Subtitled: Everything’s good in the world tonight.
Just to let my faithful readers (both of you) know, I am actually alive! But I have seldom been so busy in all my life. But that’s not really why I haven’t posted… well, not directly. See, I tend to write when the mood strikes me and unfortunately, those moments have seldom coincided with times I actually have time to write. And then the thought/idea dissipates and I’m left with that, “that was supposed to be a post?” feeling. So, herewith, a group of facts:
1. I am busy proving to NY State that I should be certified to teach, which means special online courses, lots of forms, and more exams.
2. I am searching for a job, which involves resume writing, job fairs, online research, essays, obtaining of transcripts, and more.
3. I am way behind on every single item of work for the classes I’m taking. I mean, seriously behind.
4. I went to LA last weekend and those three days away set me even further behind than I already was. And I hate LA, I really do. But I went because it was the right thing to do and even though almost everything that could go wrong did, leaving me alone and stranded in the dark and rain one night with no way to get to my destination, I’m glad I went.
5. I am teaching, yes, actually teaching a class for eight weeks. Possibly more. It involves not only preparing for each class but freaking out before each class and not sleeping at all the night before each class. Luckily, they are only once a week. I’ve been thinking of changing the name of Tuesday night to “Ambienight.”
I wanted most to write about #5. I had so much to say: about how I can’t remember the names of my students, how they are beginning to accept me, how happy I was when I came into my “teacher’s voice,” how I have stopped being afraid to get mad at them when they aren’t paying attention, how scary it is when they ask me a question I can’t answer (even though I know that’s OK), how I mentioned one of our rappers the first day just to seem a bit cool but how I no longer care, how the first time I really got going was when I was teaching blogging (go figure!), how I feel like a performer feeding off the energy of the crowd (and have a hard time coming down after… just like my favorite bands always say in their interviews), how I am never more in the moment than in class (I don’t even think of e-mail or Facebook or Twitter), and how I can’t teach without a big cup of juice because my throat gets so dry. Most of all, I wanted to say how much I love all the kids I’ve worked with in all the classes I’ve been in and how sure I am that I want to be with kids like them forever.
Maybe I haven’t written about any of this because every week is better than the last, so I keep delaying. Or maybe it’s because I made a deal with my cooperating teacher that at the end of my stint at my placement school, I would tell him the address of my blog. So then it becomes hard to say anything, even though that was the purpose of keeping it private until then. But every time I wanted to post about the experience, I’d wonder if I should. So here we are, six weeks in with nary a word. But I will say that he’s made the whole experience worthwhile and that I’ve pretty much learned as much in my time at this school as the rest of my education combined. And that I will be very, very sad to leave. But hey, I bought a souvenir mug from the fundraising closet.
Here’s a story I never told here, but you might have heard it from me in private conversation. I always assumed it would be hard to leave The Record Label. I assumed I’d cry as I pushed the big glass door of the building for the last time. But it wasn’t like that and that’s because my boss at the time handled things so poorly that it was like a gift… it convinced me I had 100% made the right decision. I felt just great walking out the door. But the folks I’ve worked with at this school are so incredibly awesome that I feel quite sure that there will be a much larger lump in my throat when I walk out for the last time. Every single day has been great. Every.day.
So about the sub-title. On the day my CT told me I had gotten my teachers’ voice, I just felt so amazing. I mean, I knew the class had gone well, you just know it, just as you know when it hasn’t. And I had the head of my program there observing me so, hey, even better. After school, I went to Trader Joe’s and they were playing (they have a great soundtrack at this TJ’s, I must say), “When Smokey Sings” by ABC, which has that line. But you know, I felt great even before I heard it. If I’d written this post then, rather than at midnight at the end of a weekend where I got only a fraction of the work done that I needed to, it might even have been the title.