Magic Jewball

It’s Friday, the snow is a-coming down, and I’ve already written about serious and valuable things this week. And so, here is a post about nothing at all important. If you’re one of the majority of my readers, you’re not from the New York area, and therefore are unfamiliar with the topic at hand or at least the specifics. I have ReplayTV and not only that, the last model they made that comes with “commercial skip” and automatically skips all the ads by working on some fancy algorithm involving the bit of dark space that comes between them and the content. So I rarely watch commercials outside of live sporting events (people always ask me, “does it skip the commercials on live TV?” uh, no, that’s not really possible.) and the morning news. This last one is the worst because I watch NY1 and they only seem to have local (read: cheap, cheesy, awful) commercials. So much so that when I saw a national commercial this morning for cranberry juice, I was startled.

Thus, I thought I would highlight the very best and worst local ads I’ve seen. You know, because you don’t see enough in your own locality.

This first one is 100%, no question, my least favorite ad running on TV today. All of TV. Which sucks for me because it’s on every single morning on NY1, usually multiple times. I often change the channel or mute the TV as soon as I hear the opening notes and it’s not like I’m sitting in front of the thing holding the remote. I’m doing morningy things like brushing my teeth and bemoaning having to go to work when it’s a-snowing. It’s obviously a take-off on Sex & the City but I find it smarmy, stereotype-indulgent, poorly acted, and ridiculously stupid. The women in it grate on me like the beep of an alarm clock. Which you know from an earlier post I don’t actually own.

I couldn’t even find it on YouTube, I had to record it and post it on there myself. Of course I knew it would be on. It’s on every fucking day.

The second one is the polar opposite. Fun! Catchy! Entertaining! And around here either totally beloved or completely loathed. But always known. As a matter of fact, because it’s for a rival cable company, they don’t show it on NY1 which is owned by Time Warner. People used to sing it at work! And I had no idea what they were talking about. And then I saw it. And then I saw it four hundred times. It was inescapable, but in a good way! Because I just adore it, it’s catchier than an Abba song. It was even on Gawker. A guy at work actually has an interpretation as to the subtext of the ad, that the lobster guy at the end is an evil presence, a harbinger of bad things (like having Time Warner cable, I guess). But I don’t believe that at all. Look at his dopey smile, mi gente. If you live in this area, the phrase “mi gente” has already clued you in, I’m sure, on which ad I’m referring to. If not, you will have this phone number memorized in the next 30 seconds. And it will permeate your dreams.

Title comes from the above commercial, natch. Have a great weekend!

Wow, so how about that football contest? To me, it seemed a lot like Sense & Sensibility, mostly because that’s what I was actually watching at the time. But in hindsight, now I’m kind of sorry, as it appears as though New Jersey New York actually pulled it out. I noticed because of all the hooting and hollering going on outside and it wasn’t even the exciting scene where Emma Thompson gets together with Hugh Grant.

Now, you’ll notice that every site and its splog have “best commercials” analysis. You may have thought I was above that. Well, in your face! Because I’m not. I did watch all the commercials online and this was my favorite. Honorable mention goes to the Macy’s balloons chasing after the coke (as if Stewie would ever lose to Charlie Brown).

Ahahahahaha! Every time I see that, I’m sure he’s going to mow down Richard Simmons. I believe in you!

Hey, Lost re-starts tonight!

That’s really all I have to say about it. Is there more? No, really, I watched the “pop-up video” version of last season’s closer last night because, quite frankly, I have a mind like a sieve to the point where after a month away from the show I’m like, “so it’s the doctor, Kate, and what’s the other guy’s name again?” So this was quite useful for me.

I don’t actually watch a lot of TV shows. It’s pretty much sports and Simpsons reruns in my world. Aside from the requisite HBO blockbuster series, this might be the only one I watch regularly. So this is kind of momentous. But not as significant as it is for this blogger, who has come up with a way to make Dharma fish biscuits! Awesome!

I hope she doesn’t mind I’m using her cookie picture. But these have to be seen. Then one of you can make them and send me some.

The Cure - Lost

You may not have noticed this but there are some sports that I cannot fathom and am not a fan of and are thus never mentioned here. I know, it’s hard to tell since you get way too much tennis, baseball, and sometimes even hockey. By the way, I have nothing against basketball but have you seen the Knicks lately? Ye gods and little fishes.

So I was just sitting here waiting for some football game to end so I could watch 60 Minutes, when I finally gave up and switched to one of my favorite movies of all time, Coming to America. (Brother2 and I can quote this movie to each other all day - it’s kind of stunning for two white Jews, really). And then came this conversation between Akeem, fresh from Africa, and his boss Mr. McDowell, whom he is trying to impress in American style.

Akeem: Sir, I was wondering, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?

McDowell: No, I didn’t.

Akeem: Oh, it was most exhilarating. The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay, and in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big H. It was a most gripping victory.

McDowell: Son, I’m just gonna tell you this one time.

Akeem (eagerly): Yes, sir?

McDowell: You want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.

That pretty much sums it up for me, yes. Is the game over yet?

Shiny Toy Guns - Waiting

It took me a minute there to catch the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Sometimes I forget things are on what with the ReplayTV. Then I see them in my list of shows and realize they’re there. But if you haven’t seen it, stop reading! And you know I never tell you to stop reading here so I must be serious.

If you’re still here, and even if you’re not, this scene made me laugh so hard that I could barely breathe. Then I watched it again and again and again. Was this all a dream? Who knows. I just love seeing Larry waving behind Loretta and the look on Susie Greene’s face. Bwahahahaha!

Oh, and there’s profanity. I should have mentioned that first.