Magic Jewball

And now, my evening, in pictures.

Well maybe not so much power, because he lost in this state. But I love voting!
Snap! - The Power

As promised, here’s my special “written in advance” post. I know I said that I didn’t really know what to write on 9/11 but I did just want to comment a little about this fascinating PBS special. I am one of those freak documentary lovers who doesn’t shy away from using the words “fascinating” and “PBS” in the same sentence. And especially when I’m about to jet off to Europe in less than two weeks (with absolutely no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, God help me) I thought this’d be a fun topic.

Hey, remember this? It felt good to be loved. America loved New York, Europe loved America, kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya.

Well, according to this program, it isn’t really like this anymore. Who knew? It was called “The Anti-Americans (a love/hate relationship)” and canvassed the people of three representative European nations to see how they think of us these days. I imagine you just have no idea how it went. Let’s see!

Here’s a lady in France. She’s OK with New York.

Not so much on the rest of the US. Wow, it’s exciting to hear that there’s no racism in New York… or France!

Here’s a drawing a French child did when asked what came to mind when he thought of the US. He was wearing a Gap sweatshirt.

Moving right along! How was your trip to the States, nice Polish woman?

(as an aside, aren’t most people in Chicago Polish?)

This didn’t get a subtitle, because we’re in England now, and we’re supposed to be able to understand. This is a sophisticated dinner party where the gentleman on the right bemoans Americans’ self-involvement and his quote as to our imagined headline is, “International news: American man run over in Frankfurt.” Great peals of laughter from all the other guests follow.

But I don’t want to leave you with the impression that no one likes us. In fact, the Poles all seemed to like us a lot, no matter how fat we are, and the thing the program would have us believe concerns the Poles the most about Americans is that we require them to have a visa to enter the US. I am going to transcribe the text to the following video, but I highly encourage you to watch it because this guy is a natural-born comedian and the way he phrases everything was worth the price of admission. Which is nothing, because I forgot to contribute to the PBS pledge drive this year.

Those French dicks, that hate you, they go to America whenever they please. They don’t have to show no visa, they don’t have to pay for the visa, they just show their French passport - that hates you, the passport hates you! - and they enter. And they can stay 90 days, 60 days. I have to apply for the visa. I have to queue. I have to pay like hundred dollars. To get it, or to lose my hundred dollars, because some red tape and they tell me no. So French don’t fight with you in Iraq, they don’t give you their hearts, but they get the visas, free access to America. We give you everything (sniffs) and we not getting anything in return. We like a woman who you beat.

Hey, I’d sponsor this guy. He needs a place on TV, if only for that shirt. But it did make me wish I was vacationing in Poland. I’m sure it’s just as pretty as Greece. Right? Right? But here’s the truth, Zybigniew. You’re going about this all wrong. See, the more you hate us, the more we like and admire you and want to be your friend. We like a puppy who you beat.

Razorlight - America

Yes, according to this article, Pret a Manger, the fab British chain that has a few tasty outlets in Manhattan, had to make their sandwiches over 25% larger to sell any in the US.

The company ran into trouble in America, however, underestimating quite how large New Yorkers liked their sandwiches. After altering the sizes, and cutting back on the mayonnaise, it slowly turned the business around.

Fantastic! After all the talk about how McDonald’s (which owns a share of Pret, as it happens) pushes large sizes on the masses, it turns out that we actually can’t eat a simple 450 calorie sandwich for lunch (that’s before the chips and the soda, etc…. Pret has nice cake too, FYI). We don’t want to get hungry before the 4pm Starbucks run or anything!

But at least we don’t eat as much mayo as the Brits do. I’m going to try to find some comfort in that.

Say, did anyone see Dirty Dancing? Good, because I didn’t. But I’m informed that it takes place in a Catskills resort populated by plenty of my Jewish brethren. Yes, that’s the way it used to be if you were Jewish and lived in the Northeastern US in the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s. Flights to Europe were out of reach of most people and you goyim weren’t letting us vacation with you. Shockingly, once the world and Jewish vacation plans began to change most of these places went out of business.

I was lucky enough to catch the end of this era and spent a few weekends of my childhood up at Grossinger’s as well as The Concord and The Raleigh. By the time I got there they were already in really bad shape, corners were cut, and the decor was out of a Brady Bunch episode. You couldn’t quite see it as the place where Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds got married. Still, I have some pretty fond memories. Which is why I was amazed and horrified to find this website chock full of depressing pictures of what Grossinger’s looks like now. Apparently it was sold and the new owners intended to renovate, only the plans kind of came apart.

(Let me just pause to tell you how I reached this site. I wasn’t actually Googling Grossinger’s to see if I could go there and play a round of golf with the Children of Israel, but rather, I was pursuing a chain of links that began at Digg and was originally a search for information about this town in Pennsylvania where an underground mine fire has been burning since 1962. Seriously! The government gave up a la the Simpsons Garbageman episode and everyone had to leave except a few idiots loyal townspeople who decided to stay on. Anyway, a completely abandoned town is the kind of thing that fascinates me and apparently a lot of other people as there are quite a few sites devoted to the exploration of abandoned places (even ones without smoke coming out of the ground), and voilà, we have Grossinger’s.)

So here are some photos. This first one is kind of how I remember the pool, only less postcard-like. But the walls were glass and it was lovely. The deep end had a window and people in another part of the complex could see you if you were drowning, er, showing off underwater.

And, well, here it is now. Notice the beach chairs still lined up. Oh, the humanity!

Look, I found a picture on another site of the pool-voyeur window!

Well, this really took me back in a moss-covered way. I mean, believe me, I’m hugely thankful for both $400 fares to exotic locales (and by exotic I’m not talking about beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge) and the fact that Jews are welcome to sip drinks with Friends of Jesus, but I do think something lovely has been lost. Something besides Henny Youngman.

Jane’s Addiction - Mountain Song

Yesterday, for the first time in many years, I found myself in lovely Washington, DC. Not that I saw any of it as I went straight from Union Station to the Metro so I could get out to Rockville. As I sat for my as-advertised, 31 minute ride on the Red line, I couldn’t help thinking about my daily commute vs. this radically different one. And so I present, in tabular form, a side-by-side comparison.

Well, not that I’m trying to choose a winner but I must give DC props on clean & comfortable plus that whole lack of rats thing. However, they are doomed to lose many points since no one tells me to “step back,” sister.

R.E.M. – (Don’t Go Back To) Rockville