Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Snappy answers to stupid questions – August

Filed under : Meta/Blognews
On September 5, 2007
At 11:30 pm
Comments : 11

Wherein I attempt to answer the questions of searchers who reach my site, never to return except as fodder for your amusement.

happy corporate people

They exist! I am one of them! Sometimes.

magic 9 ball yes no questions

I fear you are just one digit off.

al jourgensen guy

He’s that Ministry guy.

why does mardy fish spell his name with a d

Because that’s what his parents named him and he just didn’t feel inclined to rebel, I guess.

making wisdom teeth feel better

Don’t have a dentist yank them out, of this I am sure.

are you still learning french

Thanks for asking. It’s slow, I took up running instead.

famous people that wear diapers

Suri Cruise?

convert to judaism engaged to a catholic

Wacky! Is this a pitch for a sitcom pilot?

is khaki pants okay to wear at courtroom

If you’re the lawyer, no. If you’re a juror, sure. If you’re up on a charge of shoplifting from The Gap, I’d advise against it.

song you make me simply miserable

Oh I got songs like that out the wazoo. Have you heard The Cure?

locked myself out of the house

At least you have WiFi.

is it ok to travel with a half-full suitcase?

Sure, if you’re leaving room for souvenirs for me.

is it ok for 1st cousin to be in love and the family dont except?

Except what? I mean, I’m sure you crazy kids’ll do great!

what was the weather like yesterday?

What day did you ask this? Erm, if it was this summer then too hot. Or too rainy. Let’s just go with too humid.

candy sukkah

Wow, what a fun idea. That’ll show all you gingerbread house people!

where is david nalbandian

I wish there was a page devoted to that…

how many duane reades store were there in august of 2006

Let’s see, how many street corners are there in New York? I’d say twice that.

nude mini cooper

Well they’re all kind of nude, aren’t they? I mean, I’ve never seen a dressed one or anything.

news about famous people august 2007

They got drunk and high and did stupid things then they went to rehab. September news: same.

jewish conversion how do you know when you re ready to convert?

Are you sick of people loving you too much? Have a desire to be hated by people around the world? It might be that time.

red sox fans animals

It’s hard to know because all the punctuation gets stripped from my search stats, but is that “Red Sox fans’ animals” or “Red Sox fans: animals?” You know, in the interest of diplomacy I think I’ll just stop this answer right here.

are any famous people going to go to a store?

Why? Need Paris to pick you up some milk?

And from the Department of “there’s always someone swimming against the tide of search”:

Top 5 Searches of the Month
1. laurent delahousse
2. mardy fish jewish
3. food emporium lyrics
4. simpsons porn
5. paul banks drugs

Amy Winehouse – Rehab


11 Comments for this post

Julia says

Poor Amy Winehouse. I don’t think her daddy thinks she’s fine anymore. I love her though – she’s like a Supreme on crack.

KP says

Ha! Great description of Amy Winehouse Julia.

I can’t even imagine why someone would want to find Simpsons porn. Yikes.

Ima Wurdibitsch says

Now, you can get those freaks in a can, too.

Glad you had fun with the Open.

Becca says

I don’t think any of that song is true anymore. Refund!

Celia says

I actually know how to make a sukkah out of graham crackers. It was a religious school project my kids did. The schach was pretzel sticks, and they tied lifesavers onto it with licorice strings. Pretty cute.

Becca says

Celia, that sounds adorable. And tasty. One day when I’m not going to be going on vacay over sukkot, I’m going to do that.

Also, Ima’s comment got caught by the spam catcher. Prolly because of the, um, initials she used there. I rescued it but I have defeated your intentions, Ima, by changing it into an image. But don’t worry I already get freaks in a can!

Ima Wurdibitsch says

I thought I’d made a comment and then, when I didn’t see it, thought, “Drat! I’ve done it again! I’ve forced an edit!”

Of course, I also thought, “Drat! I’m getting old! I was sure I commented.”

Then, I saw something shiny and forgot about it until it came up again.

Becca says

Couldn’t have been on this blog. It’s completely matte.

Ima Wurdibitsch says

Your blog is very soothing. I come here to be calmed after seeing many shiny things.

Can I do my meditation over here in the corner?

Becca says

That’s how I made it! Or, er, commissioned it. A little known fact is that my bedroom is the same color as one of the sidebar containers, I won’t tell you which one.

Shhh, everyone, Ima’s doing her meditation over there by the Print button.

Arjewtino » Blog Archive » I don’t know, how do you tell your mom you want sex? says

[...] post was inspired by Magic Jewball’s monthly Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions posts. Share with the Interweb: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can [...]