Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Look out, she’s gonna blow!

Filed under : Life in general
On August 27, 2006
At 11:35 pm
Comments : 14

homer donutI never really got the whole competitive eating thing, not only does it look horrifically disgusting, but it’s kind of grotesque in a world where so many people are starving. However, I just realized that I spent my entire weekend doing that. Yes, it was a Becca Family Bar Mitzvah.

Let me digress for a moment and say that I think of my blog as sort of like Law & Order. The thing I always liked about that show, besides foxy Chris Noth, is that you never saw the principal characters’ home lives and it only snuck in when it was apropos of a storyline or a good joke. Sure, you knew Briscoe had been married a bunch of times and had a daughter who had a drug problem and then died, but you never really saw much of that. It was just the case of the week and that’s it. So that’s how I see J-Ball, nothing terribly personal, just as far as it fits into the post of the day.

Anyway, since I haven’t done much of anything this weekend besides shmooze with my family and eat copious amounts of food, it’s really hard to keep that all out of this thing. And I especially need to since one of the only members of my family who is allowed to read Magic J is the sister of the Bar Mitzvah boy. But she’s in Argentina for the week, so let’s sneak this in. So, this is what my family does because I have 146 cousins who I am in contact with. We all go away to a hotel for a weekend of gossip and piehole-stuffing. If it gives you an idea of how much food was involved in this weekend’s festivities, the napkins at the Saturday night event had this message, “are you still eating?!” Indeed. Between the four meals a day there was an open tearoom, and here “tea” meant a panini table and “fill your own bag of candy” bar with 85 kinds of candy. It was kind of like a cruise without the water.

But it’s kind of a rude shock to come home from a hotel with marshmallow soft bedding and meals that contain frites bars and make your own sundaes to your own pigsty of an apartment where you are required to cook your own food from a refrigerator that contains condiments and spoiled milk. Luckily there’s another Bar Mitzvah in two weeks. Bring on the elastic waist pants!

PS, the Bar Mitzvah boy did great. Now I’m off to hurl.

Mary J. Blige – Family Affair


14 Comments for this post

  1. KP says:

    Hey! I came home to spoiled milk in my fridge too! Boy are the kids going to be pissed in the morning when there is no snap, crackle or pop.

    P.S. You had me at Chris Noth…rrrrowl. Glad the weekend was fun.

  2. Pious B says:

    Definitely my favorite post by far! I hope Continental doesn’t charge me overweight fees for my petit-four-stuffed-fettucine-alfredo-eating-cheesecake-popping behind today.

  3. Becca says:

    It doesn’t matter when your milk is dated. If you go away for two or more days it’s always spoiled when you come back, I don’t know why that is.

    Pi! I’m so glad you caught the post before you left to visit the Nalbandian family. I hope I did your family’s fine affair justice. Oh and hey, I didn’t get any cheesecake! Man.

  4. Jan says:

    I’m converting.

  5. Sarpon says:

    ‘s OK Becca. You’ll work it all off this week watching all that exercise at the Open.

  6. cece59 says:

    A “fill your own bag” candy bar? I weep with desire. Can I come to your next Bar Mitzvah?

  7. Becca says:

    Jan, you also have to marry into my family, unfortunately.

    Sarpon, I like the way you think.

    Cece, it was as good as it sounds! See the part about marrying into my family. Don’t worry, we have plenty of openings.

  8. cece59 says:

    Hmmm – marriage of 21 years versus candy bar. What to do, what to do.

  9. KP says:

    Maybe it has to do with the milk being stationary for a few days.
    Maybe I should hire someone to rotate my milk jug next time I go out of town….or next time Mr. Kp goes out of town perhaps??

  10. donniesgirlme says:

    LOL @ Kp

  11. donniesgirlme says:

    I got so sidetracked by Kp and her rotating milk jugs that I forgot to mention I’d like to sign up for marriage into the family too. I’m sure Donnie won’t mind – he likes chocolate. *sigh* I’m always willing to take one for the team!

  12. Becca says:

    Yes, you should really see KP rotate her milk jugs. It’s truly something to behold.

  13. KP says:

    Does everything I post on here always come back to being about my rack?

  14. Becca says:

    Yes. Melon anyone?

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