Magic Jewball

Wherein I attempt to answer the questions of searchers who reach my site, never to return except as fodder for your amusement.

happy corporate people

They exist! I am one of them! Sometimes.

magic 9 ball yes no questions

I fear you are just one digit off.

al jourgensen guy

He’s that Ministry guy.

why does mardy fish spell his name with a d

Because that’s what his parents named him and he just didn’t feel inclined to rebel, I guess.

making wisdom teeth feel better

Don’t have a dentist yank them out, of this I am sure.

are you still learning french

Thanks for asking. It’s slow, I took up running instead.

famous people that wear diapers

Suri Cruise?

convert to judaism engaged to a catholic

Wacky! Is this a pitch for a sitcom pilot?

is khaki pants okay to wear at courtroom

If you’re the lawyer, no. If you’re a juror, sure. If you’re up on a charge of shoplifting from The Gap, I’d advise against it.

song you make me simply miserable

Oh I got songs like that out the wazoo. Have you heard The Cure?

locked myself out of the house

At least you have WiFi.

is it ok to travel with a half-full suitcase?

Sure, if you’re leaving room for souvenirs for me.

is it ok for 1st cousin to be in love and the family dont except?

Except what? I mean, I’m sure you crazy kids’ll do great!

what was the weather like yesterday?

What day did you ask this? Erm, if it was this summer then too hot. Or too rainy. Let’s just go with too humid.

candy sukkah

Wow, what a fun idea. That’ll show all you gingerbread house people!

where is david nalbandian

I wish there was a page devoted to that…

how many duane reades store were there in august of 2006

Let’s see, how many street corners are there in New York? I’d say twice that.

nude mini cooper

Well they’re all kind of nude, aren’t they? I mean, I’ve never seen a dressed one or anything.

news about famous people august 2007

They got drunk and high and did stupid things then they went to rehab. September news: same.

jewish conversion how do you know when you re ready to convert?

Are you sick of people loving you too much? Have a desire to be hated by people around the world? It might be that time.

red sox fans animals

It’s hard to know because all the punctuation gets stripped from my search stats, but is that “Red Sox fans’ animals” or “Red Sox fans: animals?” You know, in the interest of diplomacy I think I’ll just stop this answer right here.

are any famous people going to go to a store?

Why? Need Paris to pick you up some milk?

And from the Department of “there’s always someone swimming against the tide of search”:

Top 5 Searches of the Month
1. laurent delahousse
2. mardy fish jewish
3. food emporium lyrics
4. simpsons porn
5. paul banks drugs

Amy Winehouse – Rehab

Here’s a fun article about all the good matches that were on Court 11 on Friday. I saw two of those, including, of course, the last one which was Nalbandian-Malisse (I spent my day seeing Martina Hingis’ exes, yes). Anyway, they asked all these folks who played and were former champion-runners-up, how it felt to play on a side-court. They were all philosophical about how fortunes wax and wane, except Nalby who instead just spoke about the smaller size and increased wind on Court 11. Ha!

But I happen to love that he was on Court 11 because that meant I could sit in the second row amongst a throng of Argentineans. It’s kind of like how you want bands you like to never be successful so that you can continue to see them in tiny dives rather than Madison Square Garden. I hope Nalby suceeds (especially right now – he’s in a battle with David Ferrer, try yelling Vamos David there) just that he never gets a huge number of fans outside me and the Argentineans. I’m selfish like that.

(Hint: this little girl isn’t wearing light blue because it matches her shorts)

And now, some some parting glances, because while the Open goes on, it goes on for me only on TV.

I ended my Open here, in my favorite spot. At the very top of the Armstrong stadium, there are no ushers to bother you so you can sit in these little crevices at the top of the stairwell. Despite the crowd, you feel as though you are alone.

Sunset on Tim Henman’s career.

Cleaning up the Grandstand at night.

You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

See you next year!

(click to enlarge)