Magic Jewball

I am terrible at comforting people. People have actually told me this, and I believe them. I am not good at finding the right thing to say. But I am good at making people laugh. I like to think this is just as helpful. Please don’t disillusion me.

I have a signature to my posts on another site and sometimes people ask me where it’s from. Additionally, my network at home is called “Super Karate Monkey Death Car” and sometimes guests staying over and using my WiFi ask me why it’s called that. The answer to both is this sketch. I offer it in a selfish way, so that I could edit the scenes together (they are on YouTube but the sound and picture are really bad) and watch them from any computer whenever I felt low. If you are feeling low, I really have little that is comforting to say. But I do have this. And the promise that if you don’t laugh, I will buy you a beer.*

*seriously, you will get no beer.

There is no set up to this, it’s all explained within the first few lines. Some trivia:
1. The actor is Stephen Root, who also did the voice of Hank Hill’s boss in King of the Hill. He is genius in this show.
2. Off in the corner with Stephen Root at the beginning is the star of the show, Dave Foley, who is one of my idols. I could write a whole post about Dave Foley, but instead you can just read this.
3. Yes, that’s Ron Jeremy in the audience. They told the story of why he appeared there in the commentary of the Newsradio DVD’s but I can’t remember what it is. But come on, Ron Jeremy. (That comma is superfluous, isn’t it? Rimshot!)

So without any further ado, Jimmy James, CEO of Jimmy James Incorporated, will now read from his book, Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler.

I guess the lesson is, some day, the Super Karate Monkey Death Car will park in your space. But today, you can laugh and laugh.

I am compiling a list of the things they don’t tell you about teaching (Tami can tell you the one I mentioned to her today: that you get a lot of vacation but you have so much work that you end up working through it). Another is that you can hear people calling your name in your dreams. A cacophony of voices calling, “Ms. Jball, Ms. Jball, Ms. Jbaaaaaall, I need heeeeeellllllp!” This is to say, I had a long day. 7am to 5pm with one 25 minute break and many cups of coffee. The funny part is, I taught blogging to 3rd graders today and so the WordPress post box I am looking at right now looks exactly like what was on my Smartboard for much of the day. But I digress.

At the end of the day, I went to Trader Joe’s and bought two bags worth of groceries. The cashier adeptly divided the items into the bags and kept picking them both up and then redistributing to even things out. This struck me as considerate but unusual. To make conversation, because I find it awkward to stand and watch people doing things for me, I said, “thanks, because I’m a Libra so I like things balanced, ha ha.” He answered, without any humor, “I’m a Libra, too, but I don’t care about that stuff.” Then I had to say, “well, actually, me either.” What I didn’t add was, “I was just making conversation, could you work with me here?”

Then, as I walked away with my two bags of similar weight, this song came on the store’s sound system. I kid you not:

Conclusions:
1. This is a terrible, terrible video.
2. I do not believe in astrology but I totally believe that God is a DJ.

By the way, if you are imagining that I left the store while the song was playing, you would be INCORRECT. Naturally, I spent the time answering some work emails.

I really wanted to write a positive (and mundane) post after the last two so I’m going to describe some of the fun things I got for Hannukah and what I am doing with them.

I got this new crockpot to replace one that died when I was making lunch for me and Pious B (it’s OK, a Dutch oven saved the day). I like it because it’s programmable so when I make a shabbat cholent, which is a stew that cooks forever, aka, 12-18 hours, I can have it just keep warm for the rest of it. My first recipe, unless there’s a big sale on brisket, will be this one from Alfa’s blog. I love baked beans.

FYI, the disembodied hand did not come with the slow cooker.

I also received some money and so I finally purchased a decent phone, the Galaxy SII from Samsung. I spent five days setting it up. I didn’t really use my last Android phone as anything but a phone and wireless hotspot for my Apple devices so there was a steep learning curve in how to configure this thing to be The Device. But I put all my music on it and it has Freecell and the subway app, so I guess I am good to go. By the way, if you remember how much I complained about the ineffectual indicator light on my last phone, you will be interested to know that this phone has no light at all. I no longer have any dealbreakers with phones; I just go with the best of the lot that’s out there. Or maybe I’m still sort of in “whatever” mode.

This book about the history of MTV is fascinating if you are a person who watched a lot of it back in the day. I have it on Kindle and I have taken to reading right on my computer which means I can watch all the videos as they talk about them. It’s really important so that when the guy from Ratt says he nailed the landing on the table, you can check that out, or for when Martha Quinn says she had a cameo in Going Back to Cali. So far, the thing that amazed me the most is that the woman from the Kajagoogoo video ended up marrying Dennis Miller. Did not see that coming.

Funny thought:it is a good thing I no longer do iPod Song of the Week, as for the first time since 2002, I am not using an iPod to listen to music on the go. Weird. And speaking of former aspects of this blog, it’s David Nalbandian’s birthday. He has hit the ripe old age of 30. To mark the occasion, I’m taking down his page, since I no longer update it and there are far better sites on the web to find out his schedule, which there weren’t when I started. (This is my favorite site and it has a good listing.) But it had a good run, and God knows it brought me far weirder searches than I would have expected (or wanted). ¡Adiós!

I leave you with this video, which Billy Squier says destroyed his career. I don’t remember it at all, but it would seem that’s a good thing, since Squier would like everyone to know that he is heterosexual. Happy new year!