Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Ice, ice baby

Filed under : New York City
On November 10, 2008
At 11:30 pm
Comments : 9

I’m not especially good at decorating, and if you knew the excruciating way I’ve made decisions in my kitchen, you’d know this. I should really have put quotes around decisions, as I usually begin to doubt them within twenty-four hours. Sometimes, I troll kitchen forums for ideas but this is hard, really. These people have huge, elegant spaces, the better to put in islands and baking centers and butler’s pantries. While I struggle to find a refrigerator both shallow enough and narrow enough for my space, they wish heartily that fridges came wider than 48″. So instead, I went surfing though the local real estate listings where galley kitchens and spaces so narrow they look like they’re being photographed through fisheye lenses predominate. I assumed that these would be the crème-de-la-crème. They’d need to be to sell, right? Fantastic place to get design inspiration, yes.

Let’s have a look, shall we?

I like to call this one, “field of ugly neutrals.”

And this one, the “hallway of bland.”

This was a common theme in for-sale kitchens. The all stark white look. I’m not sure if it’s “I just couldn’t pick a color” or “I’m afraid color will ruin my resale value – can’t you see yourself in my milk-white cucina?” I chose this one in particular because the pictures seem to say, “no! No! I’m not all white, see?” Where instead they just seem to make everything whiter.

Still not as bad as this one, though. Ice cube, anyone?

But both are better than bisque. The white fridge next to everything else bisque is a nice touch.

Or maybe it’s just horrible lighting that causes half the kitchen to look like it has a bad case of jaundice. I’m not sure which is worse.

They tell people to de-clutter before sale but some people don’t get the memo.

This kitchen broke my brain.

By the way, this is the most popular fridge in all Manhattan. I know why. It’s from Amana (and now Whirlpool) and it has excellently narrow and shallow dimensions. I should have gotten one, but no, I had to get the one with actual handles. Now it can’t open all the way without banging into the cabinet across. Anyone want a fridge?

Speaking of appliances, I think this kitchen is my favorite. Yes, it’s ugly. Yes, it’s cluttered. But the best part is, it’s tiny, and yet the owner used a major chunk of real estate for a full-sized dishwasher. I’m betting he stores the dishes in there too.

Don’t forget, follow kitchen “progress” here!

Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby


9 Comments for this post

Irishcardinal says

How did you find that photo of my kitchen, Becca? Mine is the white one. The one with white walls, white floors, white cabinets and white appliances. But not white counters–have I mentioned before that I HAVE no counters?

Deas says

Narrow and shallow, just how I like my men!! (but god forbid, not frigid)

Becca says

Irish, I don’t know how you work without counters! The question is, do you have a full size DW?

Deas, I thought everyone was frigid in the Great White North.

Girlnextdoortn says

oh hells yes! I refuse to ever wash dishes by hand again, and by god, I’ll install my dishwasher in the bathroom if I have to.

Luckily, I don’t have to.

I have an all-white kitchen, but it’s broken up by grey laminate countertops, stone-greyish-taupe paint, and stone-colored vinyl flooring. Plus my six bazillion novelty magnets on my fridge.

sarpon says

The people who installed iceberg kitchens are survivors of the 1970s (avocado! harvest gold! walnut cabinets! burnt orange wallpaper — flocked!) who are too traumatized to contemplate any kitchen color without twitching.

Have I mentioned that my house was built in 1975 and we have the original (avocado green!) formica counters and black walnut (laminate!) cabinets?

Irishcardinal says

DW? Is that dishwasher? Yes, I am full-sized. A little on the short side. No dishwasher. I use the kitchen table for baking and to keep stuff on–no room to eat off it. My kitchen is L-shaped, so I may have space you don’t, but it’s not very usable space.

Becca says

Girl, but you can get an 18″! That’s what I’m getting. And I am so excited! It may be my most favorite part of the new kitchen.

Sarp, this could be so. But I think they predominate in apartments. It’s like we don’t deserve color.

Irish, indeed, it is dishwasher. I also use my table a lot. Not sure if I’ll still need to but since I’m one of those messy, all-over-the-place cooks, I see it in my future.

Lisa aka Nutz says

Oh – the white! Blinding!

Maureen says

I would be happy to send you a picture of my tiny crooked little kitchen to add to your collection. There is plenty of (ugly) color, and a full sized dishwasher, but no drawers and cabinets with shelves that slope slightly downward.