Magic Jewball

Well, once again, I had a hard time choosing. I can see already that this is going to become a cliché. But I did lie awake nights thinking about it. OK, I was awake for other reasons, but hey, once you can’t sleep, why not think about who is going to be Reader of the Month?

But so all day I’d obsessively watch my stalker stats and you all would be kind enough to visit on your company’s time. Yes, your boss would be calling or you’d have a patient on the table but it all bored you and you came here. Then I’d go home and it would trickle off. But one place showed up like a nagging itch each and every night. It was Cambridge, Mass. I knew it couldn’t be Curt Schilling because he’s so busy washing his socks and stumping for the Republicans. No, I knew the person reading my blog on her own time had to be Soxfan. Don’t know Soxfan? Here’s a picture of her relaxing in her living room.

Lot of green in there, Sox. You might think about redecorating. Anyway.So, because we have established that everything’s more fun in list form, let’s list all of the reasons Soxy (can I call you Soxy? Thanks.) is the ultimate J-Ball reader (well, this month, at least – I’m fickle).

1. First off (that was implied by the #1, how redundant of me), despite the fact that Soxy started her extraordinary blog-reading career by leaving lots of snickery “Randy Johnson is sure earning those millions, snortle, snortle” type comments, she sold her soul to be Reader of the Month and stopped trying to figure out how to get her “Yankees suck” digs into html brackets. Why? To be famous on the Internets, of course! I love that in a reader.

2. Even though she’s incredibly busy planning her wedding to Jason Varitek (I think that’s her fiancé, I’m not too clear), Soxy still finds the time to check out J-Ball, even tearing herself away from giggling with the girls at theknot.com, to have several look-sees a night. Here’s a picture of Soxy tasting possible hors d’oeuvres for the big day.

Nice. I would have gone with the hot dogs in the blankets, though.

3. Most importantly, Soxy left lots of subtle hints like, “I just want to be Reader of the Month,” and “It’s always been my ambition to be Reader of the Month,” and “Am I Reader of the Month yet?” At some point, I got the message. Plus, it was so timely what with That Other Team visiting Yankee Stadium, the Home of the Brave and All Things Good for practically a whole week! It just seemed so appropriate. I believe Soxy had MLB set the schedule up this way for just this purpose.

See, even though Soxy seems so cute and little and adorable, she can be scary when things aren’t going her way. I have proof!

I know what you’re thinking. Me too. Jason Varitek does look a lot different without the mask.

So, I’m a little worried now that the fact that Soxy has achieved her goal in life added to the recent development of me turning off comment moderation will be a recipe for disaster. But I have faith that Soxy isn’t the type that does things just for tangible rewards. I mean, what kind of person would do that?

Yes, that’s a chin-scratcher. But I’ve promised Soxy that she can claim (and pay for) her Reader of the Month dinner at the finest restaurant in the Bronx, Yankee Stadium. I mean, do they have a Kosher hot dog stand at Fenway? Come on.

But while I know we’re all sorry to see Steph dethroned, I just heard that A-Rod was made Player of the Month for May. Now Steph and A-Rod will have something to talk about the next time they see each other! So let’s congratulate Soxy on her achievement as well as on her upcoming nuptials. I know I for one will be thrilled when babies with names like Trot and Coco arrive on the scene.

As if Soxy and I weren’t simpatico enough, the song I was going to choose for her was the one she actually chose for herself. Damn Yay!

The Standells – Dirty Water

But that’s OK. Here’s a good one too. They didn’t have the War original but this one’s decent.

Smash Mouth – Why Can’t We Be Friends

Oh, and by the way, skip the comments making the requisite today’s date and evil empire connection. I am WAY ahead of you. Plus, in Judaism we don’t have a 666 thing. So there!