Magic Jewball

So it’s come to this. I’m so busy with stuff that I can’t write an essay about said stuff I am busy with. But I will! In the meantime, why don’t you learn English? I was hoping for nappy but, you know, I’m pretty chuffed about this one as well.

So, entertained? Educated? No, me either.

Happy Boxing Day, my Northern friends! I spent mine braving the suburban mall with Alfa to acquire what the Build-A-Bear people inform me is my “new #1 pal.” So screw the rest of you! Anyway, here is my tribute to America’s Hat and your national pastime. Pretty cool, eh?

He looks sad because he is aware of the Rangers’ record.

I hope you had a happy Christmas, or as they call it there, “Jesus Night in Canada.”

The Zambonis - Hockey Holidays (xmas ice)

Sorry, but I need you to say it in that announcer-y voice. Anyway, it’s Friday, it’s November-almost-December, it’s gray, and all my sports are out of season. So it’s time for another edition of this, this time with no video, just this handy still from a story on new Parisian spas (I don’t know about the pink tint, I think it’s the lighting in the spa). I tried to caption it, I really did, but it only makes my head explode. It’s not just the statement but the glow in the spa-lady’s eyes. So, I will just share it with you as is. Have a good weekend, everyone!

As promised, here’s my special “written in advance” post. I know I said that I didn’t really know what to write on 9/11 but I did just want to comment a little about this fascinating PBS special. I am one of those freak documentary lovers who doesn’t shy away from using the words “fascinating” and “PBS” in the same sentence. And especially when I’m about to jet off to Europe in less than two weeks (with absolutely no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, God help me) I thought this’d be a fun topic.

Hey, remember this? It felt good to be loved. America loved New York, Europe loved America, kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya.

Well, according to this program, it isn’t really like this anymore. Who knew? It was called “The Anti-Americans (a love/hate relationship)” and canvassed the people of three representative European nations to see how they think of us these days. I imagine you just have no idea how it went. Let’s see!

Here’s a lady in France. She’s OK with New York.

Not so much on the rest of the US. Wow, it’s exciting to hear that there’s no racism in New York… or France!

Here’s a drawing a French child did when asked what came to mind when he thought of the US. He was wearing a Gap sweatshirt.

Moving right along! How was your trip to the States, nice Polish woman?

(as an aside, aren’t most people in Chicago Polish?)

This didn’t get a subtitle, because we’re in England now, and we’re supposed to be able to understand. This is a sophisticated dinner party where the gentleman on the right bemoans Americans’ self-involvement and his quote as to our imagined headline is, “International news: American man run over in Frankfurt.” Great peals of laughter from all the other guests follow.

But I don’t want to leave you with the impression that no one likes us. In fact, the Poles all seemed to like us a lot, no matter how fat we are, and the thing the program would have us believe concerns the Poles the most about Americans is that we require them to have a visa to enter the US. I am going to transcribe the text to the following video, but I highly encourage you to watch it because this guy is a natural-born comedian and the way he phrases everything was worth the price of admission. Which is nothing, because I forgot to contribute to the PBS pledge drive this year.

Those French dicks, that hate you, they go to America whenever they please. They don’t have to show no visa, they don’t have to pay for the visa, they just show their French passport - that hates you, the passport hates you! - and they enter. And they can stay 90 days, 60 days. I have to apply for the visa. I have to queue. I have to pay like hundred dollars. To get it, or to lose my hundred dollars, because some red tape and they tell me no. So French don’t fight with you in Iraq, they don’t give you their hearts, but they get the visas, free access to America. We give you everything (sniffs) and we not getting anything in return. We like a woman who you beat.

Hey, I’d sponsor this guy. He needs a place on TV, if only for that shirt. But it did make me wish I was vacationing in Poland. I’m sure it’s just as pretty as Greece. Right? Right? But here’s the truth, Zybigniew. You’re going about this all wrong. See, the more you hate us, the more we like and admire you and want to be your friend. We like a puppy who you beat.

Razorlight - America

I didn’t have time for iPod Song of the Week this week. Make up your own! Hum it in your head! Sing it out loud and make people slap you!*

*J-Ball Management not responsible for people getting slapped. Especially after the event detailed below.

This post was meant for our Friday light post but as you can see, I got too busy to even hit the “publish” button. Oops. But now you can enjoy these items from last week’s International papers as you sip your coffee this morning instead.

From the London Daily Telegraph:
Wham! fan fined for Christmas revel in May

A fan of the 1980s pop band Wham! tormented neighbours by playing their hit song Last Christmas all night. Brian Turner repeatedly played the song at full volume from 1am onwards one night in May this year. Now he has been silenced after becoming the first noise nuisance to be prosecuted by Newcastle city council’s night watch team. Magistrates fined Turner, of Sandyford, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, £200 and ordered him to pay £215 costs.

Gosforth magistrates were told that he was visiting friends in a nearby flat in the suburb of Walker on May 15 when he began playing the Christmas single, to the annoyance of the residents. He played the hit by George Michael, whose hits with Wham! included Bad Boys and Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, relentlessly from 1am to 4am. Finally a neighbour snapped and called in the council noise squad, who eventually gave residents some peace by seizing the stereo.

Becca’s commentary: wake me up before you go go, then I shoot you for driving me batty.

From Le Monde:
Les cambrioleurs et la tentation du pot de Nutella
(The Burglars and the Temptation of the Jar of Nutella)

Don’t make me translate the whole article, especially the parts I had trouble with. But basically, the cops are patrolling in the wee hours and they see a couple of suspicious looking teens so they stop them and search their bags (no warrant needed in France I guess).

…the police officers discover a portable computer, a digital camera, two mobile telephones, a pack of cigarettes and… a jar of Nutella. Objects which the two teenagers have just stolen from a house a few minutes earlier.

Yes, while they were swiping the valuables, the two burglars, 15 and 16 years old, couldn’t resist the lure of Nutella. Who hasn’t been in that situation?

Becca’s commentary: as they said in the Godfather, leave the computer, take the Nutella.

Actually, a thief in Beit Shemesh, Israel, where my cousins used to live had an M.O. of stealing your valuables plus any fruit you had laying around the kitchen. He especially liked bananas.

Speaking of laughter, feel free to check out my new page which details the songs I have purchased on iTunes. It’s over there in the box with Pages on the upper right (you could have guessed that, I know). I reserve the right to take down this feature should my purchases get even more embarrassing. It’s a widget. Yes, I broke down and added a widget.

Wham! - Last Christmas