Magic Jewball

Am I becoming tiresome? This one’s a little different, I swear.

Sometimes when I wake up and the TV or radio is on (that is, pretty much always), the media and my dream will become enmeshed, sort of like those storybooks they used to advertise where you could get the book customized for your child. “Then the train conductor said to Timmy….”

This morning it seemed like a news segment about the biggest nuisance fines charged to companies in NYC was about my company. Oh ha! Then I realized I was fully awake and Pat Kiernan had actually mentioned my company. Oops. Yay!

While channel-surfing those morning shows I hate this a.m. in search of some real news, I chanced upon this teaser on CBS’ The Early Show: “After the break, Prince Harry reaches a milestone in his life.”

Was it to much to hope that it would be this?

Nope, it was his graduation from military academy. They did manage to get in a mention of the better story towards the end of the piece, though. After this earth-shattering lead item they got to the other, duller news.

Yes, I am suffering from Katie Hype Overload Syndrome. I don’t think I can stand to hear another word about this woman and her plans. Meredith Vieira’s beginning to really bug me as well.

These are the things I know about Katie: she’s perky and she had a colonoscopy (or several?) on TV. I’m betting the second didn’t lead to the first. Oh, I know it would be different if I watched the Today show or any morning yakfest but I don’t and so I can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass about it.

See, in the morning I need news. Real news. The kind that comes one story after another with illustrative film. It can’t be a conversation about a book or health issue. I don’t really care about these things at any time of the day but especially in the morning I need chop-chop, get to the point news. Where did the idea begin that when you are in the biggest rush of your day and getting out the door late can lead to the end of your income, then bankruptcy and financial ruin, that that is when you need a lot of people chatting and laughing?

If only they would put the evening national news on at 7am I’d be one happy camper. Instead I watch NY1, a local all-news channel (Does any other city have enough news to fill 24 hours? Please let me know if yours does. If you don’t feel like commenting, I have e-mail now!). Except for a couple of segments, it is all serious, “fire in Washington Heights”, “transit strike”, “2nd Avenue Deli going out of business” news. I have actually timed my morning to avoid their fluff pieces, especially the parenting report lady who is clearly on E and the “Average Joe visits a new Y opening” guy. If you watch NY1, you will know who I am talking about. When these segments come on, that’s when I’m brushing my teeth or getting my coffee.

But I knew the Katie Couric news was important because it was on the front page of the NY Times. You know, next to people getting killed in Iraq and Zacarias Moussaoui singing “Burn in the USA” to the tune of “Born in the USA” at his trial. Now I don’t want to joke about these things but did he not understand that the lyrics to that song weren’t exactly patriotic in the first place? He probably also thinks “Every Breath You Take” would be a fine song by which to walk down the aisle at your wedding. Not that, you know, it looks like he’s going to be married any time soon. In fact, I think he’s going to have all the time in the world to watch “Your Health with Dr. Sanjay Gupta.” Unless they kill him, which, after a few rounds with Meredith and Matt, he might prefer.