Magic Jewball

I know, I’m slacking off after a good run there of “several posts a day.” Life got busy and there’s no minimum posting law enacted yet. But seeing as how I won’t really get to one for a bit, here’s something fun to tide you over until then.

From the folks at iPhone New York, this is a lovely look at New York albeit another jump on the Peter Bjorn and John “Young Folks” train.

Yeah, I’ve had my MacBook Pro less than three months and it’s already giving me agita. Tonight it wouldn’t start up. I mean, you could hear things going on but the screen stayed stubbornly black. It was almost worse than nothing happening at all. “Something’s happening in there! Show me! What’s going onnnnnnnn……..??????”

In the process of trying to troubleshoot I got a CD stuck in there too. Nice going, Becca. So I decided to hand it over to the professionals. I got a geeky sounding guy with such a thick Canadian accent that I almost asked him the score in the Saskatoon Blades game. The conversation went like this.

Apple Guy: So with the computer turned off, press P,R, Command, and Option at the same time then press power, keep holding power till you hear two chimes.
Me: So I’m pressing five keys at the same time? With human hands?
AG: No, you push P, R, Command, and Option, then the power button.
Me: But how will the computer register this if I’m not pressing power simultaneously? I think you mean I need to press all five.
AG repeats word for word what he previously said.
Me: OK, but the power button is pretty far away. I’m not sure this is possible. Have you played Twister at all?
AG: Maybe you should put the phone down.
I try, it is just possible. I almost have to use my elbow.
Me: OK, but I don’t hear any chimes.
LOUD sustained beep sounds.
Me: Well, if you want to call that a chime.
AG: Is it starting?
The Apple logo pops up, my desktop screen appears in seconds as if nothing had happened, and the CD ejects.
Me: God bless y-
I rethink if that’s politically correct and somehow in my confusion it comes out as “God bless America.” I have no idea how, as I never actually say that in normal, everyday speech.
AG: I’m Canadian.
Me: I meant North America.

Oh dear. At least my computer works.

Bob & Doug McKenzie - Take Off

I hear that Guy in that white House gave some sort of speech but I thankfully wasn’t around to hear it; I’m sure some more political blogs will be talking about that. Instead, let’s do some updating. I know no one has been able to sleep at night wondering how some of these things turned out. I’ll go backwards.

1. Snow - Yeah, that didn’t last too long. Next!

2. Gas - I don’t think they ever figured that out. That inspires a lot of confidence in me.

3. Unseasonable weather - is supposed to be back this weekend. I got to wear my cute hat for precisely two days.

4. Flavor of Love spinoff - disappointing, but I’ll keep watching.

5. Sleep schedule - finally back to normal. I guess humankind was meant to sleep at night after all. Luckily I have another vacation Monday (thanks, Martin Luther King, Jr.!) so there’s ample chance to fuck it up all over again.

6. MacBook - I know, you have to go back a couple of weeks for this but I did decide to keep it. Sure, the fonts are a bit fuzzy and I don’t understand the half of it but I will, just wait and see. I will not, however, be buying a $600 iPhone. Sure, I carry four gadgets (a phone, a Blackberry, an iPod, and a camera) with me most of the time but each thing does what it does very well. And Steve Jobs got all my money last month anyway.

Thanks for voting! It seems I’m going to Paris. Now as soon as one of you plans the trip for me, I’ll be off. Don’t forget to get my refunds from Amtrak and JetBlue, thanks. Because quite frankly, enough of my money is tied up in rebates for my Blackberry. It’s one of those things that cost $300 up front with 45 refunds that make it free….eventually. See, before I even submit them I first have to wait till my contract goes two months because the site I bought it from won’t take my word for it that I’m in love with this thing and won’t ever give it up, even if they have to pry it out of my cold dead hands.

It all started when I was sitting next to my brother at the US Open and right there in the great outdoors of the National Tennis Center he was able to check his e-mail, see scores from other courts, and - here’s the kicker - read the very site you are on now. I knew I had to have one.

I know lots of people want to have a break from their e-mail and maybe even the web, but I am not among these people. Maybe it’s because I haven’t set it up to read my work e-mail, just my 90 other e-mail accounts. But think of it. You know how you’re in a movie and you can’t place the actor? Imdb.com is in your pocket. Sports scores all the time. Ability to delete comments from the site you are on now. Not that I’ve ever had to do that, luckily, you guys being so nice and thoughtful. But having the Internet at all times is a dream come true. If you have odd dreams like I do.

Plus, people suddenly think you are treating them like a VIP. I was away from my computer and in the midst of some important activity, but I took time to answer your e-mail. And you know that because it automatically gets added to the bottom of every e-mail. Sent via Crackberry. Oooooh. Ahhhhhh.

I haven’t yet decided whether I will drive Jane crazy in Paris with my Blackberrying or if maybe instead she’ll knock me down and grab it so that she can check her own e-mail. Because this thing works all over the world, did I mention? Let other people spend their Euros at Internet cafes.

And of course now when I e-mail the rebate people to tell them it’s been six months and I’m still awaiting my check, it’ll be sent via Crackberry, ooooh, aaaaaah.

Yes, yes, I know this post was crap but I had 5 hours of sleep, I’m leading a life so crazy that a reality TV crew should be following me around, and there are three more holidays this month. I suppose I should have written about all that. Oops, too late.

Kraftwerk – Pocket Calculator

Well, my cell phone is dead. Moment of silence for my cell phone. Not too long, though. Make it like the moment of silence that Bob Sheppard calls for “our servicemen and women stationed around the globe” in the seventh inning stretch at Yankee Stadium. That is, like 4 seconds.

See, I’m not wedded to this thing as many of you are. Oh, I love pocket-sized electronic devices, that’s for sure. Sometimes I pile my cell phone on top of my iPod on top of my PDA and admire the layer cake of gadgets that I carry around. But I don’t talk much on my cell phone. First off, I am either at work or at home for 95% of my day and my landline service is far clearer. Second, half of that other 5% is made up of subway riding where there is no service. (Thank God. Can you imagine? “Yeah, I’m on the uptown B, where you at?” for miles and miles.) Here, I included a handy graph. It’s a little blurry, but you get the idea.

Here’s the key in case you don’t have 20/5 vision.

Work 65%
Home 30%
Subway 2.5%
Walking someplace V. important 1%
In the bowels of the Time Warner Center 1%
Misc. stupidity .5%

Of course, there’s much overlap between “Work” and “Misc. stupidity” but my graphing capability is limited.

But mostly, I have an old fashioned sense of propriety about phone conversations that irritates most people I know to no end. You know that behavior you have that you feel certain that your friends joke about when you’re not around? I’m sure I have several but I know this is one. I just don’t chat on cell phones. For one thing, I’m quite private and I don’t like to be yelling, “What do you mean he’s cheating on you?” at Starbucks. Once, the woman in front of me on line at the Food Emporium was having an entire, matter-of-fact, conversation on her cell phone about how her doctor had told her she couldn’t have children. Holy crap, how am I supposed to just watch my groceries slide across the belt and then go on with my day after that?

Even if I’m at home, I get annoyed if you call me from your cell phone. If you have no landline, that’s OK. But if you do, and you still chose to call me from waiting on line to get into “The Da Vinci Code,” well, how important am I supposed to feel? I guess the time you have at home is just too valuable to waste on little old me. And if I want to tell you something meaningful, “Hey, I’m really depressed,” or whatever, do I want you saying, “What? Can you repeat that?” every three seconds while I know you are simultaneously surrounded by a horde of strangers?

So, I rarely use mine. But that’s OK, it calculates tips and has a flashlight. I have Virgin Mobile which is pay-as-you-go and I pay essentially $5 a month. I almost never use it up. The Olympic moment for my cell phone is at the US Open in August/September when my family and I use our phones all day to say things like, “What match are you at? Should I come over? Is it a blowout? No, come here, it’s going into the fifth set and all the Chilean fans are going crazy!” We should really learn to text because, if you’ve ever been to the US Open, you know that people will give you the Stare of Death if you take a phone call while points are being played. That leads to a hastily whispered, “Court 12, on serve…call you right back. Bring ice cream.”

And so, I do need one. Sadly, at Virgin Mobile, part of the a la carte experience is not getting a free phone. So I will now have to shell out for either a “clamshell” or straight up model. I just need to make sure it has a good flashlight.

Yeah, I could have gone with either Hanging on the Telephone or Call Me (which my mother used to add several extra any’s to when she sang it: “Call me any any any any any time…..”) by Blondie. But that would have been too easy. I really wanted “Telephone Operator” by Pete Shelley but it’s not available on Napster. So let’s go with this gem from the early ‘90’s.

Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand