Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Goodbye China, hello Queens

Filed under : International,Meta/Blognews,Sports
On August 25, 2008
At 10:00 pm
Comments : 3

And now, your upcoming schedule. I realize I’ve missed the iPod Song of the Week for three weeks (I might be the only one who has missed it but that’s another story) and I’ve actually had one in mind. Maybe it will really get done next Sunday.

In the meantime, this is my favorite week of the year and, as well, the week that this becomes a tennis blog and/or a test of your patience. Our schedule for this US Open Week is:

Tuesday: Pious B, Brother B, and Sister-in-Law2. There is no Sister-in-Law1. Should you be interested in the position, please contact me privately.
Wednesday: Alfa
Thursday: Becca’s Dad, Brother1, possibly Brother2.
Friday: Becca’s Dad, Brother2

As you thankfully noticed, I did not make my annual “buy my extra tickets!” pitch and as I thankfully noticed, I didn’t have to run around Manhattan meeting Craigslist contacts. Mr. Deas was the final purchaser. YaY!

There will be many pictures of expensive tennis stars, expensive food, and other fun things, so stick around, you can still like tennis writing even if you don’t like tennis. It’s unlikely but possible. If you are lucky enough to be attending, please enjoy my oldie-but-goody Guide to Attending the US Open. The only thing that’s changed, as far as I know, is that backpacks are now allowed in, but have a size restriction. Check for details on that.

Your last non-tennis post will be tomorrow, a Jew&A question, and after that it’s burn, baby, burn. I’m talking about my skin, naturally.

Finally, I really do miss the Olympics. Gosh that was fun, wasn’t it? I wish they’d have the Olympics every other year. But I did want to pass along to my British friends, and everyone knows the UK is one of my favorite spots on earth (my Facebook “places I’ve visited” application says so, so it must be true), a little consolation after your closing ceremonies… artistry. Now you understand what it’s like to be humiliated in front of the entire world by your government. I feel your pain.

By the way, at the festivities in London to celebrate the hand-off (finally, something being handed off from China to Britain), when Michael Phelps got on the podium, you should know that they played the same song I used in my post congratulating him, Spandau Ballet’s Gold. Copy-cats.

Wouldn’t this be an awesome place for The Beatles’ Hello Goodbye? I’m sure Paul and Ringo will have that worked out with the online music services before we’re all dead.


Widget watch – episode 9

Filed under : International,The Internets
On February 25, 2008
At 11:00 pm
Comments : 7

So it’s come to this. I’m so busy with stuff that I can’t write an essay about said stuff I am busy with. But I will! In the meantime, why don’t you learn English? I was hoping for nappy but, you know, I’m pretty chuffed about this one as well.

So, entertained? Educated? No, me either.


This one’s for the toque wearers

Filed under : International,Life in general
On December 26, 2007
At 10:30 pm
Comments : 5

Happy Boxing Day, my Northern friends! I spent mine braving the suburban mall with Alfa to acquire what the Build-A-Bear people inform me is my “new #1 pal.” So screw the rest of you! Anyway, here is my tribute to America’s Hat and your national pastime. Pretty cool, eh?

He looks sad because he is aware of the Rangers’ record.

I hope you had a happy Christmas, or as they call it there, “Jesus Night in Canada.”

The Zambonis – Hockey Holidays (xmas ice)


More scenes from the French neeeeewwwwws

Filed under : International,News
On November 30, 2007
At 12:15 am
Comments : 4

Sorry, but I need you to say it in that announcer-y voice. Anyway, it’s Friday, it’s November-almost-December, it’s gray, and all my sports are out of season. So it’s time for another edition of this, this time with no video, just this handy still from a story on new Parisian spas (I don’t know about the pink tint, I think it’s the lighting in the spa). I tried to caption it, I really did, but it only makes my head explode. It’s not just the statement but the glow in the spa-lady’s eyes. So, I will just share it with you as is. Have a good weekend, everyone!


Breaking: things have changed a little since 2001

Filed under : America,International,TV
On September 14, 2007
At 3:00 am
Comments : 3

As promised, here’s my special “written in advance” post. I know I said that I didn’t really know what to write on 9/11 but I did just want to comment a little about this fascinating PBS special. I am one of those freak documentary lovers who doesn’t shy away from using the words “fascinating” and “PBS” in the same sentence. And especially when I’m about to jet off to Europe in less than two weeks (with absolutely no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, God help me) I thought this’d be a fun topic.

Hey, remember this? It felt good to be loved. America loved New York, Europe loved America, kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya.

Well, according to this program, it isn’t really like this anymore. Who knew? It was called “The Anti-Americans (a love/hate relationship)” and canvassed the people of three representative European nations to see how they think of us these days. I imagine you just have no idea how it went. Let’s see!

Here’s a lady in France. She’s OK with New York.

Not so much on the rest of the US. Wow, it’s exciting to hear that there’s no racism in New York… or France!

Here’s a drawing a French child did when asked what came to mind when he thought of the US. He was wearing a Gap sweatshirt.

Moving right along! How was your trip to the States, nice Polish woman?

(as an aside, aren’t most people in Chicago Polish?)

This didn’t get a subtitle, because we’re in England now, and we’re supposed to be able to understand. This is a sophisticated dinner party where the gentleman on the right bemoans Americans’ self-involvement and his quote as to our imagined headline is, “International news: American man run over in Frankfurt.” Great peals of laughter from all the other guests follow.

But I don’t want to leave you with the impression that no one likes us. In fact, the Poles all seemed to like us a lot, no matter how fat we are, and the thing the program would have us believe concerns the Poles the most about Americans is that we require them to have a visa to enter the US. I am going to transcribe the text to the following video, but I highly encourage you to watch it because this guy is a natural-born comedian and the way he phrases everything was worth the price of admission. Which is nothing, because I forgot to contribute to the PBS pledge drive this year.

Those French dicks, that hate you, they go to America whenever they please. They don’t have to show no visa, they don’t have to pay for the visa, they just show their French passport – that hates you, the passport hates you! – and they enter. And they can stay 90 days, 60 days. I have to apply for the visa. I have to queue. I have to pay like hundred dollars. To get it, or to lose my hundred dollars, because some red tape and they tell me no. So French don’t fight with you in Iraq, they don’t give you their hearts, but they get the visas, free access to America. We give you everything (sniffs) and we not getting anything in return. We like a woman who you beat.

Hey, I’d sponsor this guy. He needs a place on TV, if only for that shirt. But it did make me wish I was vacationing in Poland. I’m sure it’s just as pretty as Greece. Right? Right? But here’s the truth, Zybigniew. You’re going about this all wrong. See, the more you hate us, the more we like and admire you and want to be your friend. We like a puppy who you beat.

Razorlight – America