Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Search and ye shall find

Filed under : Meta/Blognews
On August 22, 2006
At 11:35 pm
Comments : 13

It’s been in the news lately that AOL released search engine data on thousands of users without identifying them. Great idea! I think I’ll do the same for the purposes of your amusement, only, since everyone who found me via Google was clearly searching for answers, I thought I would give some.  

To the people who found me via:
Is Dave Gahan Jewish?
Is Boy George Jewish?
Is Jason Varitek Jewish (several times!)
Is Roger Federer Jewish?

Hell if I know. Wait, I have a question for you. Several in fact. Just why do you want to know? Are you an adolescent wondering about the religion of your favorite stars? Are you a researcher who is oh-so-curious? Or are you just an anti-Semite wondering who to hate today? Maybe there’s a Jewgle out there for you, because I certainly can’t help.

To the person who found me via “snappy answers to stupid tourist questions,” that’s a fine idea. Maybe at some later date.

To the “i love cvs” person, are you on crack?

To “famous people who live in trailers,” come ON. I know your life is fuller than this.

To “famous people with little or no clothing,” man, must you have been disappointed.

To “u2 rip off ian curtis,” I think not. Come back, let’s discuss this like rational humans before I pummel you.

To “want to listen to front 242 god spoke,” me too but I don’t think there is such a song. Try Headhunter, it rules. Wait, are you missing a comma? Is it, “Want to listen to Front 242, God spoke.” Wow, divine. I would suggest God also try Headhunter

To “what is the name of the headpiece of a jew?” Kipa or yarmulka. You’re welcome.

To “aramaic thesaurus,” yeah, no.

To “video photo soxy,” Video? Listen, don’t I post enough about her? Jeez. And to “soxy hot now,” yes, yes she is. Glad you noticed. As for “live hot soxy sexy” in Saudia Arabia, let’s not even go there.

To “prostitution and fayetteville” and “norcross ga prostitution,” you guys should totally meet.

To “what a jewish person says to bless you after a sneeze,” you really should write into Jew&A. I do it just for people like you.

To “i saw the news today oh boy beatles song,” A Day in the Life. No problem, anytime.

To “Dale and Thomas Popcorn Musicland,” is there some merger I haven’t heard about?

To “schaefer beer mets,” wha?

To “matisyahu fake jamaican,” oh, I think we’d be great friends.

Well, that’s it. For now. If I find out about any famous people who turn out to be Jewish or live in trailer parks I’ll post some nude photos. Hey, I live to serve.


U2 – I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For


13 Comments for this post

  1. Jan says:

    “Jewgle” slayed me.

  2. KP says:

    But did anyone Google Roger Federererer?

  3. Sarpon says:

    Oh, absolutely you must start up “Jewgle.”

    I can help you on the Schaefer query. Some poor soul couldn’t remember the word to the Schaefer beer jingle which ran eleventy-six bajillion times during every Mets game I ever watched on WOR. I think I quoted it in one of my paeans to the Mets disguised as a comment here.

  4. Becca says:

    I think I’ll leave Jewgle to Sergey and Larry. Hm, I wonder how I had no idea about that whole Shaefer thing.

    KP, I think you’re the only one.

  5. Celia says:

    My new game will be trying to reverse-engineer from the text of your blog the most bizarre google query that will lead me back here.

  6. Culotte says:

    Jewgle. You need to market that. (Would I be Cugel? As in, the tasty Jewish egg noodle recipe?)

    I love looking at those stats, by the way. Easily my favorites.

  7. Celia says:

    Hm, this game is harder than I expected it to be. Whoever found you through some of those searches must be more patient than I am in slogging through the pages of results. For example, “can you get a kosher hot dog at the US Open qualifying rounds?” which I thought would surely get me pointed back here, did not, at least not in the first 7 pages. Even “can you get a MAGIC kosher hot dog…” didn’t. And when I tried “Is Boy George Jewish?” I also did not find this site…again, at least not on the first 7 pages.

  8. Becca says:

    And yet “Varitek Jewish” brings me up first. Scary.

    But hey, with “‘reader of the month’ celia” I’m on the first page.

    Now I’m sure I have something more useful to do. I just can’t think of what it is right now.

  9. Soxy says:

    Maybe Jason Varitek will find me through the Jewball. Next time I’m at Fenway I’ll hold up a sign that says “Google Varitek Jewish”

  10. Alex says:

    But don’t bother Googling “David Nalbandian Jewish prostitution.” I tried it. Google finds an alarming number of web pages, but none of them is J’ball.

  11. Becca says:

    Soxy, I might actually pay you to do that. Think of the increase in JBall readers!

    I can’t believe you made me Google that, Alex. Actually, my old blog comes in #2. But I still feel dirty.

  12. Alex says:

    Hmm, I didn’t notice J’ball last time I Googled “David Nalbandian Jewish prostitution,” but it surely is #2 this time.

    Sorry I misled you, but actually thrilled that I got you to Google that. It means my superhero mind-control powers are developing nicely. Now, to get to work on flying and invisibility….

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