Magic Jewball, save me!

This could be my most subjective, take a stab in the dark answer yet. Both because this is highly dependent on where you live/nature of the celebrating family/type of affair and because I am no longer really on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit and definitely not as a friend of the celebrant. Back in my day, it was a popular gift to give a Polaroid camera, if that tells you anything.

So, with that caveat, I’ll take my stab and then invite others to join me in the social hall, uh, comment area, where we’ll enjoy a kiddush sponsored by the proud grandparents and give further advice.

To fill in everyone else, the actual main part of a Bar Mitzvah celebration usually takes place in a synagogue where the Bar or Bat Mitzvah (this term actually refers to the young person and not the party – he is a Bar Mitzvah and she is a Bat Mitzvah) will be called to the bimah (a raised platform at the front of the synagogue) to chant the Torah portion of the week and/or the Haftorah portion, which is a sort of matching reading culled from the last two thirds of the Hebrew Bible (what y’all would call the Old Testament). It is sung in an ancient melody and the Torah and Haftorah each have their own. The blessings said before and after each section of the reading (there are seven on the Sabbath) are considered an honor and so the Bar or Bat Mitzvah may also or alternately be called up to say the blessings. This being “called up” is actually the point and it is literally called an aliyah or “going up.” A Jew is not allowed to say these blessings before becoming a Bar (age 13) or Bat (age 12) Mitzvah so this is a big, big deal and everyone will be excited and congratulatory. It is a huge moment in the life of a Jewish person. From that time on, a Jew is responsible for his/her actions and takes on more of the responsibilities detailed in Jewish law.

Being that this part happens in the synagogue, dressing up, as you say, would be a good idea. The party afterwards differs immensely from person to person and some people have one party for everyone and one just for kids. An evening shindig at a hotel will probably require different styles than the one you describe at the arcade. I would guess that will probably be informal and kids will wear what they usually wear to kid parties at arcades, or maybe a shade nicer? Maybe the best thing to do might what we ladies have been since time immemorial and do the “but what are YOU wearing?” thing with moms of other kids attending. Then if you’re wrong you can all be wrong together!

And now to the gift question which I know puzzles lots of people. Here’s my take and others can offer theirs. I LOVE giving Jewish ritual objects or things with religious significance for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. But, you know, I’m Jewish, and know what to get. If I were invited to a baptism, I’d really have no idea and I’d assume no one expected me to give anything religious. So no worries about that. No one expects Jewish stuff from non-Jews. Some people like to say, “you’re supposed to give money. And it has to be in multiples of $18.” This drives me crazy. Money is a fine gift but it is in no way what you’re supposed to give. There’s really nothing that falls into the “you’re supposed to” realm with Bar Mitzvah gifts. There’s just “that would be appropriate” or “that’s a nice gift.” Same with multiples of $18 (corresponds to the word “life” in Hebrew). It’s nice but in no way required. Many people do, many people don’t. Gift cards are just fine (in any denomination) and I have given ones to Amazon to cousins myself (we can be both be pathetic!). Lots of it depends on your relationship to the boy. Your nephew? Something personal. Your co-worker’s kid? Money is swell. Your son can ask his friends what they are giving but I think you are totally safe with a GC.

Mazal tov to the Bar Mitzvah and I hope Alec enjoys the party. Thanks for writing!

Friend of JBall (but not Derek & Alex) Elena asks:
Becca, I’m cataloging a book on the history of Jewish theater in Gdansk, Poland, and the English summary says the Talmud “directly forbids going to theaters and circuses because they are places of sinful idolatry and blasphemy”. Do Orthodox Jews still follow this instruction? Or it is considered a very old-fashioned viewpoint? I always knew clowns were evil!

OMG, this happened to me last time when I was at the Ringling Brothers when all around me, vendors were hawking cotton candy and fresh, hot idols. And the kids! What blasphemers. No, actually, the Talmud is referring to the types of circuses they had back then, which, when combined with theaters, were the kind of entertainment you’d leave your home for in the evening. Circuses and theaters of the Talmudic period did indeed often involve a ritual sacrifice (I guess it was the national anthem of its day). Plus, the rabbis of the Talmud were extremely wary of anything that might bring Jews into contact with idolators and their ways, which is why Judaism can be so strict and probably why it has survived all this time. Hannukah, as we’ve discussed a few times, is about the struggle of Jews to resist the influence of another culture… one which prized theaters and circuses. So the prohibition was twofold: to avoid the sacrifices to idols and foreign gods that took place at circuses and theaters of that period and to avoid mixing with the wrong element and taking on their ways.

Nowadays, the ritual sacrifices have mostly gone away, what with all the coming attractions they have to squeeze in at the multiplex and the way it kept reducing the number of performing animals in the circus. As I’ve mentioned, “Orthodox” can mean a lot of things, from someone who keeps mostly Kosher to people who dress in the garb of the 18th century and won’t sit next to the opposite gender on the bus. This latter group, the ultra-Orthodox, still avoid entertainments such as theater and circuses, but also TV and radio. On the other end of the scale, it’s recognized that our pastimes of today bear little resemblance to those of which the Talmudic population were fearful. So yes! And no! But I do wonder whether the Jews of Gdansk were strict about it. And whether clowns are evil because they secretly worship Baal.

Here is my favorite circus memory, because I know you meant to ask but just ran out of space. Mmm hmm. When I was in my early 20′s, a cousin and I took my nieces and nephews, all under 10, to the circus. We bought them treats (no idols). We saw acrobats. We saw clowns. We saw animals do tricks. It was (and this is totally my own phrase) the greatest show on earth. Afterwards, we returned the children to their parents and Sister1 asked them, “did you have a good time? What was your favorite part?” My nephew didn’t hesitate and answered, “it was the best thing ever! When the elephant peed right in the middle of the ring!” Wow, was I glad I had spent that money.

Thanks for writing in, Elena! If I can stay awake then, we’ll get to another Jew & A question from another of my favorite people tomorrow.

If you were looking for the happy thing in this post, it was right there! The circus. It’s almost circus season! And if you can’t be happy at the circus, there’s something wrong with you. Or you’re a Hasid. Or you’re afraid of clowns. Could even be both.

If that didn’t make you happy, the title comes from a Marx Brothers movie. Go watch it! We’ll still be here counting down the happy tomorrow.

Wow, I haven’t heard this song in a million years. I can’t believe I threw this cassette out in the mid-90′s.
Erasure – The Circus

I am so thrilled that my current husband and I have been invited to the wedding of a young man who served as a camp counsellor to our daughter. He is now attending medical school in the Caribbean, where the couple will reside until he graduates.

Any other words of wisdom you might have? I am tres excited to see the canopy ceremony.

Wow, the Caribbean! How can I marry this man? I mean, great question. Let’s talk about Jewish weddings. When I was young, there were two kinds of weddings: the kind you describe above and the kind on TV where everything was totally different. This never confused me, though, since I had already realized that school, weddings, holidays, and everything else on TV barely resembled my experience. Everyone enjoys that – it’s why they invented science fiction.

I’m going to describe a traditional Jewish wedding and not every one or even the one you’re attending will be exactly like this. They may do some of the things but leave others behind. It may depend on their level of observance or how many episodes involving David Tutera the bride has seen on TV.

Jewish weddings usually begin with a pre-ceremony reception, called Kabbalat Panim (literally: greeting of faces). At many religious weddings, the bride and groom have avoided seeing each other for seven days. So to keep this going, at the Kabbalat Panim, the groom and his pals stay in a separate room as the guests arrive and eat a ton of hors d’oeuvres and get plastered shmooze. This men’s gathering is called a Tisch, which is Yiddish for table, and that’s because all the men sit around a table and talk Torah and drink and sing. It’s also where the groom and two witnesses (they must be pious men) sign the Ketubah, which is the marriage contract that the groom will later give to the bride. It lists all the obligations the man has towards his new wife (food, shelter, sex…. that was not a joke; he has that obligation). Also, how he will take care of her in the event of divorce. My mother kept hers in the bottom drawer under some sweaters, but these days lots of couples have theirs designed with gorgeous illustrations and then frame it and put it up.

(I liked this Ketubah because the quote at the top is “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine,” which is from the Song of Songs.)

In the meantime, the bride gets the rest of the hall. She sits on a throne (well, a fancy wicker chair usually stands in) and is surrounded by her female friends and relatives. Her mother sits on one side and her future MIL on the other and her grandmothers, sisters, sisters-in-law, and bridesmaids stand behind and flank both sides. Here she and they receive guests (of all genders). After a while, the action starts. By that I mean, a trumpet sounds, music starts, and in comes the groom. But you don’t see him at first because he is completely surrounded by other men and they literally dance him into the room to see his bride. Everyone cheers and claps and sings along. The song that is played is called “Od Yishama,” and the lyrics are from Jeremiah:

Od yishama be’arei Yehuda,
Uvechutzot Yerushalayim
Kol sasson v’kol simcha
Kol chatan v’kol kallah

It will still be heard in the cities of Judea
And the parts of Jerusalem:
The sound of joy and the sound of gladness,
The voice of the groom and the voice of the bride.

It’s hard to imagine this scene so I’m including a random video from YouTube. In a Pavlovian reaction, every video I watched made me emotional, even though I don’t know these people. When you are there witnessing it, it’s the moment you kind of think, “OMG! So-and-so is really getting married!” It makes you sniffly. This part is called the Bedeken (or many alternate transliterations of Yiddish) or covering the face of the bride. Because when Rebecca saw Isaac for the first time, she covered herself with a veil. The groom checks to make sure it’s really the one he’s supposed to marry (you scoff, but look what happened to Jacob!) and then he lowers the veil over her face. The bride’s father, as in this video, often kisses her and gives her a blessing.

I really love how excited the bride and groom (who looks about 15… and smashed) are to see each other in this one, so I picked it even though the chair wasn’t wicker. Feh.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Everyone then proceeds to their seats for the ceremony, where, you guessed it, the chuppah is. Most Jewish weddings do not have separate seating by side of the family. This is, again, something I have only seen on TV, but I assume is real. You can tell me if it’s not. The chuppah is a canopy on four poles and it makes a little house. You may think this symbolizes the bride’s transition from her previous dancing gig, but actually, it more stands for the new household that the bride and groom are creating. By “chuppah,” your invitation means “the main ceremony.” Chuppah really symbolizes marriage itself, as in the blessing one gives a new baby that he or she will advance to Torah, chuppah, and ma’asim tovim (good deeds).

In traditional Jewish ceremonies, both the bride and groom are walked down the aisle by their parents. There is no giving anyone away. Another difference is that the bride and groom usually choose some piece of music they like and it’s usually not Here Comes the Bride. When the bride reaches the chuppah, she walks around the groom seven times. Seven is an important number in Judaism and lots of things in the wedding are done in sevens. I won’t go over the whole ceremony, but it involves drinking wine and the giving of rings, and later, seven blessings are said. Also, the Ketubah is read (but it’s in Aramaic so you may also get a translation) and given to the bride. At the very end, the groom smashes a glass under his foot because even in our happiest times, we remember the destruction of the holy Temple in Jerusalem.

The bride and groom then go off to the Yichud (seclusion) Room where they, uh, have some alone time while the witnesses stand outside and make sure no one messes with them. Often, they sit and eat something as the custom is to fast the day of one’s wedding (it’s like Yom Kippur for the bride and groom – a day of prayer and renewal). But, really, what happens in the Yichud Room stays in the Yichud Room. The guests go off to begin the Se’udat Mitzvah, or festive meal. Once the bride and groom come in to the main hall where everyone’s already started tucking in to their appetizers, the room goes crazy with wild dancing. Sometimes, the bride and groom are raised up on chairs by their friends. This is a good time to not stand right next to a bunch of drunken people holding other people on chairs.

It’s an important mitzvah (commandment) “l’sameach chatan v’kallah,” that is, to make the bride and groom happy. So you will often see people wear fun costumes or juggle or dance in front of the bride and groom, who can rest for a bit and enjoy the show. Then there’s more dancing and eating and a benediction at the end.

Now, all of the above should be taken with this grain of salt: these are all the main traditions. Your friends may not do some or most of them. But just in case, there they all are!

So now to your practical inquiries. Whatever you might give to anyone getting married would be appropriate for a Jewish couple. The custom of, when money is given, giving it in multiples of 18 is because in Hebrew, letters are also numbers and the two letters which make 18 are also the word for life. Jews like life a lot, despite all the complaining which may make you suspect otherwise. So if you do give money, multiples of 18 are a lovely gesture, although you don’t have to.

Mazal tov to the bride and groom and thanks for writing!

I never realized till I was trying to find a song for this how many wedding song reference traditions not encountered in Judaism: wedding bells, chapels, etc. So we’ll just go with this old chestnut.
Billy Idol – White Wedding

But what are Tefillin and what special powers do they have to bring down planes? In English, Tefillin are known as phylacteries, although I have never heard anyone use this word in my life in conversation. It’s more for the English translation of books about Jews. Or blogs about Jews. But we’re going to use Tefillin here. The use of Tefillin stems from the Biblical commandment to “bind [my words] as a sign upon your arm, and they shall be as symbol between your eyes.” (Deuteronomy 6:8). Like most commandments, observant Jews take these sorts of things pretty literally and that’s exactly what is done. Essentially, Tefillin are two small leather boxes with attached leather straps and they are worn on and wrapped around the head and arm. Inside each of the boxes are parchment scrolls upon which are written the following Biblical verses: the first two sections of the essential prayer of faith, the Shma (which also includes the verse above), Deut. 6:4-9 and 11:13-21, and as well, Exodus 13:1-10, and 11-16 which also reference the reasons for wearing Tefillin.

These verses are a sort of instruction on to what extent one should adhere to God’s words. Take them to your heart. Tell them to your children. Say them when you’re at home and when you go out, when you lie down and when you get up. Wear them on your head and on your arm. Put them on your doorposts and gates (that’s the mezuzah part, in case you recognized it). By donning the Tefillin during prayer, one has God’s words smack against their skin and has their actions (the arm) and their mind devoted to God’s words.

There are elaborate instructions on how to wear Tefillin. I don’t know them because I’m a chick and I don’t have to (women are not required by Jewish law to do time-bound commandments) but apparently it pretty much becomes second nature. It’s a big deal when a Bar Mitzvah gets to wear them for the first time. Then, four years later he gets arrested on a plane.

Even my friend Pammy from Tulsa which is all the way in that state with the surreys with the fringes on top has seen Tefillin. Maybe you have too! They look like this:

And like this when they’re being worn:

Should you wish to reach your destination without a pit-stop in Philly (and who wants that? I kid!), please print these pictures out and show them to your local flight attendant.

Depeche Mode – Wrong

Hey! It’s a special month on the Jewish calendar and that month is called Adar. It’s awesome and special because you’re commanded to be happy the whole month. Yes, indeed, doomed to happiness for four plus weeks. The happiness thing is because Adar is the month with Purim, one of those holidays where the Jews were saved from certain death (well, almost certain, obviously) and that’s a giant excuse for a party. Tomorrow night begins Purim, the holiday where you give gifts of baked goods to your friends and it’s a mitzvah to get bombed off your ass. That might not be the exact language the Talmud uses, but that’s really the rule.

My Mom was a Jewish educator, as I’ve stated many times here, and she liked to wear a giant button on her coat at this time of year that embarrassed me beyond the limits of teenage humiliation. It said, “Be happy! It’s Adar!” in Hebrew and English. Oh Mom! When I was in college, my grandma died during that month and after that, it was terribly hard for my Mom to be happy then but she wore the big green button anyway. Sometimes commandments are hard. After she died, we found that my Mom had like ten of these buttons. Ha! I kept one but, you know, I don’t actually walk down the street with the thing on my coat.

Too cool. You know what’s even more cool? Someone wrote me based on this post and asked:

Hi! My son’s bar mitzvah is coming up (soon!!) on Rosh Chodesh Adar, and so “Be Happy, It’s Adar!” will be the theme. We’re thinking of giving out Adar/Purim kits containing a gragger, tzedakah box, bag for shalach manot, etc. I’d like to look into including a “Be Happy, It’s Adar!” button, though we might have to have them made up, as I don’t see any being sold online. Can you tell me more about what your mom’s button looked like, or what the Hebrew wording was? A photo would be really helpful, but anything you can tell me would be really appreciated!

JM

This.is.awesome. Could there be a better theme than this? In a world of Star Trek and Twilight themes, this.is.awesome. Kudos upon kudos. In case you had not surmised from this letter, it’s not yet Adar but it’s fast coming down the pike. So I went digging down into the mildewed basement to my storage space and between the little ceramic challah I made my Mom for Mother’s Day and her check cashing card to Seven Mile Market (come on, I had to save that) was the button. It’s nothing special, I have to say. But what struck me was the Hebrew on it which says, “Mishenichnas Adar, marbin b’simchah.” This does not literally mean “Be happy, it’s Adar.” It means, “When Adar begins, we increase in happiness.” So this made me wonder where this statement comes from and how it got translated into some kind of forceful command. Do it! Be happy!

Turns out it’s from a section of the Talmud called Ta’anit and it’s the second half of a statement which begins by talking about the saddest month of the Jewish calendar, Av. That’s the one where so many tragedies befell the Jewish people including the destruction of both Temples as well as the expulsion from Spain. Bear with me here, because I do not have the complete Talmud in my home and didn’t have time to run over to the Beit Hamidrash (house of study, but in this case, a room in my synagogue with lots o’holy books).

But supposedly, it goes like this. “Rav Yehuda the son of Shmuel the son of Shilat says in the name of Rav: Just as one is required to minimize happiness when the month of Av begins, so too when the month of Adar begins, we increase happiness.” (T.B. Ta’anit 29a)

And so, I’m really glad that I got asked this question so I could learn this. It makes it even more appropriate that my mother was able to get over her sadness to rejoice in Adar, because that’s apparently what it’s actually about, the time to be happy as opposed to the time to be sad. And maybe sad is the wrong word because it doesn’t say that; it says, “minimize” your happiness. Maybe that’s because we’re essentially a happy people. We don’t really need to be told to be happy, just when to lessen our happiness and when to increase it. Or maybe that’s the way it used to be and nowadays, we’re all too stressed and worried and we really do need that reminder, because happiness is not just a good thing, it’s required. So be happy, it’s Adar! (soon!)

Since a Bar Mitzvah exemplifies the future of the Jewish people, it is even more appropriate that it be held in Adar which is the flip side of Av, the month of destruction. I hope that your son’s Bar Mitzvah is a time of great joy for you, JM, and that through him you increase the happiness of all around you.

And, well, I hope you find a slightly more attractive button than this one. Mazal tov!

Dear MJB,

Deas

Dear Deas,

This is an interesting question because it pits two big principles of Judaism against each other. Two principles enter! One principle leaves! Or something, I don’t really watch that show. And of course, since this is Judaism, there are varied interpretations of which principle trumps the other. Let’s start with our contestants, shall we?

#1 is 25, likes moonlight walks, and is looking for a man to understand her.

Wait, let’s start again.

#1 is called “nivul hamet” or “insult to the dead.” A dead person should be shown great respect, and we would never want to embarrass or dishonor him or her. For example, he or she is never left alone all the way until burial; there is always a living person sitting with the body. This may sound creepy but is an important mitzvah (commandment). If it is your loved one, it can even be comforting. Also part of this rule is making sure that all parts of the body are buried, this honors the person by making sure their remains are not unnecessarily mutilated. Similarly, the body is purified, prayers are said, and he or she is buried right away, usually within 24 hours.

#2 is called “pikuach nefesh” or “saving a life.” This is really the overarching principle of Judaism and almost nothing nullifies the obligation. For instance, if driving on the Sabbath, usually forbidden, could get someone to the hospital to get treatment for a life-threatening condition, it is permitted, and actually required.

You can probably see where I’m going here. But let’s start with a different question. My, I love questions! So, is an autopsy permitted? Cutting open a dead person is certainly a disrespect; have you never seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High? The answer is, sometimes. A routine autopsy is not permitted but one that would establish a cause of death that might help someone else live is OK. But an organ transplant is always done to heal a living person and therefore, most authorities would say it is not only all right, but should be encouraged.

Now, as with all things Jewish, it depends on who you’re asking. You, of course, are asking me and I would tell you that everyone should sign up to donate their organs and perpetuate life. But some Hassidic and other groups within Judaism argue that #1 is just as important and a dead person must be buried whole. Therefore, autopsies and organ harvesting are never allowed, according to them. Does your acquaintance typically wear long skirts, long sleeves, and a wig? If not, the cemetery she’ll most likely be buried in will gladly accept her and her money. I mean, her and her body.

Not to mention, there’s always a lot of talk about Jewish cemeteries not accepting people, it’s kinda weird. I’ve heard, “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if I have tattoos,” “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery since I intermarried,” “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if I commit suicide,” and now “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if I donate my organs.” Who knew that Jewish cemeteries were a tougher get than Harvard? Personally, I’ve never heard of this happening, maybe it’s a Jewish urban legend. Where’s JewSnopes when you need it? I can’t say with total authority that it never occurs (particularly the intermarriage one), but at the funerals I’ve been to, the dead person arrives in a plain wood coffin and is buried, spit spot. I’ve never seen anyone peek inside and make sure the body looks pristine.

And yes, when you see official personnel in Israel after a fatal event collecting human remains, this is why. They are mostly from an organization called Zaka, which does search and rescue, as well as this horrific task. In Judaism, making sure a person receives a proper burial and is treated with honor after life ends is considered one of the greatest things one can do, because there is no reward for it in this lifetime. It is called “chesed shel emet” or “true kindness.” My cousin told me once that she had served time on a committee at her synagogue that prepared and purified a person for burial. It was hard at first, but after a while it became routine. You could be called at a moment’s notice, too, even in the middle of the night, and you wore special garments. I was awed and impressed, but she is a truly kind person, so there you are.

Relatedly, no one really knows why klezmer is popular. Many grants have been funded to study this issue. I kid! Of course this is why klezmer is popular! Life is short, death is sad, let’s make music and dance!

Thanks for writing!

Elton John – Someone Saved My Life Tonight

So! Please do think of some pressing questions about Judaism, Jews, Jewey things, etc. They don’t have to be PC, I am rarely offended except if you tell me these pants make my butt look big. But that’s not a question so I’m not concerned. You can send me questions in three ways:

1. Email me at becca (at) magicjewball (dot) com
2. Use this form (also under Pages on the right).
3. Put it in the comments.

Don’t forget, you may be published in a book but possibly not on the actual blog. Except if your question intrigues me so much I feel the need to answer it this second. Luckily, you’re all intriguing. I know this because I’m always intrigued that anyone would read this blog.

So thanks and don’t forget Becca’s favorite phrase, “don’t be afraid to ask!”*

*may or not be Becca’s actual favorite phrase.

Elvis Costello & The Attractions – Every Day I Write The Book

Let’s start with some quick background before we get to the questions. Hannukah is an eight-day festival that celebrates the victory by a small band of Jews against larger Syrian-Greek forces who sought to conquer Israel in the 2nd century BCE. This is the popular history, and it’s accurate to a degree, but what isn’t usually discussed and what is vitally relevant to the struggles the Jews endure today, is that it wasn’t just a battle of military and territorial importance but also of spiritual and cultural hegemony. Not only did the foreign forces wish to bring the Jews over to their ways, but many Jews were already under the Hellenistic spell, and it was a victory over them as well. This is ironic in so many ways it would blow Alanis Morrisette’s mind.

When the invaders were gone, the temple in Jerusalem, which had been defiled, was rededicated. Sadly, there was only enough oil to light the menorah (menorahs were just the regular candelabras before Hannukah came along) for one day. But crazily, the oil lasted eight days! YaY, miracles!

So, the first question I received was from IrishCardinal and is actually several in one. I’ll begin there.
I’ve heard that Hanukkah, or however you wanna spell it, is a very minor holiday in the Jewish calendar. But since it’s close to Christmas, it has succumbed to a lot of hype and consumerism so as to compete with Christmas. You aren’t that old, Becca, but have you noticed a lot of changes in your lifetime in the way Hanukkah is marketed and celebrated? Like, do they sell big ugly sweaters with sequined menorahs and dreidels on them? I know for a fact they sell teddy bears that, if you press on their paw, they sing “I Have a Little Dreidel” and Stars of David on their feet light up.

Hahahahaha, that’s awesome. But I’m glad you worded your first lines that way because this is something that is a terribly large misconception, and understandably so. And it’s going to allow me to expound a lot on this topic and get up on my soapbox, so sorry about that! Not a lot of people, especially Jews, seem to know this, but you are absolutely correct, Hannukah is a minor holiday. How do we know this? It’s not in the Torah but arose in the period afterwards and we aren’t commanded by God to observe it. Thus, there aren’t the usual “holiday” rules about not working or using electricity, etc.

Christmas, as we all know, is the biggest Christian holiday there is. Coincidentally (or maybe not when you realize they’re probably both based on pagan Winter festivals), Christmas and Hannukah fall around the same time on the calendar. This has sort of turned Hannukah into something it is not. And what it has become, depending on how you look at it, is either “not Christmas, because I’m not Christian” or “Jewish Christmas.” I am not sure why this is so hard for many Jews to accept, but the Christians have Christmas and we don’t. There is no Jewish Christmas. There is Passover in the Spring and there is Rosh Hashanah in the Fall. But that’s as close as you’re going to get. There are no decorations except the menorah itself and that is supposed to be displayed prominently so as to “advertise” the miracle which happened to the Jews in their defeat of the enemy and having the oil last eight days.

Believe me, I understand the desire and hunger to do what everyone else is doing, to fit in, to belong, to put up fun decorations and get presents from Santa. But the answer is not to turn your holiday into someone else’s. That’s when you lose what is lovely and unique about your own. The other thing people do, and I’m more understanding of this, is to hold up Hannukah as an “I don’t celebrate Christmas!” shield. When I go to work and the lobby is decorated with a giant, fully decorated tree, with huge wreaths and red, green, and gold ribbon, and next to them is this little menorah, I get it. I get that what they are saying is, “we see you.” They know that not everyone celebrates Christmas and I appreciate that. I guess if you celebrate neither Christmas nor Hannukah you’re out of luck, though.

Recently, on a kitchen/decorating forum I have been going to (shut up!), people were showing off their Hannukah decorations. If you will, please imagine Christmas decorations except in blue and white (by the way, there are no Hannukah colors – blue and white are the colors of the Israeli flag and thus have become the de facto Hannukah colors). One person even had a Hannukah bush. This made me cringe. Show some pride! This is not your heritage; you have stolen someone else’s and passed it off. If you are so jealous of non-Jews, to my mind, just celebrate Christmas itself. Why go with an imitation?

This is the moment to remember the True Meaning of Hannukah. Ready? Drumroll…. we didn’t assimilate! Still want a Hannukah bush?

Personally, I love watching non-Jews celebrate Christmas. I love the trees and the lights and the magic and the movies and the music and the commercials and the spirit. I’m glad to be part of it as an observer.

This is not to say that Jewish holidays do not adjust to their surroundings. Originally, presents were not a Hannukah tradition, just gelt (more on that later). But, I’m not mad that we picked up this fine addition.

None of that was really for you, Irish. But you did have a question in there, didn’t you? Ooops. Anyway! Thank you for calling me not old. I almost missed that. I honestly do not see any more Hannukah marketing than there used to be but it may be because I have almost always lived in Jewish areas where it’s heavily marketed already. Thank God, no light up sweaters yet. The teddy bear sounds OK. I’ll take three.

I also think Hannukah is less prone to consumerism because before any presents are given, you light the menorah, say blessings, and sing hymns. So the spiritual is part and parcel of each evening.

Oh, and as for the spelling! There are many acceptable spellings since the Hebrew alphabet doesn’t always have corresponding letters in English. Hannukah comes from the word for dedication since the Temple was rededicated after its defilement. Thanks for letting me use your question for my own agenda! You’re a good sport. Unlike that Jonathan Papelbon.

Average Jane asks:
If it is truly our holiday that is the festival of lights, why didn’t we jump on that pretty-twinkly-light phenomenon way before Santa got his hands on them? Sooooo pretty. Sooooo twinkly.

So true. It is the Festival of Lights. We totally should have. However, I do love picking out the colors of candles each night. The first night that I have to repeat colors is such a drag. One year I’m going to find a box with enough colors to have nine different ones.

JennyPA asks:
What’s the significance of Hanukkah gelt and how did it turn into chocolate?

Gelt (Yiddish for money) is pocket change that it is traditional to give to children on Hannukah. One explanation is that it was a kind of bribe/reward to re-educate them in Judaism after the period of foreign influence. Another explanation is that it was the original alternative to gifts that non-Jewish neighbors gave to their children. Either way, the chocolate version is a modern invention and quite a delicious one, boy howdy.

Alex asks:
I think that this year, Christmas is on the 28th of Kislev. Why does it keep moving around?

Oh, Alex. You’re such a kidder. As everyone knows, the Jewish calendar is a lunar one which is why things fall differently on the secular schedule year to year. This year, of course, Hannukah begins at sunset on December 21st. As always, it also falls on 25 Kislev on the Jewish calendar. Christmas falls on “Jewish Family Day” or so my Yeshiva calendar used to call December 25th.

Sam asks:
Do I have to get the Jews in my life a present for each day, or can I get them each one present and bestow it on any day within the eight day window?

Have no fear! As I mentioned, presents are a recent innovation to the Hannukah celebration. So the answer is, everyone does it their own way. In my house growing up, each night was different. One night was “uncles & aunts night,” one was “grandparents night,” one was “book night,” one was “tchotchke night,” etc. But, unless you’re a member of the Kushner family or something, you probably end up with the same number and value of presents per capita as Christmas-celebrators do, just spread out. So, my answer would be, you can either get them eight small gifts, one on each night, or one regular gift given on any day in the eight day period.

Thanks for asking, everyone! Personally, I am hoping for a Law & Order DVD set after my hymn-singing. Also, world peace. In no particular order.

Styx – Lights

In the meantime, while I try to make it through these last weeks before the Big Break the music business takes at the end of the month, please enjoy this bit of holiday cheer. See, it’s going to be awesome when this guy shows up with his missed connection to the family Christmas. Because I’m 100% sure this boy’s parents are going to be thrilled to see her.

“Uh, I’ll pour….”

Irishcardinal asks:

Tell me about Sukkot. I saw a family on campus the first day of Sukkot. The father and small son wore embroidered yarmulkes,and had strings showing below their vests. The mom was carrying what looked like a wooden spear,about the size of a baseball bat,with some greenery attached at the bottom of it–is that anything related to Sukkot? In past years, I have seen a Sukkot hut on campus, but it wasn’t in plain sight this year. My sister wants to know what do people in big cities living in high rise apts. do for Sukkot huts?

The first year I wrote this blog, I described most of the holidays to an extent and then didn’t really want to repeat myself but of course, no one who was reading the blog on day one is still here (I believe they all shot themselves) and most of my regular readers now weren’t around the first year. I have no scientific proof of this but everyone knows that 78% of people like to make up statistics.

Anyway, if you would like to read the first year Sukkot post, it is here but if you don’t, I’m happy to expand upon it in this space plus answer your specific questions.

So! First things first. Sukkot is an eight day (seven in Israel) holiday that commemorates the time spent in the desert after the exodus from Egypt and before reaching the land of Israel. During that time, the Israelites lived in sukkot, or temporary booths. Like the other two main festivals (this doesn’t include the high holidays), Passover and Shavuot, it also has an agricultural component. Sukkot is a time of special rejoicing and is also called the “Festival of Joy.” One reason for this is that there was much trouble when the Israelites reached the promised land and they looked back at the time in the desert as a simple life and a more innocent time.

The yarmulkes and strings are actually daily things and probably had nothing to do with Sukkot. Some yarmulkes do have embroidery. They come in all kinds of fun designs. For instance, the one at left. The strings were probably Tzitzit, which is a four-cornered garment with strings attached at the end that Jews are commanded to wear to remind them of the commandments (all 613, not just the ten big ones). Most denominations that follow this commandment interpret that to mean just men, so few women do this. Most do it just during prayers, as a kind of shawl (Tallit), but many more religious people wear it as an undergarment even outside daily services. Many people let the strings hang out, Modern Orthodox businessmen tend not to. This allows me to tell Brothers 1 & 2, “you have a tzitz hanging out.”

The strings have all kinds of special knots that mean special things. Too many to list here but if you are interested, here is a description from Wikipedia.

The wooden baseball bat spear was probably a lulav and was no doubt accompanied by a baseball sized fruit (OK, it’s smaller but I wanted to carry along the analogy, forgive me) which looks like a lemon and is called an etrog. Together, these constitute the four species (the lulav has some other species attached) which are used in various ceremonies and for certain blessings on Sukkot. The four species are: palm, willow, myrtle, and citron (that’s the etrog). This is based on the Biblical verse, “On the first day you shall take the product of hadar trees, branches of palm trees, boughs of leafy trees, and willows of the brook (Leviticus 23:40).” The Talmud, which is the place where the Rabbis asked all the “but what does the Torah mean by blah blah?” questions, is where we learn which plants that line means exactly. The palm branch, or lulav, is the biggest and why the whole thing is called a lulav. The branches of myrtle (hadasim) and willow (aravot) are attached at the bottom and tied together with strands of palm. The citron (etrog) is separate.

As always, there’s the “because the Torah says so” aspect and the, “but what could be the meaning behind this?” question. There are a couple of different common interpretations, other than the fact that, as I mentioned, Sukkot is an agricultural celebration. The first is that the four species represent parts of the body:

Palm (that’s the tall, straight one) = spine
Myrtle (oval shaped leaf) = eye
Willow (long oval shaped leaf) = mouth
Citron = heart

This is interpreted to mean that all parts of the body must come together in the worship of the Lord.

The second is that each represents a different kind of Jew:

Citron, which has a good taste and a good smell, is the person who is both learned in Torah and performs Mitzvot (commandments), i.e., is a good person.
Palm, which has a good taste but no smell, is the person who is learned in Torah but performs few Mitzvot.
Myrtle, which has a strong smell but no taste, is the person knows little Torah but still performs Mitzvot.
Willow, which has neither taste nor smell, is the person who knows no Torah and performs no Mitzvot

All the species are held together closely so as to represent the unity we desire for the Jewish people – all types. But both of these demonstrate essential themes of unity and interdependence. If you’ve ever built a sukkah, you know that this theme is pretty important. I used to hold the nails. The other available job was sitting on the roof and throwing branches onto the top of the sukkah. Yes, I doled out the nails.

So, good segue for the next topic: the hut, which is called a Sukkah and why the whole holiday is called Sukkot. It’s the other main thing about the holiday; the title role, shall we say. As I said, it represents the temporary dwellings in which the Israelites lived in the desert on the way to the promised land. In balmy Israel, it’s a lovely outdoor thing. In the Northeastern US, it’s a reason to buy leggings and a new sweatshirt. The requirement is that you eat every meal possible in the sukkah and even sleep there if you are able. If you live in a big city, there are several options.

1. Some buildings do have sukkahs. Pious B’s does. If you have a courtyard or roof garden and a willing building management, it can be done. You see them quite often.
2. You go away to your friends and family who live in the suburbs. If not for the whole holiday, than the holy days at the beginning and end or the sabbath in the middle. That’s what I did!
3. Most synagogues and many Kosher restaurants have sukkahs. Since there’s pretty much a synagogue on every other block in Manhattan, this isn’t very difficult. Other large cities like, say, Dublin, may not have this convenience.

In conclusion, Rays in six.

Thanks for asking!

Peter, Paul & Mary – Lemon Tree