Magic Jewball

I think it’s time to share something. I have been in a long-term relationship since 1984.

It is with a man who wears black pajamas and dances in loopy fashion. A man who says “Q” for “thank you” but is otherwise unintelligible. A man who has never broken up with anyone in his life and yet writes the most heartfelt break-up songs known to humankind. A man who can’t write a song without using the words love, mouth, fur, or cat. A man who wears lipstick and has had the same “finger in the electric socket” hairdo for 30 years.

It is with this man.

If you also love this man, you might enjoy this new song. I heard like 8 new songs, but this is the only one that had me humming it in my head through several days of non-stop activities. It’s called Freakshow and it isn’t out yet but I know you can remember this until September when it will be released. You can download it then! Remind me to remind you.

More on The Cure, The Cure, R.E.M., and the Obama bake sale tomorrow. I haven’t slept in three days.

I’m in the midst of several things that will be fun to write about after they’re done (3 concerts in a row, marathon baking, bake sale) and thus don’t want to prematurely blogivate. Instead, I thought I’d change things up and actually answer someone’s Jew & A question in the same year they sent it to me. My, it feels strange!

Anyway, here we go.

Sharky writes:

So, I’ve heard about the Passover Coke, and I’ve seen soda that is sweetened with regular cane sugar labeled as Kosher, but what is it about regular soda that makes it not Kosher? Is it the high fructose corn syrup?

Passover ended a couple of months ago but questions about it can be answered year-round, luckily. First off, not sure if you meant it this way or just wrote it like that, but all Coke is Kosher, whether with HFCS or sugar. Passover is another matter, though, and has stricter rules.

Oh, Passover Coke, you food of the Gods! Er, God. That’s what we believe, yes. Because sugary coke just tastes better. For those who are unaware, the Coca-Cola company loves us Jews and makes us a special formula of Coke around Passover time. It’s like the Creme Eggs of our pantry. It (and Coke around the world except for the US) is indeed made with cane sugar rather than high fructose corn syrup. But why would corn syrup be not fit for Passover?

Let’s examine what makes things Kosher For Passover and not so much. Everyone knows that the Israelites were in a rush to get out of Egypt when Pharaoh finally gave them the reluctant thumbs up to stop being his slaves and go home. This is because he was a notorious flip-flopper and they had to vamoose before he changed his royal mind. So when making their bread for the journey (there are no 7-11’s or WaWa’s between Egypt and Israel), they didn’t have time to let it rise and just took it all unleavened and flat-like. (As an aside, I just started making bread last year and if you do too, you’ll know the rising takes ages). To commemorate this, bread is not Kosher for Passover. Just matzah (unleavened bread).

The Jews are a “slippery slope” kind of people (I know you’ll understand this, Sharky, being all lawyery like you are) and everything is very strict constructionist to make sure we don’t fall down the slope. So, not only is wheat flour not Kosher For Passover unless it’s made into matzah, neither is anything that even resembles it. Those things are called kitniyot, from the Hebrew word katan, or small. So small-grainy things are also not Kosher for Passover. Things like rice, lentils, peas, beans, etc. I like to think that glasses technology must have really come a long way since when these rules were devised, but anyway. Different communities consider different things kitniyot (Sephardic Jews eat all kitniyot on Passover, this is why I dream of being adopted by a Sephardic family).

So, even though I’ve never in my life confused an ear of corn with wheat flour, it’s conceivable that if corn were Kosher for Passover, then so would cornmeal be and that can be kind of similar. And cornbread could be like regular bread, only more delicious and better with maple syrup. Thus, corn and all its derivatives are not permissible to be eaten on Passover by Ashkenazic Jews (loosely, Ashkenazi Jews were from most of Europe, Sephardi from Spain and Arab countries). And so, no HFCS, and so, no Coke.

Thankfully, no one in Talmudic times confused sugar with flour and you can’t make bread out of it so it’s all good. Thanks, Coca-Cola! Oh, and Pepsi makes a Kosher for Passover version too, if that’s the way you swing. Because eight days without cola may be too much for a human to deal with, doncha know.

Thanks for asking!

I wanted Pour Some Sugar On Me but it’s not on Napster. D’oh!
Imperial Teen - Sugar

This is not a political blog but it is quite a bit about baking. And what I do with my day (I know! So funny because it’s a blog!). So if you live in the NY metro area and would like to join me selling “Hope in a Cake,” this weekend, let me know! Or, feel free to join up with a bake sale near you.

If you delight in another candidate, I’ll put a sad-face on your brownie. No, no, I still love you! Just as I loved Willie Randolph even when he joined the Mets. And look how well that worked out.

Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come

Sometimes when I think the word “television,” I hear it in a rhythmic way. This is both because I’m an odd duck but also because of this song. It’s one of those social/political songs that make you nod and say, “this is both true and it has a good beat.” This one is from the early 90’s and I’m not sure that if Michael Franti, the thinking man’s rap-jazz fusionist who was the major player in this band as well as Spearhead and several others, would write this the same way today. Maybe the Internet is the drug of the nation now!

One thing that’s still true: there are still 150 channels and nothing on.

I’d write more but I.can’t.stop.surfing.

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy - Television The Drug Of The Nation

Hey, did you know? It’s a special Jewish Day on the secular calendar. Go ahead and wrack your brains, I can wait.

I lied, I can’t. I have a packed weekend. So let’s cut right to the chase and I’ll tell you that it’s June 13th. Yes, you knew that. But I love 6/13! This is because there are 613 commandments (or mitzvot in Hebrew, or mitzvahs in Hebraicized English) in Judaism. Lots of people think mitzvah means good deed and sometimes it does. But really, it means commandment, requirement, etc. These are things Jewish people believe God has commanded us to do. And it’s OK to think of it as a good deed because then you realize that good deeds, too, are required.

I once heard someone say to someone else that if she wasn’t going to give of herself with an open heart, then forget it. But in Judaism it’s not like that. Feeling good is awesome but even if you hate doing good things, you have to. Luckily, I enjoy giving all my money away and cleaning the sores of the old and sick.

Man, two lies in one post. Maybe I’ll just concentrate on those other 612.

Have a good weekend all!

The Fall - Calendar