Magic Jewball

Do you live in New York? Do you love me? Do you love money? Most importantly, do you have one extra Deftones ticket?

For personal reasons which cannot be explained, I am in desperate need of going to the show next week, 12/5 at the Nokia Theatre. No, none of my connections have come through. I will pay, well, not anything, but something. Something decent.

Yes, I’ve tried Craigslist and eBay. Yes, I will stand outside forlornly on the day of the show (it worked last time!). But in the meantime…..help!

I know I said I was going to Paris for vacation but actually, I’m sort of on vacation now. It’s hard to explain and thus I won’t. Because I’m lazy! And private! But let’s go back to that first lazy one. Since you’ve all been leaving such fabulous sukkah comments and Celia was right that you need a new topic, here’s one for you so you can all be my guest bloggers. Please tell me a humorous vacation story. Non-humorous vacation stories are not encouraged, but since I don’t know where you live I can hardly track you down and reprimand you personally.

Also, should you have no vacation stories at all, just tell me anything. Remember, J-Ball readers are counting on you for new content. OK, they should have been counting on me, but I’m just going out and admitting right now I’m letting you down. Yes, yes, I suck. Be sure to tell me so humorously in a comment.

No song today due to laziness and/or vacation. Instead, please enjoy this adorable yet non-topical photo of a baby holding onto a subway pole which I’ve dug out of the archives.

I’ll be away from all computers today. But I’d like to point your attention to a new page I set up. It’s here.

And I won’t be doing this often but this song isn’t on Napster. Instead, you can listen right here. Click the right arrow to play.

Lyrics to this song are here.

I have a feeling I should never post again, that I can’t top the popularity of my Steph post or maybe even that my readers are all dead from competing to be Reader of the Month. It’s shocking what people will do to appear on the Internet in a Preakness hat.

But more than that, I haven’t felt especially funny this week and my mission is to keep you all entertained so that you forget all your troubles. Especially because that will keep you from telling me about them.

So as a stopgap measure, I’ve decided to just play this fun game. What is the similarity between these two songs? You’ll never get it, so to prevent you from pulling out your hair, the answer’s all the way at the bottom! Good luck and there are no prizes except smug self-satisfaction.

The English Beat - Save It For Later

Deftones - Mascara

In the meantime, while you’re listening to these ditties and pondering, I invite you to submit questions for a fun new feature. Today is Mother’s Day and in memory of my mother, a Jewish educator in every fiber of her being, Tuesday’s post will be “Judaism Q&A with Becca!” Now, don’t be shy. I know you’ve been wondering about all kinds of things such as:

“Can you use the toilet on your Sabbath?”
“If there’s no Hell, what keeps you from killing Simon Cowell?”
“What makes food Kosher? Is it special sauce?”

So, you can either e-mail me at magicjewball@verizon.net or leave a comment which I will then not post (this way, we can keep the questions under wraps until the big day). Don’t worry, I won’t post your name no matter how crazy your question! No, no, I take that back, my mother would want me to tell you, there are no crazy questions, just crazy people. So get those burning questions in by, oh, 6pm Eastern on Tuesday.

OK, ready for the answer?

It’s this. Both songs have a sentence that completes after a beat to add a totally different meaning.

In Save It For Later:
Just hold my hand while I come
(pause)
To a decision on it.

Oooh, dirty….not. But even more cleverly, in Mascara:

It’s too bad you’re married
(pause)
To me.

Oh, Chino Moreno, you so crazy!