Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Manhattan Solstice

Filed under : America,Music,New York City
On May 29, 2006
At 7:57 pm
Comments : 22

Happy Memorial Day!

Yeah, that didn’t look right to me either. See, even though everyone enjoys themselves on this day, we all know that underpinning our barbecues and beach parties are lots and lots of dead people. It’s kind of like that scene in Poltergeist when Craig T. Nelson realizes his house is built on a cemetery. It sure made swimming a lot less fun. But is it our fault that we Americans are so overworked that we will seize on any excuse to make merry and relax just a bit?

It’s OK, though, you’re in luck! I have found the solution to this problem. It’s a variation on that game where you add “and then we all ended up naked” to the end of your story, or when you add “in bed” to the end of your cookie fortune. In this game, you add “because soldiers died for us” to your fun filled Memorial Day sentences. Here are some examples from my own life:

I bought a new DVD player for $25 because soldiers died for us.
The whole city was empty and walking the streets was relaxing, because soldiers died for us.
I watched half-naked hot guys cycling in the park because soldiers died for us.

Yes, I felt a lot less guilty once I interjected them into every thought.

Speaking of memories, I’m sure you’ve all lain awake nights wondering if I have always had this bizarre sense of humor and if so, had I been inflicting it on others since childhood. The answer is yes! When cleaning out my childhood bedroom (you have to do it some time) I found the following undated letter:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I’m sorry that I can’t give you my tooth but when I was in Cherry Hill Hotel, that’s in New Jersey you know, I was eating challah and my tooth came out and I didn’t know it so I threw it out. I know that sounds kind of strange but it’s true so please give me a quarter anyway.

Thank you,

PS, please excuse my bad handwriting.

Yeah, I haven’t changed much. And yeah, the tooth fairy was cheap. Good times, good times.

But anyway, back to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that Circuit City could have a blowout sale. Here are some songs about soldiers and war. Would it be crass to say that Vietnam inspired the best music both during and after? As much as I enjoy the Andrews Sisters, we all know it’s true. Even through the 90’s, people wrote good music about Vietnam.

Creedence Clearwater Revival – Fortunate Son

The Doors – Peace Frog

The Clash – Straight To Hell

REM – Orange Crush

Alice In Chains – Rooster

Oh, but special props to this song which came out during the first Gulf war but is just as appropriate to our current conflict.
The The – Armageddon Days (Are Here Again)

But on a happier note, this is a better picture (it comes from the NY Times) than the ones I took of the “Manhattan Solstice” a phenomenon that will happen twice this year, where for 15 minutes the sunset is perfectly aligned with the Manhattan cross streets. Take my word for it, it was even better in real life. The glow was awesome. Sometimes summer in the city is just beautiful.


22 Comments for this post

  1. Soxy says:

    No “Good Night Saigon” by Billy Joel??? Its a classic war song. My brother & I used to sing that song together… Then again, we also used to act out “Opposites Attract” by Paula Abdul. He was the cat, an I, of course, was Paula Abdul (pre-booze and drugs).

  2. Becca says:

    Oh, trust me, there are like fifty I could have posted. I know this because I once did a paper in college on the subject. And that was before Napster!

    But although I am a closet Billy Joel fan (shut up!) I really, really dislike that song. I’ll find a reason to post a good Billy Joel song someday, I promise.

    Re: Paula, you, and your brother, er, no comment.

  3. Culotte says:

    I was drunk two nights in a row, because soldiers died for us.

    God Bless America!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Greetings from Carmel, Indiana!

    I admit it, I’m a lurker from ww. And I probably wouldn’t have posted here if you hadn’t outed me on Friday.

    Funny you should mention it, I played the “in bed” game with some friends over Chinese Friday night for the first time. They think I live under a rock because I’d never heard of it before. Good times were had by all!


  5. Jane says:

    Manhattan Solstice is way cool. I’ve never heard of that before.

  6. Becca says:

    OK, Carmel, well you should know your town always makes me want caramel. Don’t try to blame it on the soldiers!

    Culotte, that’s what America is all about!

    Me either, Jane, but it was lovely and everyone came out and stood in the middle of the street. Then the taxis came and we scattered like ants.

  7. Jane says:

    Culotte, I gotcha beat. I got laid because soldiers died for us. Does that answer your other question?

  8. Becca says:

    What can’t those soldiers do?

  9. MzHolly says:

    Ha! My 5 yo Luz had to leave a letter for the tooth fairy saying her mom accidentally threw out her tooth while cleaning the kitchen. Thankfully the Trinity (Mommy, Santa Clause and the tooth fairy) is an understanding and generous entity.

    And am I the only Glenn Miller fan who reads the Magic Jewball?

  10. Culotte says:

    YEAH! That’s what I like to hear. Did you do it on the bike?

    And um, me too. Because of the soldiers and all that.

  11. Becca says:

    Well, MzH, there’s my Dad but he doesn’t know this blog exists so that’d leave just you, alas.

    Culotte, you really love America.

  12. Anonymous says:

    You have Fleet Week on the brain! A friend of mine works in a Manhattan office and hasn’t gotten anything done in days now!

  13. Culotte says:

    Fuckin’ A.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Just wondering what half of the cyclers were naked.


  15. Becca says:

    Yes, Fleet Week is a delightful time to be an American. Ah me.

    Why, KP, come visit and we’ll have a look-see.

  16. Twenchie says:

    Janey, janey, janey.

    Are there picures, videos mayhaps

  17. Becca says:

    Yes, pictures & video! Let’s have some multimedia.

    I turned off the comment approval. Be good, everyone!

  18. Twenchie says:

    Yay! She trusts us, she really trusts us.

    You know that’s a mistake right becca?

  19. Anonymous says:

    Yay! Road trip!

    Well, technically it’s a train trip, but yay nonetheless!

    I’ll bring the snacks.


    P.S. Be good? What fun is that?

  20. jane says:

    I’m bad at being good. Or so says Twenchie. And no, there isn’t video. Yet.

  21. Becca says:

    Well, the blog didn’t explode so I guess I’ll leave it like this. But I’m warning you!

  22. Kay says:

    I was there last year for that last spring–it was absolutely amazing.

    I’m a Glenn Miller fan, too. I get it stuck in my head everytime I see this post title.

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