Magic Jewball

I wish I could type you the rest of that joke but I fear offending several nationalities. Ask Sarpon. But for the time being I’ll just use it in the Simpsons sense, even though you’ll probably make the same joke once you watch the video. Shame on you, you stereotyper! I bet you also think that Americans are fat and Jews are good with money.

Anyway, by popular demand (really, several people asked), here is the bit of video that goes with the last screenshot in the previous post. Segments like these are what make this show so much fun to watch although it’s probably not a good thing that I have no idea who sits on the US cabinet but yet I could pick Rachida Dati and Bernard Kouchner out of a line-up (I’m still waiting for them to explain how a French politician got a name like Jack Lang but whatever). Oh, and that last shot is the weekday anchor, David Pujadas. He’s not as much my cup of tea, but he still brings in the funny sometimes.

I don’t know why but I could watch this clip all day. I never see that carp coming. Calm down, Alain, you’re going to knock yourself out and you know, then the fish win.

As I told Kay in a comment on her blog, I watch the news from France2 each night because, as you will recall, I’m too lazy to do my French lessons. It’s both a blessing and a curse that it’s not actually translated word-for-word but rather summarized for you in a terse subtitle. Even I with my sad-ass French can hear things spoken that aren’t being written. But sometimes that helps me figure things out for myself and enables me to use my swear-word-rich vocabulary to hurl epithets at the translators. But I digress. Here was a fun piece the other day about a breed of carp which have overpopulated the Mississippi. It’s sad, really, because the fishermen don’t know what to do with all them carp. But have no fear! There is a market. Here’s our reporter with the story, as my favorite anchor, twinkly-eyed weekend guy Laurent Delahousse (above), would say. Except more French.

Golly, then who will buy all these fish?

Oh right, the Chinese. They’re weird. Anyone else?

Oh yes, the vast Jewish gefilte fish market! Why, we eat that at every meal! “Thank God the Jews have such an insatiable palate for gefilte fish,” said the fishermen. “We’re saved!” But we know that Americans don’t like carp. So I guess Jews aren’t American. Or maybe they mean French Jews. I’m sure they’re just jonesing for new sources of carp.

OK, I admit it, this is the real reason I watch this show. You just don’t get enthusiastic on-location segments like this in America outside of hurricane season.

Here’s a little something for Kay and everyone else frustrated with Versus pronunciation: Audio Sound File.

Kraftwerk - Tour De France

I haven’t concentrated enough on Brit-land, despite the Wimbledon goodness going on there, I know. Maybe it’s because it’s rained about 75% of the time. Maybe it’s because non-sporting events in Great Britain at the moment aren’t as light-hearted as my posts are usually toned, and I’m not talking about the Concert For Diana. But it wouldn’t be fair to the French and Australians if I didn’t turn my eye on the limeys our motherland, so here goes.

Dear Brits,

It looks like Whole Foods is opening in England! Bully for you! I’m going to parse the meaning of this article in the Telegraph about it and give you the real scoop on Whole Paycheck.

A grocery chain that has conquered the United States by selling ethical organic food without packaging will gain a foothold in Britain today.
Lies, all lies. Plenty of food at WF does, in fact, come in packages. Heh. She said packages.

Ostrich eggs, Incan berries and 21 varieties of tomatoes compete for shoppers’ attention alongside £80 bottles of Chateau Ducru-Beaucaillou, 2001 vintage wine.
Forget this! Eggplant will run you £80! Bring credit cards.

A humidified cheese room keeps fresh the rounds of Beaufort, while downstairs customers peer through windows as staff make sausages.
Is this true? We don’t have this at our WF. Anyone? I’ve watched them make sushi but it’s kind of like watching the people at Ford turn out SUV’s.

Karin Gilles, a mother, who lives 200 yards away said: “I am sure I will pop in here once a month. But would I do my weekly food shop? It comes down to price. If it is any more expensive than Waitrose, then it’s unlikely.”
I’ve never been to Waitrose, Karin, but I’m going to say unequivocally, yes. But it all looks so good, that’s the problem. Two hundred yards away, you say? Oh, you’re in big trouble.

Most of its star products, especially the meat, are more expensive than from any rival. A whole organic chicken is more than £2 more expensive than in Tesco, for instance. However, it sells a range of goods that beats not just Waitrose, but also Tesco.
This is true. It’s a little-known fact that at least one out of every 25 products at WF is cheaper than at other stores. Best of luck finding it!

Part of Whole Foods’ secret is its lack of packaging. Couscous is dispensed from a large jar into plastic tubs, which customers are encouraged to bring back. They can also buy apples without shrink-wrap.
Wait, hold up, you don’t have this in the UK? There’s no “dispense yourself, weigh & pay” sort of thing? And apples only come in plastic? I don’t really believe this. Does the Telegraph actually grocery shop?

But only today will it know whether they are interested in ostrich eggs at £12.99.
Enough with the ostrich eggs! People actually do buy other things there, you know. Why, just last week I took a mortgage on my apartment and bought a container of blueberries. You heard me, it was in a package.

But this is all OK, it looks like you guys are returning the favor! Tesco is coming here! Of course, it will be called “Fresh and Easy” to appeal to the American market. After all, we are nothing if not fresh & easy.

Cheers!
Becca

PS, take your time with responding, we will be off for Independence Day.

The Soup Dragons - Whole Wide World

I don’t think I could really say more than that. What a happy fortnight this will be for me and not just because it’s the only time of the year I get to use the word “fortnight.” Yes, now I’ll be focusing on the Brits for two weeks. Lookout, Brits! I already know your language. Kind of. And I know where you live! The UK.

Anyway, it’s 8am in New York, 1pm in London, time for the very first match, so let’s get into the spirit, shall we? Except YouTube kept sticking blue blotches through this and so I had to host it myself. If you don’t have Quicktime, alas. That’s British for “alas.” Rather.

8:05am, latebreaking update: rain delay. I’m shocked, just shocked.

Today was a great day for the state of Israel and the Jewish people. My head is still spinning from the convergence of fantastic events. As you’ve come to expect from me, I will proceed to list them for you in a highly numerical format.

1. Lag B’Omer

The period between Passover and Shavu’ot is a solemn one in the Jewish calendar and is called the Omer (it’s also counted in a highly numerical format, as I have pointed out before by linking to the fabulous “Simpsons Counting the hOmer” site). There is, however, a break on the 33rd day when a plague ended. When I went to yeshiva, this day was celebrated by having outdoor sports contests which I never won. Let’s never speak of it again.

JVibe’s Counting the hOmer

2. Salute to Israel Parade

Down 5th Avenue in NY. I couldn’t make it this year, but you can always enjoy my fun pictures from last year.

Last year’s parade

3. My cousin has a baby boy

In Israel!

4. Sarkozy elected president of France

Likes Israel! (Might be good for France too, but this isn’t my topic today.)

Members of Knesset in Jerusalem welcome Sarkozy victory

5. Roger Clemens returns to Yankees

I know this is a stretch but I’m sure it benefits the Jews and Israel in some way. You’ll have to trust me on this. Hey, it’s benefited me and I’m Jewish!

Officially, I’m most excited about #3 but just between you and me, blogreaders, it’s #5 all the way. Shhh.

“This is the way I hold my hand to carry my big sack of money”

John Sebastian - Welcome Back (Theme from Welcome Back, Kotter)