Magic Jewball

Bakery is closed! Thanks so much to everyone who donated – you raised $200 for Doctors Without Borders. And soon, if the USPS actually understands what “Priority Mail” is supposed to mean, rugelach will be spanning the globe. And I mean globe the same way Major League Baseball understands “World” in the phrase “World Series.”

That’s a lot of dough!

Maybe we’ll do this again next year. Or sooner but with easier cookies.

Supertramp – Give A Little Bit

My, the pictures in the last post looked good. You could practically taste them. If only you had the time or the inclination to make rugelach. Or you lived above Zabar’s. Or you knew me. Yes, I will be willing to make you a batch of rugelach (about 40-45) for a small donation to my favorite charity, Doctors Without Borders. And shipping. No handling. What the fuck does handling mean anyway? I don’t really want my stuff handled. So! Let’s have a FAQ, shall we? Faqtastic.

But Becca, I thought they were so labor intensive?
They are. Indeed. But I am off all next week. And did I mention? I won’t be in London. I will be right here.

What’s Doctors Without Borders?
To quote them, Doctors Without Borders/Médecins Sans Frontières is an independent international medical humanitarian organization that delivers emergency aid to people affected by armed conflict, epidemics, natural or man-made disasters, or exclusion from health care in more than 70 countries.

To quote me, they are completely non-political and help poor and needy people who need healthcare all around the world.

You can read more here.

Who pays for the ingredients? Who pays for the shipping?
I pay for the ingredients. That’s my donation. And it isn’t even tax-deductible! You pay the shipping. That isn’t tax deductible either.

Shipping will be via USPS priority mail, otherwise they will be stale. If you want to pay for faster, be my guest. You can calculate your shipping here:

http://postcalc.usps.gov/

It will be about 1.5 pounds in a package from 10025. The average seems to be $6-$7.

But I don’t want you to know where I live.
Unless you would like to meet me on the west side of Manhattan, you will have to give me an address to ship to, sorry.

So how much of a donation?
Whatever you feel comfortable with. Let’s say, minimum $15. This part is tax-deductible.

I don’t like raspberry. Can you make another flavor?
Sure, anything they sell in jelly. Preserves don’t work. I hear apricot is good but I don’t like apricot. It’s my understanding that there are different strokes for different folks, though.

I’m allergic to nuts. Are you nuts?
Yes, I am. But the rugelach have no nuts. Or eggs. They do have wheat and milk, though. If this matters to you, they are suitable for vegetarians and are kosher-dairy. If it doesn’t matter to you, they are still suitable for vegetarians and kosher-dairy.

How many calories?
It’s for charity!

What’s your deadline? I mean, what if I want them in January? I have a lot of cookies in my world right now.
I’d like to be done by New Year’s But I can’t say how busy I’ll be later on; maybe we can work something out.

How do I pay?
I have a charity page set up at firstgiving and it all goes through them. It’s a secure website and you will get proof of your donation for tax purposes. They’re slow on FireFox, though, sorry about that.

Shipping goes directly to me through my PayPal account.

I’ll send you all the details when I get your e-mail. So that’s it! Drop me an email at becca at magicjewball dot com and place your order today. Feel free to ask any other questions in the comments area or through e-mail. Thanks for your interest in Jewish pastry!

PS, invest in good coffee beans in advance.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, J-Ball will be on a short hiatus. If you’d like to do your part in entertaining each other please fill in the blank of your choice.

a. You know what movie you should see? ______.
b. This one time at band camp ______.
c. ______ will win the ________ party nomination for President of the United States.

Thanks and see you soon.

I’ve been pretty terrible about writing lately but this is just a tough-love approach to getting you used to my being away. Also, so I could have something to be sorry for on Yom Kippur. Because I am utterly sinless. Bwahahahahahaha! Anyway, now that I’m all cleansed I know you’ll be wondering what sort of sugary cereal I broke my fast with. Wonder no longer, it was Fruity Pebbles. How could I resist it, the box had a big blurb on it that said, “Now Better Tasting!” I could imagine all those scientists in their white lab coats measuring the tastiness of each little pebble until they got it right. And you thought it couldn’t be improved! Just like me on Yom Kippur – see how I brought that right around?

Anyway, it’s only a couple of days until you experience the void in your life that means “I don’t know if I’ll be able to post on vacation or not.” And no one volunteered to guest post. I should really have e-mailed you all personally which is what the blogs I guest posted for did. But they’re more organized than I am. And who isn’t, really? So I’d like to point you to a new blog by my friend Maureen who goes by the name Veruca Salt and likes to review atrocious horror movies. Now, I don’t even like this kind of movie but I tell you, this is my favorite kind of blog. No “I went to the store today and bought milk,” just concentrating on one thing and doing it well. I love these reviews! It’s in my blogroll but please check it out here.

Also, something I’ve forgotten to mention is that I will be away for my birthday (oh no, Becca!). Yes, it means Kosher McDonald’s hamburgers in Jerusalem for me, no post for you. But I can imagine what you’re thinking. “Why, Becca, you give this blog free of charge all year, no advertising, no ‘Amazon wish list,’ no ‘donate here’ button. What can we give you for your birthday?” I’m so excited you asked! I enjoy cheap, meaningful presents and so, here’s my idea. You can gift me a song on iTunes. Any song! A song you like, a song you hate, a song you think I’ll like, etc.

Here’s how it works (you have to have iTunes, sorry): You simply click on an the album with the song you want to send and then on the “Gift this music” button. Then all the songs magically change from “Buy Song” to “Gift Song” and you can follow the directions from there. My e-mail address is in the “About Me” box on the right. Of course, I will still love you just as much with no gifts, but here’s your chance to force your taste on me and pay me back for 18 months of me forcing mine on you. Don’t pick anything from the album below, however, I already have like three copies.

(click to enlarge)

Voila! (click to enlarge)

Oooh, I love that song, thanks!

Anyhoo, I’m here for another couple of days. Don’t do this yet or I’ll get it before my birthday. And if I’m too happy before I leave my plane will crash. I learned that from Lifetime movies.

Sugar – Gift

People sometimes say to me, “you’re so funny! Is your family funny too?” Boy howdy they are! If last year’s parade of Brother2 jokes from the US Open didn’t convince you of that, well, look out for this year. Or ask me about the laugh riot we had at the cemetery today over the lavish Bukharian tailgate party going on there, I kid you not.

Except my Mom, really, she wasn’t especially funny at all. Her idea of a good joke was, “who was the shortest man in the Bible? Nehemiah! Get it? Knee-high miah!” Oh bwahaha, Mom. But one thing she was was an appreciative audience. She’d really laugh at your joke and say “verrrrry good… did everyone hear that?” in a way that made you think you were on your way to doing stand-up.

On the last day of her life, when she was barely coherent, we knew she was still “there” because she laughed at a joke that Sister2 made from this show, one of her all-time favorites. Even though she couldn’t speak, you could tell from her eyes that she was saying, “verrry good… did you all hear that?” Tonight, just before I went off to synagogue to say my last Kaddish of the day, I flipped around the TiVo guide and found I had a new channel (AmericanLife TV Network: your Baby Boomer TV choice, speaks to the interests and values of the unstoppable Baby Boomer generation… er, OK) and that this show was actually on! I had no idea that when they said God worked in mysterious ways they meant that He worked at Time Warner Cable. And so, I downloaded it to my computer so that I could capture the opening sequence and dedicate it to you, my readers and commenters. Thanks for all your good thoughts and know that you are the appreciative audience that makes telling the jokes such a joy.

http://www.magicjewball.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/StElsewhere.flv