Magic Jewball

You may have read some headlines today (or you will tomorrow if you’re more that newspaper type) about a plane being diverted due to some kid’s “prayer ritual.” Or, if you’re a reader of the Jerusalem Post or even the NY Post, you’d get a headline like “Tefillin causes bomb scare on US flight.” (I’ll bet the NY Post didn’t have to describe White Plains as “just north of New York City,” though). Because, to us, Tefillin is neither weird nor scary, it’s just something you use every day like your toothbrush. Well, men mostly, because if you’re religiously observant enough to pray daily with Tefillin, then you probably also believe only men need to do so (but there are exceptions, please don’t gripe at me).

But what are Tefillin and what special powers do they have to bring down planes? In English, Tefillin are known as phylacteries, although I have never heard anyone use this word in my life in conversation. It’s more for the English translation of books about Jews. Or blogs about Jews. But we’re going to use Tefillin here. The use of Tefillin stems from the Biblical commandment to “bind [my words] as a sign upon your arm, and they shall be as symbol between your eyes.” (Deuteronomy 6:8). Like most commandments, observant Jews take these sorts of things pretty literally and that’s exactly what is done. Essentially, Tefillin are two small leather boxes with attached leather straps and they are worn on and wrapped around the head and arm. Inside each of the boxes are parchment scrolls upon which are written the following Biblical verses: the first two sections of the essential prayer of faith, the Shma (which also includes the verse above), Deut. 6:4-9 and 11:13-21, and as well, Exodus 13:1-10, and 11-16 which also reference the reasons for wearing Tefillin.

These verses are a sort of instruction on to what extent one should adhere to God’s words. Take them to your heart. Tell them to your children. Say them when you’re at home and when you go out, when you lie down and when you get up. Wear them on your head and on your arm. Put them on your doorposts and gates (that’s the mezuzah part, in case you recognized it). By donning the Tefillin during prayer, one has God’s words smack against their skin and has their actions (the arm) and their mind devoted to God’s words.

There are elaborate instructions on how to wear Tefillin. I don’t know them because I’m a chick and I don’t have to (women are not required by Jewish law to do time-bound commandments) but apparently it pretty much becomes second nature. It’s a big deal when a Bar Mitzvah gets to wear them for the first time. Then, four years later he gets arrested on a plane.

Even my friend Pammy from Tulsa which is all the way in that state with the surreys with the fringes on top has seen Tefillin. Maybe you have too! They look like this:

And like this when they’re being worn:

Should you wish to reach your destination without a pit-stop in Philly (and who wants that? I kid!), please print these pictures out and show them to your local flight attendant.

Depeche Mode – Wrong

That exclamation point is important. Don’t say Adar, say Adar! Adar is the sixth month of the Jewish year (or the twelfth if you’re counting from Nissan, when Passover is… we have lots of New Years). Adar as you’ll recall, is the month that has Purim, the festival of treats. This is not its technical name. OK, this is just the name I personally give it. Why would you recall this and from where? Why, right here! A while back anyway. To quote myself:

Hey! It’s a special month on the Jewish calendar and that month is called Adar. It’s awesome and special because you’re commanded to be happy the whole month. Yes, indeed, doomed to happiness for four plus weeks. The happiness thing is because Adar is the month with Purim, one of those holidays where the Jews were saved from certain death (well, almost certain, obviously) and that’s a giant excuse for a party. Tomorrow night begins Purim, the holiday where you give gifts of baked goods to your friends and it’s a mitzvah to get bombed off your ass. That might not be the exact language the Talmud uses, but that’s really the rule.

My Mom was a Jewish educator, as I’ve stated many times here, and she liked to wear a giant button on her coat at this time of year that embarrassed me beyond the limits of teenage humiliation. It said, “Be happy! It’s Adar!” in Hebrew and English. Oh Mom! When I was in college, my grandma died during that month and after that, it was terribly hard for my Mom to be happy then but she wore the big green button anyway. Sometimes commandments are hard. After she died, we found that my Mom had like ten of these buttons. Ha! I kept one but, you know, I don’t actually walk down the street with the thing on my coat.

Too cool. You know what’s even more cool? Someone wrote me based on this post and asked:

Hi! My son’s bar mitzvah is coming up (soon!!) on Rosh Chodesh Adar, and so “Be Happy, It’s Adar!” will be the theme. We’re thinking of giving out Adar/Purim kits containing a gragger, tzedakah box, bag for shalach manot, etc. I’d like to look into including a “Be Happy, It’s Adar!” button, though we might have to have them made up, as I don’t see any being sold online. Can you tell me more about what your mom’s button looked like, or what the Hebrew wording was? A photo would be really helpful, but anything you can tell me would be really appreciated!

JM

This.is.awesome. Could there be a better theme than this? In a world of Star Trek and Twilight themes, this.is.awesome. Kudos upon kudos. In case you had not surmised from this letter, it’s not yet Adar but it’s fast coming down the pike. So I went digging down into the mildewed basement to my storage space and between the little ceramic challah I made my Mom for Mother’s Day and her check cashing card to Seven Mile Market (come on, I had to save that) was the button. It’s nothing special, I have to say. But what struck me was the Hebrew on it which says, “Mishenichnas Adar, marbin b’simchah.” This does not literally mean “Be happy, it’s Adar.” It means, “When Adar begins, we increase in happiness.” So this made me wonder where this statement comes from and how it got translated into some kind of forceful command. Do it! Be happy!

Turns out it’s from a section of the Talmud called Ta’anit and it’s the second half of a statement which begins by talking about the saddest month of the Jewish calendar, Av. That’s the one where so many tragedies befell the Jewish people including the destruction of both Temples as well as the expulsion from Spain. Bear with me here, because I do not have the complete Talmud in my home and didn’t have time to run over to the Beit Hamidrash (house of study, but in this case, a room in my synagogue with lots o’holy books).

But supposedly, it goes like this. “Rav Yehuda the son of Shmuel the son of Shilat says in the name of Rav: Just as one is required to minimize happiness when the month of Av begins, so too when the month of Adar begins, we increase happiness.” (T.B. Ta’anit 29a)

And so, I’m really glad that I got asked this question so I could learn this. It makes it even more appropriate that my mother was able to get over her sadness to rejoice in Adar, because that’s apparently what it’s actually about, the time to be happy as opposed to the time to be sad. And maybe sad is the wrong word because it doesn’t say that; it says, “minimize” your happiness. Maybe that’s because we’re essentially a happy people. We don’t really need to be told to be happy, just when to lessen our happiness and when to increase it. Or maybe that’s the way it used to be and nowadays, we’re all too stressed and worried and we really do need that reminder, because happiness is not just a good thing, it’s required. So be happy, it’s Adar! (soon!)

Since a Bar Mitzvah exemplifies the future of the Jewish people, it is even more appropriate that it be held in Adar which is the flip side of Av, the month of destruction. I hope that your son’s Bar Mitzvah is a time of great joy for you, JM, and that through him you increase the happiness of all around you.

And, well, I hope you find a slightly more attractive button than this one. Mazal tov!

Oh look, Jew & A! Maybe you vaguely remember this concept. Anyway, I received two questions, one last week and one this week. Let’s start with last week’s. One should not assume that we’ll have to wait till next week for this week’s but stranger things have happened.

Dear MJB,

Deas

Dear Deas,

This is an interesting question because it pits two big principles of Judaism against each other. Two principles enter! One principle leaves! Or something, I don’t really watch that show. And of course, since this is Judaism, there are varied interpretations of which principle trumps the other. Let’s start with our contestants, shall we?

#1 is 25, likes moonlight walks, and is looking for a man to understand her.

Wait, let’s start again.

#1 is called “nivul hamet” or “insult to the dead.” A dead person should be shown great respect, and we would never want to embarrass or dishonor him or her. For example, he or she is never left alone all the way until burial; there is always a living person sitting with the body. This may sound creepy but is an important mitzvah (commandment). If it is your loved one, it can even be comforting. Also part of this rule is making sure that all parts of the body are buried, this honors the person by making sure their remains are not unnecessarily mutilated. Similarly, the body is purified, prayers are said, and he or she is buried right away, usually within 24 hours.

#2 is called “pikuach nefesh” or “saving a life.” This is really the overarching principle of Judaism and almost nothing nullifies the obligation. For instance, if driving on the Sabbath, usually forbidden, could get someone to the hospital to get treatment for a life-threatening condition, it is permitted, and actually required.

You can probably see where I’m going here. But let’s start with a different question. My, I love questions! So, is an autopsy permitted? Cutting open a dead person is certainly a disrespect; have you never seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High? The answer is, sometimes. A routine autopsy is not permitted but one that would establish a cause of death that might help someone else live is OK. But an organ transplant is always done to heal a living person and therefore, most authorities would say it is not only all right, but should be encouraged.

Now, as with all things Jewish, it depends on who you’re asking. You, of course, are asking me and I would tell you that everyone should sign up to donate their organs and perpetuate life. But some Hassidic and other groups within Judaism argue that #1 is just as important and a dead person must be buried whole. Therefore, autopsies and organ harvesting are never allowed, according to them. Does your acquaintance typically wear long skirts, long sleeves, and a wig? If not, the cemetery she’ll most likely be buried in will gladly accept her and her money. I mean, her and her body.

Not to mention, there’s always a lot of talk about Jewish cemeteries not accepting people, it’s kinda weird. I’ve heard, “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if I have tattoos,” “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery since I intermarried,” “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if I commit suicide,” and now “I can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if I donate my organs.” Who knew that Jewish cemeteries were a tougher get than Harvard? Personally, I’ve never heard of this happening, maybe it’s a Jewish urban legend. Where’s JewSnopes when you need it? I can’t say with total authority that it never occurs (particularly the intermarriage one), but at the funerals I’ve been to, the dead person arrives in a plain wood coffin and is buried, spit spot. I’ve never seen anyone peek inside and make sure the body looks pristine.

And yes, when you see official personnel in Israel after a fatal event collecting human remains, this is why. They are mostly from an organization called Zaka, which does search and rescue, as well as this horrific task. In Judaism, making sure a person receives a proper burial and is treated with honor after life ends is considered one of the greatest things one can do, because there is no reward for it in this lifetime. It is called “chesed shel emet” or “true kindness.” My cousin told me once that she had served time on a committee at her synagogue that prepared and purified a person for burial. It was hard at first, but after a while it became routine. You could be called at a moment’s notice, too, even in the middle of the night, and you wore special garments. I was awed and impressed, but she is a truly kind person, so there you are.

Relatedly, no one really knows why klezmer is popular. Many grants have been funded to study this issue. I kid! Of course this is why klezmer is popular! Life is short, death is sad, let’s make music and dance!

Thanks for writing!

Elton John – Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Hey! What’s the most cliched thing a blogger can do? Besides gazing at her own navel? Publish a book, of course! I have been asked to put together a proposal for a Jew & A book. I know, how crazy/awesome is that! But the fact is, I don’t have enough questions. Without questions, there are no answers, my friends. So, in actuality, we’ll be writing a book. You and I. Except you won’t be paid. That’s a legal phrase that means, “you won’t be paid.” Especially if my proposal isn’t accepted. Then no one will be writing a book.

So! Please do think of some pressing questions about Judaism, Jews, Jewey things, etc. They don’t have to be PC, I am rarely offended except if you tell me these pants make my butt look big. But that’s not a question so I’m not concerned. You can send me questions in three ways:

1. Email me at becca (at) magicjewball (dot) com
2. Use this form (also under Pages on the right).
3. Put it in the comments.

Don’t forget, you may be published in a book but possibly not on the actual blog. Except if your question intrigues me so much I feel the need to answer it this second. Luckily, you’re all intriguing. I know this because I’m always intrigued that anyone would read this blog.

So thanks and don’t forget Becca’s favorite phrase, “don’t be afraid to ask!”*

*may or not be Becca’s actual favorite phrase.

Elvis Costello & The Attractions – Every Day I Write The Book

And now, for the promised explanation-rich Hannukah post, wherein I tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the holiday but were too busy putting up ornaments to ask.

Let’s start with some quick background before we get to the questions. Hannukah is an eight-day festival that celebrates the victory by a small band of Jews against larger Syrian-Greek forces who sought to conquer Israel in the 2nd century BCE. This is the popular history, and it’s accurate to a degree, but what isn’t usually discussed and what is vitally relevant to the struggles the Jews endure today, is that it wasn’t just a battle of military and territorial importance but also of spiritual and cultural hegemony. Not only did the foreign forces wish to bring the Jews over to their ways, but many Jews were already under the Hellenistic spell, and it was a victory over them as well. This is ironic in so many ways it would blow Alanis Morrisette’s mind.

When the invaders were gone, the temple in Jerusalem, which had been defiled, was rededicated. Sadly, there was only enough oil to light the menorah (menorahs were just the regular candelabras before Hannukah came along) for one day. But crazily, the oil lasted eight days! YaY, miracles!

So, the first question I received was from IrishCardinal and is actually several in one. I’ll begin there.
I’ve heard that Hanukkah, or however you wanna spell it, is a very minor holiday in the Jewish calendar. But since it’s close to Christmas, it has succumbed to a lot of hype and consumerism so as to compete with Christmas. You aren’t that old, Becca, but have you noticed a lot of changes in your lifetime in the way Hanukkah is marketed and celebrated? Like, do they sell big ugly sweaters with sequined menorahs and dreidels on them? I know for a fact they sell teddy bears that, if you press on their paw, they sing “I Have a Little Dreidel” and Stars of David on their feet light up.

Hahahahaha, that’s awesome. But I’m glad you worded your first lines that way because this is something that is a terribly large misconception, and understandably so. And it’s going to allow me to expound a lot on this topic and get up on my soapbox, so sorry about that! Not a lot of people, especially Jews, seem to know this, but you are absolutely correct, Hannukah is a minor holiday. How do we know this? It’s not in the Torah but arose in the period afterwards and we aren’t commanded by God to observe it. Thus, there aren’t the usual “holiday” rules about not working or using electricity, etc.

Christmas, as we all know, is the biggest Christian holiday there is. Coincidentally (or maybe not when you realize they’re probably both based on pagan Winter festivals), Christmas and Hannukah fall around the same time on the calendar. This has sort of turned Hannukah into something it is not. And what it has become, depending on how you look at it, is either “not Christmas, because I’m not Christian” or “Jewish Christmas.” I am not sure why this is so hard for many Jews to accept, but the Christians have Christmas and we don’t. There is no Jewish Christmas. There is Passover in the Spring and there is Rosh Hashanah in the Fall. But that’s as close as you’re going to get. There are no decorations except the menorah itself and that is supposed to be displayed prominently so as to “advertise” the miracle which happened to the Jews in their defeat of the enemy and having the oil last eight days.

Believe me, I understand the desire and hunger to do what everyone else is doing, to fit in, to belong, to put up fun decorations and get presents from Santa. But the answer is not to turn your holiday into someone else’s. That’s when you lose what is lovely and unique about your own. The other thing people do, and I’m more understanding of this, is to hold up Hannukah as an “I don’t celebrate Christmas!” shield. When I go to work and the lobby is decorated with a giant, fully decorated tree, with huge wreaths and red, green, and gold ribbon, and next to them is this little menorah, I get it. I get that what they are saying is, “we see you.” They know that not everyone celebrates Christmas and I appreciate that. I guess if you celebrate neither Christmas nor Hannukah you’re out of luck, though.

Recently, on a kitchen/decorating forum I have been going to (shut up!), people were showing off their Hannukah decorations. If you will, please imagine Christmas decorations except in blue and white (by the way, there are no Hannukah colors – blue and white are the colors of the Israeli flag and thus have become the de facto Hannukah colors). One person even had a Hannukah bush. This made me cringe. Show some pride! This is not your heritage; you have stolen someone else’s and passed it off. If you are so jealous of non-Jews, to my mind, just celebrate Christmas itself. Why go with an imitation?

This is the moment to remember the True Meaning of Hannukah. Ready? Drumroll…. we didn’t assimilate! Still want a Hannukah bush?

Personally, I love watching non-Jews celebrate Christmas. I love the trees and the lights and the magic and the movies and the music and the commercials and the spirit. I’m glad to be part of it as an observer.

This is not to say that Jewish holidays do not adjust to their surroundings. Originally, presents were not a Hannukah tradition, just gelt (more on that later). But, I’m not mad that we picked up this fine addition.

None of that was really for you, Irish. But you did have a question in there, didn’t you? Ooops. Anyway! Thank you for calling me not old. I almost missed that. I honestly do not see any more Hannukah marketing than there used to be but it may be because I have almost always lived in Jewish areas where it’s heavily marketed already. Thank God, no light up sweaters yet. The teddy bear sounds OK. I’ll take three.

I also think Hannukah is less prone to consumerism because before any presents are given, you light the menorah, say blessings, and sing hymns. So the spiritual is part and parcel of each evening.

Oh, and as for the spelling! There are many acceptable spellings since the Hebrew alphabet doesn’t always have corresponding letters in English. Hannukah comes from the word for dedication since the Temple was rededicated after its defilement. Thanks for letting me use your question for my own agenda! You’re a good sport. Unlike that Jonathan Papelbon.

Average Jane asks:
If it is truly our holiday that is the festival of lights, why didn’t we jump on that pretty-twinkly-light phenomenon way before Santa got his hands on them? Sooooo pretty. Sooooo twinkly.

So true. It is the Festival of Lights. We totally should have. However, I do love picking out the colors of candles each night. The first night that I have to repeat colors is such a drag. One year I’m going to find a box with enough colors to have nine different ones.

JennyPA asks:
What’s the significance of Hanukkah gelt and how did it turn into chocolate?

Gelt (Yiddish for money) is pocket change that it is traditional to give to children on Hannukah. One explanation is that it was a kind of bribe/reward to re-educate them in Judaism after the period of foreign influence. Another explanation is that it was the original alternative to gifts that non-Jewish neighbors gave to their children. Either way, the chocolate version is a modern invention and quite a delicious one, boy howdy.

Alex asks:
I think that this year, Christmas is on the 28th of Kislev. Why does it keep moving around?

Oh, Alex. You’re such a kidder. As everyone knows, the Jewish calendar is a lunar one which is why things fall differently on the secular schedule year to year. This year, of course, Hannukah begins at sunset on December 21st. As always, it also falls on 25 Kislev on the Jewish calendar. Christmas falls on “Jewish Family Day” or so my Yeshiva calendar used to call December 25th.

Sam asks:
Do I have to get the Jews in my life a present for each day, or can I get them each one present and bestow it on any day within the eight day window?

Have no fear! As I mentioned, presents are a recent innovation to the Hannukah celebration. So the answer is, everyone does it their own way. In my house growing up, each night was different. One night was “uncles & aunts night,” one was “grandparents night,” one was “book night,” one was “tchotchke night,” etc. But, unless you’re a member of the Kushner family or something, you probably end up with the same number and value of presents per capita as Christmas-celebrators do, just spread out. So, my answer would be, you can either get them eight small gifts, one on each night, or one regular gift given on any day in the eight day period.

Thanks for asking, everyone! Personally, I am hoping for a Law & Order DVD set after my hymn-singing. Also, world peace. In no particular order.

Styx – Lights