Magic Jewball

Yes, according to this article, Pret a Manger, the fab British chain that has a few tasty outlets in Manhattan, had to make their sandwiches over 25% larger to sell any in the US.

The company ran into trouble in America, however, underestimating quite how large New Yorkers liked their sandwiches. After altering the sizes, and cutting back on the mayonnaise, it slowly turned the business around.

Fantastic! After all the talk about how McDonald’s (which owns a share of Pret, as it happens) pushes large sizes on the masses, it turns out that we actually can’t eat a simple 450 calorie sandwich for lunch (that’s before the chips and the soda, etc…. Pret has nice cake too, FYI). We don’t want to get hungry before the 4pm Starbucks run or anything!

But at least we don’t eat as much mayo as the Brits do. I’m going to try to find some comfort in that.

Say, did anyone see Dirty Dancing? Good, because I didn’t. But I’m informed that it takes place in a Catskills resort populated by plenty of my Jewish brethren. Yes, that’s the way it used to be if you were Jewish and lived in the Northeastern US in the 40′s, 50′s, and 60′s. Flights to Europe were out of reach of most people and you goyim weren’t letting us vacation with you. Shockingly, once the world and Jewish vacation plans began to change most of these places went out of business.

I was lucky enough to catch the end of this era and spent a few weekends of my childhood up at Grossinger’s as well as The Concord and The Raleigh. By the time I got there they were already in really bad shape, corners were cut, and the decor was out of a Brady Bunch episode. You couldn’t quite see it as the place where Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds got married. Still, I have some pretty fond memories. Which is why I was amazed and horrified to find this website chock full of depressing pictures of what Grossinger’s looks like now. Apparently it was sold and the new owners intended to renovate, only the plans kind of came apart.

(Let me just pause to tell you how I reached this site. I wasn’t actually Googling Grossinger’s to see if I could go there and play a round of golf with the Children of Israel, but rather, I was pursuing a chain of links that began at Digg and was originally a search for information about this town in Pennsylvania where an underground mine fire has been burning since 1962. Seriously! The government gave up a la the Simpsons Garbageman episode and everyone had to leave except a few idiots loyal townspeople who decided to stay on. Anyway, a completely abandoned town is the kind of thing that fascinates me and apparently a lot of other people as there are quite a few sites devoted to the exploration of abandoned places (even ones without smoke coming out of the ground), and voilà, we have Grossinger’s.)

So here are some photos. This first one is kind of how I remember the pool, only less postcard-like. But the walls were glass and it was lovely. The deep end had a window and people in another part of the complex could see you if you were drowning, er, showing off underwater.

And, well, here it is now. Notice the beach chairs still lined up. Oh, the humanity!

Look, I found a picture on another site of the pool-voyeur window!

Well, this really took me back in a moss-covered way. I mean, believe me, I’m hugely thankful for both $400 fares to exotic locales (and by exotic I’m not talking about beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge) and the fact that Jews are welcome to sip drinks with Friends of Jesus, but I do think something lovely has been lost. Something besides Henny Youngman.

Jane’s Addiction – Mountain Song

Yesterday, for the first time in many years, I found myself in lovely Washington, DC. Not that I saw any of it as I went straight from Union Station to the Metro so I could get out to Rockville. As I sat for my as-advertised, 31 minute ride on the Red line, I couldn’t help thinking about my daily commute vs. this radically different one. And so I present, in tabular form, a side-by-side comparison.

Well, not that I’m trying to choose a winner but I must give DC props on clean & comfortable plus that whole lack of rats thing. However, they are doomed to lose many points since no one tells me to “step back,” sister.

R.E.M. – (Don’t Go Back To) Rockville

Yeah, I’ve had my MacBook Pro less than three months and it’s already giving me agita. Tonight it wouldn’t start up. I mean, you could hear things going on but the screen stayed stubbornly black. It was almost worse than nothing happening at all. “Something’s happening in there! Show me! What’s going onnnnnnnn……..??????”

In the process of trying to troubleshoot I got a CD stuck in there too. Nice going, Becca. So I decided to hand it over to the professionals. I got a geeky sounding guy with such a thick Canadian accent that I almost asked him the score in the Saskatoon Blades game. The conversation went like this.

Apple Guy: So with the computer turned off, press P,R, Command, and Option at the same time then press power, keep holding power till you hear two chimes.
Me: So I’m pressing five keys at the same time? With human hands?
AG: No, you push P, R, Command, and Option, then the power button.
Me: But how will the computer register this if I’m not pressing power simultaneously? I think you mean I need to press all five.
AG repeats word for word what he previously said.
Me: OK, but the power button is pretty far away. I’m not sure this is possible. Have you played Twister at all?
AG: Maybe you should put the phone down.
I try, it is just possible. I almost have to use my elbow.
Me: OK, but I don’t hear any chimes.
LOUD sustained beep sounds.
Me: Well, if you want to call that a chime.
AG: Is it starting?
The Apple logo pops up, my desktop screen appears in seconds as if nothing had happened, and the CD ejects.
Me: God bless y-
I rethink if that’s politically correct and somehow in my confusion it comes out as “God bless America.” I have no idea how, as I never actually say that in normal, everyday speech.
AG: I’m Canadian.
Me: I meant North America.

Oh dear. At least my computer works.

Bob & Doug McKenzie – Take Off

This morning, and when I say this morning, I mean morning, i.e. 4:30am I heard that Becks is coming to America. For anyone who isn’t as global as I am, that’s David Beckham, the British then Spanish soccer star. You may remember him from such cutesy films as Bend It Like Beckham, although I don’t think he was actually in that. The reason I’m fascinated by this news is hard to sort out. But for you, dear reader, I’m going to try.

I think Posh & Becks are the perfect storm of things that go over well in Europe (I’m sorry to my Britfriends but I’m including the UK in Europe here) but here not so much.

1. Metrosexual, fashionable guys

2. Soccer

3. Posh & Becks as the ultimate celebrity couple

4. Soccer

According to the news bite I saw this morning, Becks is coming here because this is the only place on the planet that isn’t into soccer (he used the word soccer! really!) and he wants to change that. The NY Times says it’s because he’s old and over and oh yeah, the money’s good. I think we all know that LA is more Posh & Becks than Madrid anyway. But I seriously doubt that this will change anything. Speaking as someone who actually watched the World Cup from various bars (if you don’t remember those posts, use the handy search function, I’m too lazy to link you) I have to say, this is truly the world’s most boring game. And if anyone thinks that someone who moisturizes is going to get men into soccer, you clearly come from some other country.

But what about women? Women love soccer! They play soccer! Yes, yes, it’s all fun & games when your kid or Mia Hamm is playing, but in between those things there just isn’t going to be a fanbase there. Unlike Europe, women in the US actually give birth to children and they’re busy.

So let me just say to Becks, the LA Whatevers who have signed him, and the rest of the world: WE ARE DIFFERENT FROM YOU. Not better, not worse, just different. Yes, we like different things. Our clothes are different. Our music is different. And we don’t do soccer, except as a funky, niche product. But it’s going to be a lot of fun watching Becks trying to prove me wrong. I believe either way it’s going to be highly amusing.

New Order – World In Motion