a televised match?

  5. KP says:

    Mardy is hot, but I am still rooting for Agassi.
    Glad you are having so much fun.

  6. Pious B says:

    Buenas Dias! Are you going to any matches on Sunday? The parentals will be at (I think) a men´s match at AA Stadium. Or you can look for me at the Boca Juniors futbol game which will be televised on American TV. ¡Ole! (I love this keyboard).

  7. Becca says:

    Alfa, I’d settle for having him stop picking his capri wedgie out of his ass.

    KP, thanks!

    Pi! Good to hear from you. Hey, if you see a Nalbandian t-shirt, please remember who your favorite cousin is. And then get me one anyway.

  8. kay says:

    A question for the next Jew&A: What kind of name is MARDY FISH???

  9. Becca says:

    Mardy Fish isn’t Jewish so I’ll answer it right here. I have no idea. But Brother2 thinks it’s short for Marmaduke. He even called out, “Come on, Marmaduke!” at the match. You can see how well that worked.

    In other news, Nalby got rained out Friday night and will now need you to help him tomorrow at 11am WITH YOUR MINDS. Especially you, Pious B., since you’re in Buenos Aires. I’ll be at Louis Armstrong Stadium helping him with mine. This time I’m definitely finding the Argentineans.

    And in the meantime, there’s a new iPod song of the week.


    Tennis while fun and interesting, we are sorry to say that being a tennis fan of any sort is nothing like being a Red Sox fan.

    thanks for the thought:

    donnie and sally

  11. Becca says:

    I must admit, I do thank God every day for making sure I was born a Yankees fan. Thank you, Lord! I love you too!

  12. Alex says:

    Oh, Becca. I am sorry about that David Nalbandian heartbreaker. (The match, I mean…though I’m sure if I swung that way, I’d think David Nalbandian himself was a heartbreaker, too.)

    Perhaps your fatal error was mentioning the Red Sox and Nalby in the same post. I mean, if you have us helping him with OUR MINDS, he’s only going to win a championship once every 86 years!

    (Though, honestly, I was a little preoccupied this weekend anyway, and I’m afraid I wasn’t totally focused on the US Open.)

  13. Well being born a Yankee fan these days are kinda like being a Red Sox fan these days. We don’t mind Yankees anymore…just don’t like winners.

    Take care and GO YOU RED SOX!

    donnie and sally

  14. Becca says:

    Why, Alex, I cannot believe you did not take out from your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah to help Nalby with YOUR MIND. But I appreciate the kind thoughts. Next time. And by next time, I don’t mean in 86 years.

    D&S, the Yankees seem to be in first place by quite a bit, last time I checked. But it’s irrelevant. As Alex and Soxy and Jan and all my other Sox fan readers will tell you, Red Sox fans are amongst my very best friends and I’m just not into these sort of quibbles.

  15. Alex says:

    That’s very true about Becca. It was she who taught me that gloating (especially in sports, but also gloating in general) is never flattering to the gloater.

    Indeed, I’m not completely sure about this, but I believe gloating can make your butt look big in those pants.

  16. Becca says:

    That’s why I don’t do it, Alex.

  17. Alex says:

    Shoot, Becca, I thought it was because your soul is pure.

  18. Becca says:

    Um, right, that too.

  19. Well fair enough. We like people who like Yankees, just don’t like Yank Fans.

    But we like you too.

    One love

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