Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


You will be dead in October!

Filed under : Baseball,Sports
On April 11, 2011
At 11:30 am
Comments : 5

Despite the sad, sad weekend the Yankees had, I still laughed and laughed at this commercial when I saw it last night. And as a bonus, I didn’t even have to sit through most of the rubber game, as I took a three hour standardized exam, came home, ate dinner, and promptly fell asleep for four hours. Apparently, so did CC Sabathia. Rimshot!

Anyhow, I realized why I haven’t been doing any cooking these last few months and it’s not because I don’t have time, although I don’t, it’s because there was no baseball to listen to in the kitchen. This week, I made a fantastic flounder while John Sterling was making an awful home run call for Russell Martin (“Monsieur Martin est là,” really?). By the way, here was one of the questions on my exam:

If you don’t know what job you’ll have and whether you’ll be sitting at a desk or moving around or how long your day will last, or even if you may be at home living off your 401k, is it best to buy Gameday Audio for:
a. Your phone
b. Your computer
c. Your iPad
d. Your iPod
e. None, you need that money for ramen noodles

Ha, no, actually, most of the exam was based on things I seem to have known all my life, like what a database is for and what’s the best solution for sending out the same memo to many different people (if you said Mail Merge, hopefully we both passed). There were more complicated questions, I will admit, but none as hard as the fake one I posted just above. For the record, I chose iPod, since that will be the most convenient to listen to whilst in transit, which is when I am most likely to need to hear a game. Also, because my phone battery dies in about twelve hours as is; in active use it will never make it through your typical five hour Yankees-Red Sox affair. E was a trick answer: how could I make noodles without baseball to listen to?



Filed under : Baseball
On October 24, 2010
At 1:30 am
Comments : 8

I never thought the Yankees would win the World Series. When they beat the Twins, I was kind of shocked, what with the way they had played the last third or so of the season. But the moment you know there’s no baseball tomorrow and there won’t be any more for another four cold months is grim indeed, I don’t care who your team is.


Play to win

Filed under : Baseball,Gadgets,Stores,Tennis
On June 24, 2010
At 7:30 am
Comments : 5

Was yesterday the greatest day in sports ever or what! You notice I didn’t put a question mark there because there is no other option. Of course, you’d have to have the unique set of circumstances I did and be American, a tennis fan, and a Yankee fan to feel this way and I know that’s true for only .0008% of you. I was reminded of the fact that I started my blog in earnest about four years ago during the last World Cup because I used the title I wanted to use today then, Magic Jewball, Sporting Fool. But let’s count all the great things that happened:

1. USA! USA! (That was the soccer part, duh). I knew this because they announced it during the Wimbledon match I was watching which was…

2. … thirty hours long! I swear, I woke up late-ish as usual and since John Isner and Nicolas Mahut were carrying on from the day before and just finishing their match from the previous day (it had gone too long and Wimbledon doesn’t have lights or final tiebreaks), I figured I’d eat breakfast when it was over. Folks, in case you weren’t following, I had breakfast at 4:30pm. And they still weren’t done, it was like 118-118 in the final set or something. Maybe it was infinity+1 – infinity+1. I’m not really sure these guys are human, I think they might be comprised of those machines that just shoot balls at you across the net. And they finish today.

It’s the third day now and the longest tennis match ever. Actually, the fifth set alone is the longest match ever. The really important thing to note, though, is that suddenly tennis is on the news which it never is and even more so because soccer which never is has been using the last 30 seconds of sports time that is allotted to sports no one cares about. So, right, wow. But the pinnacle, I think, of shattered earth is the fact that Deadspin is reporting on a tennis event which doesn’t involve a shot of jiggling breasts or a view upskirt. Mind blowing.

3. The Yankees won in the middle of the night in an extra inning thriller. I made up the thriller part, it was actually a very poorly played game, but the ending was teh awesome.

4. Jonathan Papelass had his save blown in Colorado by a former Yankee. I’m sorry, I just don’t like that guy and I wouldn’t no matter what team he was on.

So right, that was all good. It was a good day to be a sports fan in New York. And even if you are a Mets fan, Jerry Seinfeld was calling the game at New Shea, so you had that. I don’t know who won that game, I only tuned in to hear Jerry call Lady Gaga a jerk and to see Keith Hernandez look embarrassed as they showed his old scenes from the show. And it was worth it.

In non-sports news, it was also an exciting day for me because I finally got a new phone. If you remember, my old one had a giant crack formed in its screen as I attempted to check email at 4 in the morning. You may think based on the timing that it is an iPhone but you would be wrong! That’s a red herring because I actually used the release of the iPhone to convince T-Mobile to give me a free smartphone since I was thinking of switching. In fact, I was thinking about having no money but you know, I might switch in a few years. They didn’t ask me when. And the Internets informed me that T-Mobile took that as a good reason to give away phones so I am now the new, proud owner of a BlackBerry Bold which I lovelovelove. Everything looks good and sounds good and moves quickly and it can do all sorts of fun things.

But this is also good news for you because I took that occasion to change my mobile theme to one that works on more devices. If you normally visit me on a mobile phone, you are probably looking at it right now and I hope it’s clear and legible, if lacking in the frippery of my normal theme. If you’re looking at a little screen and seeing my normal black & gray & flowers, please let me know in the comments what device you’re using so I can get on that. If it’s an iPad, I can’t help you… yet. But they say they’re working on it. You are very important to “them.” They will be right with you, please stand by.

By the way, and back to sports for a moment, people sometimes ask me why I’m a fan of one person or another. Is it their nationality? A big forehand? Hotness? Sometimes! But not usually. Most often it’s by personality (see the Papelbon example above there) and I find that out by sitting through my yearly matches at the US Open and seeing who appeals to me. Someone determined and classy, who respects the fans and doesn’t argue with the linespeople, and who seems to be having a good time. I know, it’s a tall order. A few years ago, in fact, I saw Nicolas Mahut play and he was an ass. I even mentioned it in a post. But see, if you can maintain your composure and give it your all for ten hours (and counting), I will become your fan. Of course, I was already a fan of John Isner because of Twitter. If you are funny on Twitter or even just talk to your fans on Twitter, I will be your fan. New rule. Also, tiebreaks. That should be a new rule. But of course, then I’d just be reading articles about Venus Williams’ underwear on Deadspin, so there’s that. Hooray for week long matches!

Heaven 17 – Play To Win


A fabulous! weekend in Austin

Filed under : Baseball,Travel
On November 9, 2009
At 12:00 am
Comments : 3

I can’t believe it’s been a week since Austin! In between there was a parade and, well, I love a parade. Myself, Sister1, and Niece4 (away from school on special dispensation) braved hordes of drunken mooks to get tiny glimpses of baseball players’ heads. It was worth it! People climbed trees and street lights and sanitation trucks but we just stood on a bit of higher ground behind a fence that finally gave way from all the pushing. Freedom! Here’s the only picture I got with anyone in it. See Tiny Jeter in my hand? (That’s Bob’s joke, thanks Bob). Also shown, Minka Kelly and her mother-in-law, Mrs. Jeter, at the front. Delightful.

But Austin, oh that was fun. And just as last year, people came despite health and personal issues that could easily have held them back. I’m so proud of my team! I’m also thrilled to tell you that they’re all such great and fun people that the weekend just flew by, like a blink. Even the stuff that I planned (I was a co-captain) that didn’t quite work out didn’t bother anyone. Like Haunted Austin? Not so fabulous… picture people in old-timey costumes telling lame stories between trotting you all over the city at forced march tempo. At one point, the lame cowboy’s neckerchief just fell right off and he didn’t notice for ten minutes. But after we made a dash for it, we discovered a carriage ride in the most beautiful Cinderella coach led by Princess Fiona who was charming and perky. People kept honking and calling out congratulations. Clearly, marriage between multiple women is now legal in Texas.

Speaking of, here’s the Texas Statehouse. There are lots of fun things inside, like hinges with the state seal on them and light fixtures in the shapes of stars. But this is my favorite photo. Oooooo.

That evening, we went to the Halloween procession down 6th Street. It’s sort of famous but we went too early to see the best of it, mainly because there was some sort of race we were supposed to be in the next day. There were lots of great costumes, notably the Headless Horseman (he was the horse too, it was kind of amazing) and the Dick in a Box guy. You heard me. But the best was this kid. We later spotted her at the Damned show.

But then, of course, there was the thing for which we had come.

No, not this!

This! It was such a beautiful day and because it was in a location off the beaten track, they imported Texas cheerleaders to place along the route to cheer us on. They rocked! I understand they take football seriously in Texas or something.

Other things I can’t forget to mention: the food, which I’m told by my more meat-eating compatriots was the greatest they’d ever eaten in their lives. And the space… well, I mostly saw that from the plane. But let me tell you, last week I attended my first co-op board meeting and much was made about a lawsuit going on between two neighbors over a leaky pipe issue. Pipes. I share pipes with my neighbors. In Texas, there would be a house and then miles before another house. Not farms, mind you, just lots of space. Rachel, our teammate who lives there, told me she could never live in New York just because of this. Whereas I need to see people breathing in my face 24/7 just to know I’m alive. But we agreed that it was fantastic to see how people live so differently.

And lastly but definitely not leastly, Team Fabulous! raised over twice our goal and just being there to be part of a sea of people all trying to achieve the same objective was as emotional as ever. Thank you all so much for your contributions and support. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including my thanks.

Did you know this band was from Austin? And they played this on the radio while I was there. You can’t make this kind of stuff up! Well, I could, but I didn’t.

Fastball – The Way


They are the champions

Filed under : Baseball
On November 5, 2009
At 1:30 am
Comments : 13

Yeah, what did you think I would post about?

I know Cubs fans are crying a river, but it’s felt like a long time and certainly, the beginning of the season didn’t really point to this outcome. But somewhere along the way, pies were had and everyone seemed to be having fun. Fun = good.

Speaking of fun, tonight’s game was essentially my only break in a really long week, so sorry for the delay in pictures and updates about Austin. I hope to get to that soon. I’m also going to try to squeeze in a trip to the parade in the Canyon of Heroes Friday, somewhere between my “extra” Java class and my two meetings with two different collaborative groups I’m in for final and mid-term projects.

I can’t believe I’m awake. See you in February, baseball.

Queen – We Are The Champions