Magic Jewball

So the Australian Open is over (boo! hiss!) but I know the highlight for you was the same as it was for me, the triumph of the Israeli Men’s Doubles team, Andy Ram and Jonathan Erlich, over some other people. Oh, I’m kidding. The highlight was actually their press conference. A few gems below.

Q. Thoughts on the first Israeli partnership to win a Grand Slam tournament?

ANDY RAM: It’s an unbelievable moment. It’s a great, great moment for us. I won two Grand Slams in mixed. This happiness, I mean, it’s not even close to what I had during Wimbledon 2006 or French 2007. This is way over the expectations.

I mean, winning with one of my best friends, partner for years.

JONATHAN ERLICH: I thought I’m your best friend.

Q. Did you talk to the Prime Minister yet?

ANDY RAM: We got a call. Actually, they left me a message to call him back and I couldn’t reach him.

JONATHAN ERLICH: That’s the Israeli way. The prime minister asked us to call him back.

Q. Shahar [Peer, the Israeli tennis player] is going to Doha. Are you going to do the same thing? Is that a good thing for tennis?
(note from Becca: Israelis aren’t allowed in Dubai)

JONATHAN ERLICH: I’m not afraid.

ANDY RAM: He’s not afraid to go there; he’s afraid not to come back.

Q. Do you think Israelis appreciate the greatness of winning a Grand Slam?

JONATHAN ERLICH: Definitely. The follow‑up that we had during the two weeks and even now, I mean, they even bought the rights for this, especially for this. The Israeli channel didn’t show it all the tournament. The main channel, channel No. ‑‑

ANDY RAM: 2.

JONATHAN ERLICH: Doesn’t matter.

ANDY RAM: He’s a little bit drunk. It’s okay.

Only a little bit? I’m shocked. Anyway, that’s all for the Aussie Open for this year. Hope you got more sleep than I did. They really have to fix that whole 16 hours ahead thing.

Queen - We Are The Champions

Typing this post is going a bit slow because I’m simultaneously watching the Elena Dementieva-Shahar Peer match. Not on TeeVee, naturally. You think they show this kind of match on TV? Of course not! ESPN has just finished American vs. Other Person and is now moving into Hot Blonde vs. Hot Blonde. (In case you didn’t recognize those matches, they were Serena vs. Azarenka and Sharapova vs. Vesnina). No, I’m watching this match on ESPN’s web service, ESPN360.com. This is what I’ve always dreamed of: the outer courts and lesser matches of the distant slams, all laid out for me to choose. And just like my dreams, it’s kind of fuzzy. But that’s OK! Because everything else is just perfect.

It’s very much like being at the US Open, only less sweltering and more “lying on the couch with a laptop on my belly.” Also, it begins in prime time and goes all night when I should, theoretically, be sleeping. But otherwise, it’s just the same. No stupid commentary about the players’ outfits (or asses), no commercials (during changeovers you watch the players in their chairs, just as you do in Queens), crowd chants again become part of the match (you can’t hear those on TV and when the whole crowd laughs, the announcers never tell you what’s so funny, the bastids), and you can even hear the scores being called from nearby courts, just as though you were there.

Here’s what it looks like on my screen. Click to enlarge to actual size. As you can see, it’s The Democratic Party vs. Urine. Or, they shortened the players names to three letters. Also, our girl Shahar is being manhandled by Dementieva. And not in that sexy way.

By the way, I know how few of you are actually tennis fans because my status message on gTalk is “mentally in Australia” and pretty much every one of my regular contacts IM’d me to ask, “what’s going on in Australia?” Oh, the humanity.

Apropos of nothing, this is post #411.
Mary J. Blige - What’s The 411?

Have a lovely Thanksgiving everyone. Me, I’m thankful for the eleven Facebook fans of J-Ball! Should you still want to join up, the link will everlastingly be in the Meta section of my Blogroll in the sidebar.

The rest of you will be punished with David Nalbandian’s horrendous singing in this comedy sketch from Argentinean TV. He starts about the -2:08 mark, if you can stand it, and his voice bears a striking resemblance to that of Slowpoke Rodriguez. Apparently, it’s a lot of in-jokes about Argentina. Hilarious!

OK now! Don’t quit your day job.

Title comes from:
Nine Inch Nails - My Violent Heart

Gosh, it’s been a long time since I talked about my stats. It’s really time for “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” but I’ll probably get to that over the weekend because I’m actually planning/cooking a real dinner for Pious B tomorrow night. I have a new cookbook and a will to learn to cook versus what I usually do which is:

a. read directions
b. follow directions exactly
c. mix things together
d. stick in oven or on range

But luckily, Alice Waters has this new “simple foods” cookbook which I am hoping is for simple people, i.e. me, and thus will get me into a new mode where I:

a. read directions but
b. instinctively throw things together
c. taste until it’s what I like
d. heat with an actual technique

This year I have taken on French and running and I say, why can’t I be mediocre yet enthusiastic about this too? I can! Look out, Pi.

Anyway, I did have a topic here, yes. The stats. As I’ve noted before, I often find out something is going on in the world of tennis by how the searches are going in my stats. In case you couldn’t remember how obsessed I am with my stats, I received the following e-card today from my friend, Becky, who knows me all too well.

Indeed.

Today, as you can see at left, my stats were full of searches for pictures of Martina Hingis who isn’t usually even in my top 10, probably because no one is wondering if she’s Jewish. So I did my own search and it turns out she tested positive for cocaine and has decided to retire. Again. Well, I don’t know if the coke is a repeat but the retirement is. You can insert your own “she blew it” joke here. WTG, Martina! I knew I could count on you.

This could be the most disappointing sports month ever. David Nalbandian is playing Roger Federer in Paris today but I couldn’t even bring myself to update his page because I feel like I am cursed by the sports gods. I’m sure there’s a card for that somewhere.

ETA: Hey! Nalby won. Oh me of little faith. I suppose I should update the page.

Eric Clapton - Cocaine

Here’s a fun article about all the good matches that were on Court 11 on Friday. I saw two of those, including, of course, the last one which was Nalbandian-Malisse (I spent my day seeing Martina Hingis’ exes, yes). Anyway, they asked all these folks who played and were former champion-runners-up, how it felt to play on a side-court. They were all philosophical about how fortunes wax and wane, except Nalby who instead just spoke about the smaller size and increased wind on Court 11. Ha!

But I happen to love that he was on Court 11 because that meant I could sit in the second row amongst a throng of Argentineans. It’s kind of like how you want bands you like to never be successful so that you can continue to see them in tiny dives rather than Madison Square Garden. I hope Nalby suceeds (especially right now - he’s in a battle with David Ferrer, try yelling Vamos David there) just that he never gets a huge number of fans outside me and the Argentineans. I’m selfish like that.

(Hint: this little girl isn’t wearing light blue because it matches her shorts)

And now, some some parting glances, because while the Open goes on, it goes on for me only on TV.

I ended my Open here, in my favorite spot. At the very top of the Armstrong stadium, there are no ushers to bother you so you can sit in these little crevices at the top of the stairwell. Despite the crowd, you feel as though you are alone.

Sunset on Tim Henman’s career.

Cleaning up the Grandstand at night.

You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

See you next year!

(click to enlarge)